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Dear Inner - Family (IFam)

"Inner family (IFam)," an expression that Dave Dellinger used. He thanked his inner-family for helping him find the strength to integrate with his entire human family, his Outer-Family. :-)

Miss you all. I love what I am doing, the "path" I am walking too much to leave it, but following it does have its costs!

I remain at Thomas's for the purpose of bringing the construction to an end. This has been a great honor and blessing. If things are not wrapped up this week I'll be amazed, but I've been amazed for weeks now! :-)

Vigiled with the Catholic Workers yesterday at the White House for an hour. We were joined by the Guatemala Human Rights Commission/USA. Wow, there is a lot of work to do.

Miss you all,

your loving brother, jay


Christian? Suffering. Christian? Hero.

"The right decision tends to lie in the direction of courage," Alfred Adler.

"Christianity lies in the direction of suffering," brother jay.

"Mental health, on such an aflicted planet, lies in the direction of suffering," brother jay

Wow, this is a big leap for me; a really important insight into what has driving my life that has been missing up until today. NO, SUFFERING IS NEVER, NEVER, NEVER THE GOAL. Driving through the desert on the way from LA to Las Vegas is usually not the goal either, but if you ain't driving through the desert, you probably are not on the way to Las Vegas either.

If a father's child is starving to death is the healthy father suffering, and acting heroically, acting "Christian?"

If a brother's sister is being gang raped is the healthy brother suffering, and acting heroically, acting "Christian?"

Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc? Etc...?

Jesus told us:

p79 "All men are His children, and therefore all are brothers to you."

p72 "If all praise them [the rich], woe to them, because only deceivers get everybody's praise."

p102 "... Our flesh is the true food for the real life."

p118 "Now the kingdom of heaven is attainable on earth, and great are they who enter it. But they enter it, not the rich, but those who have nothing."

p121 "... sell all your goods, and give them to the poor ..."

p124 "... put in [all that you have] ... put in [your] whole life ..."

p139 "There are shepherds to whom the sheep are the chief interest in life, and who give up their lives for the sheep. These are true shepherds.

p140 "My teaching is this - to give up one's life for the life of men."

p194 "My commandment is, that you love one another as I have loved you."

"In a suffering world, the Christian leads those s/he loves toward suffering; like Jesus did," brother jay. Doing the opposite of this, leading my bio-children away from "suffering" was my gravest Sin. God forgive me.

Not Suffering? Not Christian.

Not Heroic? Not Christian.

Not leading your loved-ones toward suffering? Not yet Christian.

Christian? Visionary.

During the "Q&A" period after a Friends of the Congo meeting this week I ranted at some length how the letter writing campaign they were calling for would do no more than kill years worth of time. Only people standing with their lives would make a positive difference, I said. You know, my usual speil. There were a few heads solidly nodding in agreement and a lot of blank stares. The usual.

When the meeting ended and I was walking out by myself (the usual :-) I heard, "sir, sir...." A tall late 20's man from Congo had followed me out. "I share your vision," he said. "May I have your contact info so we can stay in touch?" He probably will not.

The second time this week that the word "vision" struck me came while constructing a previous post -
Howard Zinn Remembering Dave Dellinger. Howard was saying, "...I was in World War II, I was a bombardier in World War II, I wasn't thinking about pacifism or war. You know, I was imbued like everybody else with the idea of a good war. Dave Dellinger saw beyond that. He saw farther than that."

