From any post click the photo across the page top to see the entire blog.
Showing posts with label Conversion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Conversion. Show all posts


***** vid log: Loving has cancer, all alone. (I worked on this all day. It's worth it. I hope you watch, carefully.)

***** Loving has cancer, all alone. (I worked on this all day, AND MY WHOLE LIFE BEFORE. It's worth it.  I hope you watch, carefully.)   VIDEO, BELOW.


1. This vid contains monumentally important information for me. For us all.

2. SO IMPORTANT that I Transcribed it.Took ALL DAY! Argh.  UPDATES in the transcription, sooooo

3. Read the SUBTITLES, and use the video ONLY to check my demeanor.  PAUSE, when needed.

4. I love you, forever, no matter what (no, there is nothing sinister or spooky in that, or cryptic, tho I'm sure it may seem otherwise.)    Remember that. NO MATTER WHAT.

5. Do I claim, feel, embrace "perfect" knowledge in any of this?  NO. Clarity, YES.


7. IF you watch it, watch TO THE END. Or don't watch. OK?

I am in a world of my own, well, the world that Jesus inhabited, and a few others.  I am, so I am in a different World than you. You've known this all along, more and more as time went on.  Jesus Died to get us all into that world.  Me too, however long I have.

Why?  Because I don't love those in the other world?  Because I Love those stuck in the other world more than I love my own avatar. That's why.

But it will often, usually, near always seem otherwise.  That I disparage, look down on, dismiss, disrespect, reject.... Oh well.


As is almost always the case, the extensive reading that I do does not change me, in the sense that it does not send me in a new direction, though in a sense I'm yearning to be sent in a different direction, because that would suggest I've been on the wrong track and that there's a right track to be found, and that could bring the hope of me becoming more impactful, because so far I'm not impactful at all. 

But no, when I read the greatest minds in history that I can find, those that have shown the most promise of causing the revolution away from ecocide, away from insanity, away from affloholism, away from walking death, when I read those great minds I find only affirmation; and this is true of the tremendously long book that I've been studying for the last couple of weeks, because that's how long it is taking get through.  (Argh).
I find it, I find it exhausting.  I find it exhausting in significant part because it's so exhaustive. 

Dominic Crossan  is considered by many to be the preeminent Biblical scholar to date on the subject of the historical Jesus. I read one of his books a dozen years ago the title being The Historical Jesus, something like that, and the one I'm reading now is called the Birth of Christianity. It is his attempt to understand what happened in the first 20 or 30 years after jesus' death. 

His methodology pretty well starts with historical anthropology. Not with Jesus, but with historical anthropology.  What  was going on in the day? What were the political  issues, what were the forces acting on people, what was their Life like? If you want to understand what Gandhi thought, what he thought was the greatest revolutionary in the history of humankind, the man Jesus, you better read this book.

 Now as always I am inspired by such a book, not to take it as dogma, or doctrine, but to see the direction that  the author is looking; and I often find my eyes gazing further than even the author did. So I take some license here but I don't apologize for my farsightedness, for my vision has been the basis of any success I've had in life; and by objective measures I've had quite a bit of success. 

Jesus was a primordial scream, against the status quo of the day. He pitted his entire being to be a different way, to be a gateway to a different way To be a different way for everyone? Immediately? Never was his thought it would be for everyone. It seems that early on it was his thought that it (the Father's Kingdom) would come in a flash, in an instant, He believed that john the Baptist was announcing that. But when john was killed, instead of (John) ushering in an age, Jesus saw that the only way that the kingdom was going to come was in the way that people LIVED; in the way that they were, in the TYPE of Being that they were, in the worldview that they had and lived; and the essence of that view was Family, Universal Family, my term.
The abomination, the abortion, that is the token,  fig leaf, that today's church uses, the the eucharist, the bread and wine, that was, in Jesus' acts, in his central teaching; that was the family meal!!!!!! (The full meal for everyone!) Yes, that was the Family meal, the non-biological family meal.  (That was, WAS, the Revolution – THAT ALL WERE FAMILY, NOT COMMERCIAL (ROMAN) ENTITIES TO BE COMMERCIALIZED.  FAMILY).

I'm not yet clear, I have some pages left on the book, I'm not yet clear whether the historical record says that that was a daily meal, a weekly meal, but it, for the destitute (WAS THEIR MAJOR MEAL, WHICH, WITHOUT A FAMILY, THEY’D NOT GET), and Jesus was among them, destitute, not poor, destitute, that's the history; Jesus was not some “middle class” carpenter; he was lower than the tenant farmers, socially and economically; carpenters were those that couldn't get jobs as tenant farmers, let alone farmers.
And this was an ever evolving phenomenon, (THE CENTRAL PHENOMENON),  that people were being forced off their generational Land by the ROMAN form of capitalism, commercialization! 

Jesus' life and teachings were centrally a revolutionary stand, a revolutionary cry, against the inhumanity of that; no we are family, we are all family(!!!); and what family owns, all in the family are entitled to, IF they work, if they do their part. He had 12 that he barely considered part of his Family. He was family TO everyone, but he considered only 12 to be on the same, approaching the same planet, the same world that he was in. His family. 

