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Showing posts with label Pioneering Joy in Hell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pioneering Joy in Hell. Show all posts


1.14.20 A tough, important, experience last night. Failure and learning opportunity.

Notice. Thru an oversight James thinks he did not post this when three or four days ago it occurred. This was a really important experience for him and it has helped spark considerable growth since.

 On this peaceful remote Mississippi shoreline about a mile and a 1/2 from the casino is a well paved pull out where multiple times now saw and I have spent the night. And as is not atypical the silence is sometimes broken, sometimes all night long, by someone in a car also in the area pull out with their radio going . Last night was such a thing. James had attempted to go to sleep a little earlier than normal And the music which it turns out was somewhat funneled by the shape of James vehicle and roof, was driving him nuts.  and nothing in his mind that he tried to distract himself was working. He thought he knew who it was, a fela in a older truck that lives out of his truck. And finally, James quite unhappy with himself, he decided to speak to the individual. When he poked his head out he saw it was not that vehicle it was someone else entirely and he decided not to speak to the individual. It seems unlikely that the vehicle saw James but within 10 minutes or so it was gone. 

This was fairly substantial for James. To realize that in some circumstances he was unable to stay with soul in charge that his Flesh could be so empowered, maybe the mind so empowered that they Hi Jack James and drove him nuts. What if James winds up in a torture cell sometime? He frequently thinks for this and tries to be prepared. Such a silly little thing last night showed him he is far from prepared. 

This after yesterday writing at some length his dismay at least with the amount of time that Sorokin has spent in the ways and power of love talking about the would be experts of the sole doing all sorts of atrocities to themselves to free themselves from the tyrany of head and Flash. Upon reflecting on James failure last night he gained some sympathy for their efforts.

I was thrilled to die last night for the soul joy of my murderer.

This only in my imagination, but this was new, and it feels like really really really really important growth. Time will tell. But it feels like really really really really important growth. In a waking dream in the middle of the night I was in a torture cell And was concerned not with the torture happening to me but entirely with the soul of my torturer which itself was being tortured by the head and flesh of this tormented perverted corrupt individual. This is who and what I want to be. For the joy of it.  For the freedom from the straitjacket that otherwise is my head and flesh, that I Revere, but that I do not want to be constrained by. And maybe I am moving in this direction even when I'm awake. Let it be so.