This is what The Lord's Prayer is utterly and entirely, 100% about - developing our vision:
1. "Our Father in Heaven" Developing our vision: 1. That we are ALL ONE FAMILY; and 2. What a Father of all-one-family would want me to do this instant!
2. "Hallowed be your name" Developing our vision of who our Father is - the "Goodness" we can see in Jesus, the Saints (except for the "miracle" shit), an incredibly loving person in your life (if you are really lucky)....
3. "Your Kingdom come" Vision of what the Kingdom looks like.
4. "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven... Vision that our behavior must "look" exactly like it would in Heaven.
5. "Give us [all] this day our daily bread." Vision that we are required to be Visionary Leaders. The "bread" is vision-of-what-our-Father-wants-us-to-do-today! We are required to give that "bread," to "be" that vision for our brothers and sisters. Everyone! Leadership is everyone's job. You are Evidence. YOUR LIFE might convince/convict us of what? "...the fulfillment of the Father's will depends on each man's effort and striving to make people see that life is given, not for oneself personally, but for the fulfillment of the Father's will, which alone saves from death and gives life." Jesus (Leo Tolstoy, "Gospel in Brief.")
6. "Forgive us our trespasses," 7. "As we forgive ... Vision of my errors, vision that "understanding" of other's errors is mandated.
8. "Lead us not into temptation," 9. "But deliv... Vision that environment determines who we become. We must guard the environment within our own minds; this is the only place "temptation," "error" can happen. We must "be" the environment for others.

Not visionary? Not yet Christian.

24/7 The Only Work is Spirit ("Germ" Warfare)

Will I ever remember this?!???! Definitely I am getting better at it. But goodness, yesterday's post was largely wrapped up in material stuff - not enough jobs for me to do on the construction that is going on due to lack of management and lack of priority on the job coming to completion.

This morning I received an enormous gift - an insight, a revelation. When I was a child the movie "Bridge On The River Kwai" made a tremendous impresstion on me; but as was so often the case, I didn't know why. This morning particularly the image of the inspiring, mad general played by Alec Guinness came to mind and for the very first time in my life it came to me with clarity what he did, and how the "Spirit" worked through him.

He was the Leaven. By standing to-the-extreme for respect, respectability, humanity, productivity, contribution, courage, service - Life - he infected everyone around him. He infected everyone. He infected those under his charge, he infected the enemy general and soldiers.

That is my job. Here in DC what stands as the vaguest opposition force (they speak of themselves as "Resistance") within the Peace Community (there is nothing like them in the sham of a Save Darfur "movement") is, with few exceptions so incredibly weak - the infighting, the pettiness, the lack of focus, lack of honesty, lack of determination, lack of VISION, lack of discipline, lack of perspective, lack of responsibility, lack of Spirit. My job is to infect them with the "germ" of Spirit.

"Germ" Warfare is my job.

Christian? "Germ" Warfare is your job. We must become the perfect, pure "germ" of SPIRIT, and in fulfillment of that 24/7 "WAGE" Total: Love / Brotherhood / Kindness / Compassion / Humanity. 24/7.



"Doing much good."

Hmmm. :-) It is another one of those common sayings that is just now hitting me with its incredibly profound importance. It joins the list of "be an Angel," and the desperately important "ALL EVIDENCE TO THE CONTRARY."

Very, very soon I expect to be leaving a nice warm, congenial, food filled environment for the Park and the Darfur round the clock vigil. Why?

I'm no longer "doing much good here." No one is complaining. In fact, within the last 60 seconds, out of the blue as I was here typing I was told, "People around here are saying very good things about Jay McGinley!" Rarely have I been received so many, heart-felt expressions of appreciation for my contributions.

For most of the last 4 weeks there has been a cornucopia of opportunities to serve, for "doing much good" in - construction, homless service, blessed-community, anti-war activism and Darfur activism - sufficient in combination to position me for "doing much good."

"Doing much good" is a phrase we usually use when talking about windshield wipers or a door stop. "Those wipers aren't 'doing much good,'" for example.

But today as I wrestled with a profound feeling of dissatisfaction with how I feel inside for the last several days, what came to me is - Jay, you are not "doing much good" here anymore. What is the fault? We are all doing the best we can - an inescapable fact of human existance.

p89 "My food is to do the will of Him who gave me life, and to fulfill that which He intrusted to me," Jesus told us ("The Gospel in Brief," Leo Tolstoy).

