Don't be the coward I was. I devoted near 30 years to a partnership with the most blindingly talented person imaginable... and only after all that time faced that I couldn't think of a year, month, week,day, hour or minute..., literally, actually, truly... when that individual was devoted to me, my needs, my goals, my joy, my wellbeing........
***** Marriage, comments to a young friend. "Above everything else in the world I am....( click for details)...
***** Marriage, comments to a young friend. "Above everything else in the world am I committed to partnership with this individual as my best possible way of serving the world? Is this what my prospective partner is about as well? " I think that this is pretty close to the species universal question to discern whether the prospective marriage is on the strong foundation or not. It is the intersection of all I've studied and learned from the greats throughout history and my own experiences and observations. Yes, there are few people I know who would agree. Lol. Oh well.
The word 'lust' applies to much more than sex. For nearly all westernized women their drive to marry is 99.99% lust for security, comfort, safety, house, social access, to be loved and cared for, and children for her own gratification. For nearly all westernized men they marry for lust for sex, and to be loved, that is, desired, lusted for, appreciated, served, helped. This is what our sickest of all cultures teaches us. How would we be different?
My point is not that this is bad. I am NOT disparaging. But lust is not the basis for a long term partnership. Lust is not the basis for sustained, lifelong, joy. That would be loving, something of which we no longer understand or appreciate by the time we are in our teams in this sick world. Lusting is about me, for me and my group. Loving is about the well being of others, particularly the neediest on earth.
We are literally created by our DNA for the sole purpose of advancing the well being of the species, which means the well being of the environment, to be good and to be a force for good in the world.
I would wish for the prospective spouse to ask the question, 'Does this person have the level of integrity, unity with and devotion to humanity, to doing and being good for the world, that I see and admire in the few people throughout history?'
Finally, I think that this question could be profoundly helpful: ' in essence I am hiring an intimate partner to be as close to me as my skin, or my soul, for the next possibly 60 years. Should I hire this person? Should this person hire me? 60 years from now are we likely to be thrilled with the decision we make today. If not, for this person who I care about, and for me who I care about I should not walk down this aisle, even if it means that I never walk down the aisle. If I am worth marrying by anyone, then I love myself and life enough to serve humanity by myself if that is the best thing to do. And I know that devotion to humanity is my reason for being here, and the only path of infinite joy for any of us. That's how we were created.
vlog 'Family's NOT biological. Family is Being, how you are, inside, and therefore toward others.' L
nd 'For the last 13 years that I've devoted myself To humanity I've been alone, with some Miraculous, Heroic, Sheroic exceptions along the way. Not any longer. This most recent crisis, family, nonbiological, just came running to my assistance from all directions. Rather, I pray they came to the assistance of my work.' Loving
nd 'EDF D22, D5, no fluids: 'Folks literally dying for it, is the ONLY way to make this invisible ecocide Real, Urgent, Now, IN TIME... for the less visionary masses of otherwise decent people. No Inez Milholland, no women's vote by 1920. No Steve Biko, no end apartheid 1993.... 'The Tree of Liberty, Decency, Loving, Creation... must in Truth be fertilized with the blood of patriots.' I was born to be one of the drops of this blood, for the Joy, and Loving of it.' Loving
This is much on my mind at this moment because months of moving toward the most promising Working Partnership of the Heart, that I've ever seen prospects for myself of, is on the brink of moving forward, or, may just have terminated, DESPITE the fact that the subject of the first paragraph is, I'm quite sure, OBSERVED in the relationship. That is, termination may have already, just occurred, despite the fact that both parties are Profoundly of the Heart, as near as I can discern.
What this is Teaching me is that being of the Heart is Necessary, but not Sufficient to a Partnership, a Trusting, Powerful, Working relationship. I don't recall ever getting close enough, this far along, toward the type of Partnership Jesus died to bring us into, to have learned this, or the following lessons. But if ever again I have the opportunity for a Divine Partnership, I'll be the Wiser, in the following ways, at least:
1. Being of the Heart, where Love is the Sole, Supreme Value is Utterly, Totally, Absolutely Necessary to the Divine, Hopeful, potentially Creation-saving Partnership, but NOT Sufficient, by itself! I thought it was Sufficient! But I was incorrect; ignorant of the Truth.
2. The Model of what Is and Is NOT Necessary to Partnership, that I would hope to put forth next time, that I did NOT put forth this time, would be my understanding of the following -
a. That Gandhi, a devout Hindu, Partnered fully and completely with a Christian Pastor (name I don't know). Each would say that their Religious beliefs were extremely important to them, but their Behavior Put the Lie to that. Harsh words here, I know, but this is a really important point. We can only, Truly see what is Important, Central to us, Really, in what we Do. And there is Everything to suggest that in Truth, ALL that was Central to Gandhi, and all that was Central to the Being of the Pastor, was, to use Jesus way of framing the same thing - 1. Loving God / All Creation, and 2. Loving Every Human.
b. I may be taking unwarranted liberties with my limited knowledge with the following, but I think not. Teresa of Calcutta, the Catholic, and Gandhi, the Hindu, were contemporaries in India. I know of no time that they Partnered together in Work. But based on everything I know this was 100% a matter of logistical barriers, prior Callings to different Work, and NOT a matter of any remotely important difference in their Core Beliefs, their Core Being, their True Religion which for both, was Loving. And they did speak of each other, and what they said, to me, revealed completely the Respect of One Partner for another Partner - their 'Religious' differences were really, Really, NO DIFFERENCES AT ALL, to them!
c. Once, and only once, Jesus gave us an example of the Perfect Partner. Yes, these are my words, and my understanding, and of course, you are welcome to disagree, but to me it is Crystal Clear. The Example He gave us of the Perfect Partner was the Good Samaritan - someone of a profoundly different 'Belief System,' 'Religion,' than Jesus. Totally and completely unimportant to Jesus were these differences. ALL that mattered to Jesus, the entirety of his Religion, was Loving.
I could go on, but if I can make the point, it is made above.
3. Language, Thought Process, Means of Communicating, Communication Process CAN BE SO DIFFERENT, EVEN BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE OF THE HEART, THAT PARTNERSHIP IS PRACTICALLY SPEAKING, IMPOSSIBLE, OR TOO DIFFICULT, OR TO INEFFICIENT TO BE APPROPRIATE. This is my most fundamental learning from my recent Divine experience in moving toward Working Partnership, regardless of how it turns out. Well, if one thinks of two people Totally of the Heart - one that speaks only French, and not a word of another language, and the other person that speaks German, and not a word of any other language, COULD they Partner? YES! Would it be wise? PROBABLY NOT! Impractical! The barriers to communication would be sooooo huge that far more time would be lost in the attempt than could justify the benefits!
How my ignorance of these issues will play out in my current situation, what was a prospective Partnership, I don't know. But in these lessons, and in countless other ways, I am profoundly Strengthened, Enriched, Empowered by the time we've spent thus far.