“Who are my brothers and who my mother? Those who revere and obey the will of my father, conscience, Heart, Soul. My family are those for whom the world, is that. 

I'm dying of cancer and unless they can cure me.  There's a chance that the tumors have actually grown (during the chemo a) they sometimes do on chemo, in which case what I have will be inoperable. I'll know in a couple three weeks. There's a chance the tumors will have stayed the same size and shrunk, in which case they'll still be operable. 

There is zero complaint, or rebuke, in what I'm sharing here. There was no complaint, or rebuke, when Jesus indicated - My only family are ones that are on the same planet I'm on, (in the same World).  He was stating a fact, not a rebuke. Not a dissing, not condemnation; a fact! How can your Family be people that live in a different world? 

I'm dying of cancer and no one except for Bruce has been in my life for weeks. It's really stunning! (LOL!) I'm trying to remember if I sent an e-mail saying that, to those that were in my life - I think you're all dog dirt! I hate you, I never want to hear from you again! LOL!  But I don't remember sending an e-mail like that! :-) Those were in my life in one way or another, what they're realizing consciously or unconsciously is what I'm saying. I'm in a different world, I'm on a different planet; I'm on a different wave length; because I've worked really hard to get here; it's heaven. 

And offends them, (bores them),  it worries them, it threatens them, (insults them), it makes them fearful, it  makes them feel offended, (alienated from me, disinterested...). This is understandable!
This is how people reacted to Jesus (mostly many of those closest to him). And I'm walking the path that He walked. It couldn't be any other way. 

Well, let's see, it is almost 9am and I'm not asleep; and the last to 11 days I'd get up at six when they serve a decent breakfast (in the homeless Infirmary) where I am (dinner is tragically inedible), and think, 'oh boy, I'm ready for the day, and within half and hour I'm asleep for another 4 hours having slept all night.  :-( So it's possible that after 11 days I'm coming out from underneath these deadly chemicals that they feed me, that just... take away all my strength; I guess they put all my  strength into trying to survive the chemicals. Too early to tell but it might be I'll have two more normal days and then on August 15 I get more chemicals.

 One kind soul, not Family, but a nice fellow, the other day I think, got the idea that he was worried about me being ‘down,’ that I was in a bad place, or a dangerous place. Anyone that has looked in my posts knows that I'm in a desperately unhappy place, for the world, my grief, my sorrow, my despair, my pain. 

In Hunger Games, when Rue was killed, everyone could watch her being killed, everyone on that planet, in that time, could watch her being killed. One set of people watched that as morbid entertainment. A small set of people watched that in utter horror,  her family, her town, her district. Some would say, the people  in the city in Hunger Games would say, they(the observers in the city),  were the lucky ones, they didn't feel so bad. 

I don't, I don't view it that way. I would want to feel like the people in her district did. I would want that pain. I would want that outrage. They (in the district) were the ones that were alive, the people in the city were dead. 

We Americans are the people of that city. I work, to be alive in that way, which is the only way to be alive. I work to be alive. There's nothing morbid in that; there's nothing masochistic in that. I prefer absence of pain for me, but more than that I prefer being aLive. 

So this kind fellow that reached out (seeing posts that worried him I was 'down'), 'where are you,’ (he's from the DC area?) I told him very honestly, 'you misunderstand. I'm not in a bad place; I'm in an extremely good place, I'm learning, it's extremely painful, but I'm learning. I'm putting myself here, (in this place, (  :-( , with the help of the cancer), because I need to learn; I'm not yet what the world needs from me. 

So the people, of the few that have been wonderful in my life, they have been absent at such an odd time, LOL, when I'm going thru chemo!  (LOL).  

This is not some veiled outcry, that I need you, that you should feel bad. No. Truth, is God. God is Truth. God is how things are.  God is the foundation on which we can stand!!! Truth. 

This is wonderful to see the clarity (for us to see that we are NOT Family); that I am on a planet, (in a world...), of one (or, a miniscule few).  Jesus was only a planet of 12, and I'm certainly no Jesus, LOL, as someone told me recently (to be nasty); but his (Jesus') path is the one that I walk. I'm on a planet, (in a World,) of one. 

Of course there are a few exceptions! I think often of Lucas 4:q8, (that Alexandria VA) group that feeds (we homeless) on weekends. They seem so close to Universal Family. Universal Family is my Family.
Others that have been close to me, do I now feel distant from you?   Oh my goodness no! but it's such a wonderful opportunity (for us all) to see the clarity (with those who have been close totally dropping me at this time.  LOL); of what different worlds we're in.

 And if I'm in the Correct World, if I'm in the world of joy; the world that saves the individual and could have saved the planet, and I am, in that world, then the clarity that I stand alone, (apart), there, presents the possibility of others recognizing that world, and making a choice. 

"I came not to bring peace, Jesus said, " but to divide with a sword. A surgeon divides with a sword, hopefully will divide  me with a sword! (LOL), to separate what is cancerous from that which is healthy. I try to be a sword to myself, with great success, cutting out  the cancerous self-centeredness that I hate, leaving the healthy tissue of unity, of  Universal Family, that I  crave, that you crave, but you've forgotten (if the shoe does not fit, NEVER WEAR IT.)