What I am particularly happy about is for the one millionth time to be brought face to face with this fact of psychological health highlighted in Jesus' quote above. It is! "Doing much good" is my food. I just don't know how else to describe how it has felt to me for decades.

It seems I can stand an aweful lot of negative stuff, but what I just can't stand is NOT "doing much good."

Dr. King said it this way, "Life's most persistant and urgent question is what are you doing for others?"

"Man's Search for meaning is the primary motivation in his life and not a 'secondary rationalization' of instinctual drives. This meaning is unique and specific in that it must and can be fulfilled by him alone; only then does it achieve a significance which will satisfy his own will to meaning... Man, however, is able to live and even to die for the sake of his ideals and values!" Holocaust survivor, psychiatrist Dr. Victor Frankl (Man's Search For Meaning)

I'm reminded of something that occured to me about 4 years ago that captures much of what I had learned about life by then, and it still seems to capture most of the truth for me, and for all of us I suspect:

"Life is as Good as the Good that we spend it on," brother jay

"Endure how much suffering Father," Jesus asked?

I woke in a cold sweat last night. It was like this. It was like one was an older brother in Vietnam. You find this amazing, brightly colored toy and joyfully give it to your younger brother. In the middle of the night you wake up in a cold sweat realizing to your horror that the "toy" might be one of those U.S. dropped cluster bomblets (anti-personnel bombs that send out thousands of anti-flesh fragments to destroy civilians) you've heard about!

Well, in my case the "bomblet" was yesterday's posts regarding Dave Dellinger's
Revolutionary Nonviolence: QUOTATIONS FROM "DECLARATION OF WAR" 1945. Bomblet? Dave is pretty sure that the U.S. Government was the one that several times sent bombs to assassinate him through the mail. One almost took out his entire bio-family when they were all gathered at his house. It was for writings like this, and his actions in line with these writings. More particularly regarding myself, the words "sabotage" and "war" appear frequently in what I have been posting. Yes, "Waging Love," Total Love, All-Out Brotherhood are the entirety of what I mean, but this can be overlooked.

I have never in my life contemplated "sabotage." If I try to recall any reaction I have to sabotage, or any other type of destruction, it has been negative; with the exception of the "Resistance" of Germany in France, etc. during WWII. When my nightmare caused me to contemplate it further last night, when I could look past the terror that the CIA had seen these words on my sites and were any second going to burst in and take me to Guantanamo for torture (seriously); when I could look past this terror my reaction to the thought of "sabotage" was about the same as Jesus' or Gandhi's reaction. Nope. (Although I pretty much have concluded that the Catholic (and other) "Churches" are the anti-Church in Jesus' eyes, the opposition to Liberation Theology by Rome may be correct for the reason that follows.)

Attention to stuff, superiority and systems/institutions is the problem. Addiction to stuff, superiority, systems/institutions is the problem. Addiction to stuff, superiority, systems/institutions was the problem Jesus tried to save us from. His teaching on this? His approach? "I drive out evil by summoning people to fulfill the will of the Spirit, the Father, who gives life to all." p106 "The Gospel in Brief," Jesus (Tolstoy's translation.) This is the entire strategy that they and I have faith in. Everything else is to diminish our chances of success. Well, maybe the Plowshares type of action is an exception.

Back to the title of this post: "Endure how much suffering Father? The cross? Torture? Prison? Humiliation? Hatred? Crown of Thorns? Flailing? Death?..." Well, yes, I actually spent a few moments contemplating that maybe the CIA has seen my posts and is going to take me to Guantanamo. Really. So Jay, what do you do? Do you delete the offending words - "sabotage" and "war?" Etc. Etc. Well, all this took only about 10 minutes of contemplation. It has broader implications for me. The path I am on, despite my absolute and total commitment to and belief in Anti-violence / Brotherhood / Love could well lead me into the sights of the CIA. Jay, do you stop now?

