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9.15.2019

Solar RV cycling blog September 15th . Turns out, saul is open to 1 of 2 relationships. Excruciatingly sensitive relationship at the knees, or, letting James beat the living fucks out of himself.

Solar RV cycling blog September 15th . Turns out, saul is open to 1 of 2 relationships. Excruciatingly sensitive relationship at the knees, or, letting James beat the living fucks out of himself. 

 yesterday's posts were probably very significant. Yesterday's experience probably very
significant and representing substantial progress forward. Of course James expected for similar performance to be in effect today and more so. Hey, we figured it out yesterday, now let's do better. So many of the things of yesterday were implemented 

James legg's want to do whatever the fucks they want to do. Saul is OK with that period just sitting back and  watching James beat the phuket out of himself. 

Yesterday that concept of delicacy became very very very prominent. And tremendous power could be applied by James. A seeming paradox. 

At the very end it was clear that the delicacy Allowed a incredible fluid intimacy at the knees with saul. In hours today that has not been recaptured. But it does seem to have taught a lesson that saul is profoundly jealous. Anything but excruciating intimacy at the knees and James gets the fuck's beat out of them. 

 why is this so psychologically excruciating? 

When James cannot find A meaningful relationship with saul, that means James does not know how to contribute meaningfully to the movement. And for James in every aspect to this life, contributing, or making the meaningful attempt is life itself. And James nervous system totally freaks out when it loses touch with how he might meaningfully contribute. It is beyond excruciating for him. 

Now, James also, his flesh I think, wants complete mastery. Wants to be able to control this period wants to be able to control saul and make tremendous performance and contribution by James happened. So what happened today, yesterday, James Saw indications he was gaining mastery. Without intending, his nervous system was provoked by that into an arrogance expecting to be able to dominate, control, produce all sorts of extraordinary performance. this was not the humble respectful, delicate, extremely low expectations yesterday. Please just let me play a role. Please, just let me contribute. 

Just moments ago, 2 or 3 hours into this very frustrating ride. Several things seemed to come into prominence and a relationship is reestablished. The thought, I think was, James, just try and find a way to participate in the shared momentum of the vehicle. He had stopped for a moment. And upon resuming with the just mentioned thought in mind. 

 how very curious. Several hours this morning after the banner day yesterday James body was the champion, the master, out to demonstrate to the world how to cycle. And failing every stroke. And frustrated as hell. And as mentioned above, then the concept of just participating, sol, please, just show me some slight meaningful way to participate, and things clicked into place. 

And it is continuing at the end of this relatively short journey today. And James is so grateful to have some sense of a basic way to participate, to contribute at least slightly. And it continues to be an awareness of the physical weight of the knee area of his His body and that the up-and-down and some I circular cycling motion at about 85 rpm definitely creates a  sensation of momentum, participating in momentum and conveys an awareness as to the physical dimensions, analogous to the fly wheel mentioned yesterday Is reasonably intuitive, and quite satisfying to James' body and nervous system that they are playing a role. This is not to the exclusion of the logs of yesterday. Not at all. But gone, mercifully, are all notions of this morning, moving soul, accelerating saul, making saul do this for that period despite his very best effort. none of that this afternoon. Simply grateful for some sense of participating in the movement of saul which is participating in the shared momentum at the area of the knees. Not creating it. Not accelerating it, not forcing it. 1l at the moment each inch of travel. Can he begin to morrow's journey with this humble plea? He hope so. The best he can hope to do and it can be enough is to just have the opportunity to meaningfully participate in a small away as he might, and as big a way as he might be able sometimes. please? 

Very important consideration, inconclusive so far. Is it always an lusion of extremely good performance that James is directly controlling the vehicle? It seemed that he could really control acceleration  yesterday in town. It was exhilarating. But was it a seductive deadly elusion? Yes definitely, and may be no. Yes definitely unless and until there is a level of sustainable expertise whereby Effectively James can control the vehicle. It may be days, weeks, months, years, or never that James will achieve that and he really should try and keep that in mind. If it ever seems like hes controlling the vehicle, James, please bring to mind, That it is probably an lusion and what's happening is he is simply contributing really really really well.

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