Did Msgr. Romero stop? Did Jesus stop? Did Francis of Assisi stop? Did Gandhi stop? Did Dr. King stop? Did Bonhoeffer stop? Did Rachel Corrie stop?

"Endure how much suffering Father," Jesus asked? "An infinite amount," Father answered with love and compassion. "Love as I have Loved," Jesus told us.

ps: Do I really think that Homeland Security or the CIA could be about to pounce on me? Yes. Don't you?


Christian? Revolutionary.

"There was a time when the church was very powerful. It was during that period when the early Christians rejoiced when they were deemed worthy to suffer for what they believed. In those days the church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; [The early Church] was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society. Whenever the early Christians entered a town the power structure got disturbed and immediately sought to convict them for being "disturbers of the peace" and "outside agitators." But they went on with the conviction that they were "a colony of heaven," and had to obey God rather than man. They were small in number but big in commitment. They were too God-intoxicated to be "astronomically intimidated." They brought an end to such ancient evils as infanticide and gladiatorial contest." Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"The "way of life" that destroyed Hiroshima and Nagasaki (and is reported to have roasted alive up to a million people in Tokyo in a single night) is international, and dominates every nation of the world. But we live in the United States, so our struggle is here. With this "way of life" ("death" would be more appropriate) there can be no truce nor quarter. The prejudices of patriotism, the pressures of our friends, and the fear of unpopularity, imprisonment, or death should not hold us back any longer. It must be total war [totally nonviolent] against the infamous economic, political, and social system which is dominant in this country. The American system has been destroying human life in peace and in war, at home and abroad, for decades. Now it has produced the crowning infamy of atom bombing. Beside these brutal facts the tidbits of token democracy mean nothing. Henceforth no decent citizen owes one scrap of allegiance (if he ever did) to American law, American custom, or American institutions." David Dellinger

Not revolutionary? Not Christian.

Christian? Disturbing.

It troubles me, just a little, that my path is disturbing - to friends, bio-family, the activist community... just about anyone that knows me. I am glad that it troubles me, I will hope to avoid becoming too much more arogent, insensitive, blind, rigid, self-righteous than I already am.

But, Jesus was disturbing. I say "was" because we have so distorted who He was and what He STOOD for that He is now the opposite of disturbing. We use Jesus like we use bathroom deodorizer - so that the stink of our murderously selfish lives is not so disturbing as to make us change.

But in His days, to all but his Disciples, and even to them Jesus was hugely disturbing, wierd, crazy, disruptive, antisocial, dissident, outsider....

"I believe that for someone to be "Christian" they should resemble Christ," Teresa of Calcutta.

The people of Jesus day needed to be disturbed. A "brother" like Jesus would feel obliged to be disturbing.

The people of my day need to be disturbed, even more than Jesus day needed it. As a "brother" I feel entirely obliged to follow our Father's "call" as totally as I can, and this is disturbing.

Not disturbing? Not Christian.


You are Evidence. YOUR LIFE might convince/convict us of what?

Major insights into my behavior are occurring for me. These insights have implications for you too.

Why the Hell have I felt so compelled / drawn / obligated / required to:

* Sit in front of the White House 23 hours per day?!?!?!?!?!?
* Leave my $500,000 household to live in a car on a hunger strike for Children in Chester PA
* Withdraw so entirely from the safety and comforts of our US society?
* Etc, Etc....

This is a big part of what has been going on. Intuitively and unconsciously I have been realizing and reacting to the FACT that:




MY LIFE, the way I have lived has been a WITNESS that:

* There is not worldwide poverty.

* U.S. ACTUALLY STANDS FOR "liberty and justice for all."

* Capitalism is at worst value neutral.

* Capitalism is
NOT sanctioned war on and exploitation of the weak in the U.S, around the globe.

* There was no genocide in Cambodia.

* There was no murderous neglect of children in Chester/Camden/Philadelphia/NYC....

* There was no genocide in Rwanda.

* Etc.

* Etc.

* Etc ....






Dave Dellinger Quotations Blog

Dellinger is a Jesus of our day. Now deceased, this one time seminarian, life long nonviolent revolutionary hero must be studied and understood by any would-be champion of Love, Justice, Christianity, Brotherhood....

A new blog dedicated to the quotes and quotations of David Dellinger is beginning here:

David Dellinger Quotations



Oh my, I've received the gift of reading some of the great books, some of the great authors of the world: Jesus, Tolstoy, Gandhi, Alfred Adler, Dr. King, Zinn, Barbara Demming, David Dellinger, Teresa of Calcutta, Pitirim Sorokin, Saul Alinsky, Ashley Montegue, Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi, Abraham Maslow....

The words I've quoted recently from David Dellinger strike me as the words that could save the world: "Very few people chose war. They chose selfishness and the result was war. Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or total war. "

Yes, absolutely these words stand on their own. They are a miracle of Truth, of insight, a Revelation.

But these words explode in my mind, and I hope that maybe they will explode in your mind. These words of Dellinger explode into the entire thing, they explode into a statement of the entire problem!

Every EVIL STEMS FROM some form of SELFISHNESS. Here are some examples; they are arbitrary; YOU CAN THINK OF BETTER ONES:

Very few people chose global warming. They chose capitalism and the result was....

Very few people chose 18,000 kids starving PER DAY. They chose Starbucks and the result was ....

Very few people chose divorce. They chose alcohol and the result was ....

Very few people chose Darfur Genocide. They chose a safe neighborhood and comfortable house for THEIR "family" and the result was ....

Very few people chose U.S. child health being ranked 19th among the richest nations. They chose "health" clubs and games and the result was ....

Very few people chose 80% of the world in abject poverty. They chose "normal" life style and the result was....

Very few people chose 650,000 murdered in Iraq. They chose "Christian" hypocrisy and the result was ....

Very few people chose 3-6 million slaughtered in Congo. They chose high tech electronics, the Internet and video games and the result was ....

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Very few people chose...

Dellinger also told us the only solution: "Each of us, individually and nationally, must choose: total love or ... "

Dorothy Day told us, "The only solution is love."

Jesus told us, "Love as I have loved... Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you."

Dr. King told us, "We [will] be extremists for love or extremists for hate."

"The Golden Rule is to steadfastly refuse to have what millions cannot have," Gandhi.

Ignoring these words is murder.




Yes dear, I did speak of feeling as though I were "home." I meant, our Father's House. The best way I can explain my feeling is to say that I have returned to my Father's house, His "Path," His "Way." Why would I, why would anyone feel that they are There?

Our Father's House is where His will is done; where He is almost always on your mind; where His is the opinion you seek over all others. His House has no walls but it is like a warm hug. His house is at no address but it is always there. In His House you know what to do, kinda, what to say, kinda, where things are, what needs to be done, why you exist, what is needed from you, where you fit... kinda. Kinda, but more than in the man-made world of Idols. In His House you are always Loved for who you are as His child, as His servant, as His Brother, as His Partner. This is the best way I can explain what I meant when I said I felt like I was "home."

Am I just being poetic? Is today Sunday and am I sitting here typing a post? The only world you or I will ever know will be that which is on the inside of our minds. There is nothing in my world AS real as what I am describing right now. This makes sense. Why? Because the Home I describe is my deepest nature, my Humane nature, the one we are all born with.

I left Home and spent most of my life in a foreign land of man-made idols - superiority, stuff, systems/institutions. It never, never, never, never felt like home. It was pleasurable, very, very pleasurable. But it never, never, never felt like Home. It never, never, never was Home.

I'm Home now, everybody's Home. I'll do my best to yell loud enough and well enough that the rest of His family returns home. I'll try to be a bright "Lamp." I'll do my best.