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[Note - Graphics to be inserted]  This is much on my mind  today because if you watch me the last couple of weeks you've seen me constructively obsess over, do I stay in DC, do I stay on hunger strike, do I hunger strike walking around the country trying to find signs of life...?  I was right to do this but I was wrong to think that what I do ultimately matters. 

What matters is whether I drive myself to the top of this pyramid - High skill, high challenge, High Pursuit.  Gandhi never said it's what you do that matters, he said full effort is full success. King said it never, never said it matters who you are what you do.  He said 'everyone can be great because everyone can serve.' Jesus never said it it matters whether you're a pastor or carpenter a teacher.  He said,' do onto others, all you would have them do unto you. 

This is the one answer to every important question in life - how do I feel good, how do I help my family, how do I save humanity, how do I give humanity a future? How do I escape my depression,how do I escape, escape my sadness.  How do I have a positive life, what do I guide my child to....  Every important question has the same answer -  Do unto the least of these our global neediest all you would have them do unto you. 

Friends, uh,  some of you sense that I know some very important things; that's my sense of it.  And, how pitiful if I didn't, I thought the essential truths could be found and deeply known and lived, so for more than a dozen years I've made that the entire focus of my life and unless I'm a dishonest man or insane, and I'm neither, then without question,  I was correct. There are essential truths to know, they are not the essential small 't' "truths" lived by our society.   I know them, I get them, I live them, and they're as old as our DNA. They're as old as the universe but we don't live them.  We don't recognize them.  We trivialize them, and  thereby we are defying the truth of how things work, which Gandhi understood to be God, quite correctly. 

God, whatever God is, is what rules, correct?   It is The rules, it is that which rules, it is the ruler whatever it is, sentient, nonsentient, That's God, and we have cleverly done what cancer does, which is, we've defied that which is good, that which advances life, for all the massive benefits that are fleeting (sarcasm),  with total destruction, on the other side of our folly.   So you either stop kidding yourselves that Start Loving knows some things, or you listen up to this video.

The Matrix is a movie I speak of often, I think of often, and the truth in a way is the flipside of what the movie shows, and Jean Baudrillard, the now deceased philosopher whose conception spawned the movie, his philosophical views spawned the movie, and the movie itself really in a serious way shows the inverse of the truth. The Matrix, false 'reality,'  is what we understand to be the material reality outside of us.  True reality that all you and I can ever know is the inside of our nervous system. It's an infinite universe.  The inside of our nervous system for all intents and purposes is an infinite universe and you and I will never be able to escape that universe, not even for a second, ever.  So it is kind of important to understand the features of that universe, right? 

If we think about the physical universe I suppose it might  be nice to know everything.  We don't live that way, it would be insane. So we gravitate toward, sometimes very aggressively, and correctly, toward what's really import.  Here what's really important - within our nervous system inescapably you and I are are creatures that pursue positive experience.  It's inescapable, you and I can't change that. I don't ask you to accept any of this nor to waste your time arguing.  If you, if you see the basic wisdom to what I'm saying then ponder deeply and embrace it more in your life. And if is seems like nonsense, stop wasting your time with me. 

There are two types of positive experiences we human beings can and can't have and they are as yet,  I think, unproven, but scientifically provable in terms of two different types of chemical cocktails in our brain.  One associated with joy.  The other is associated with intoxicating pleasures, that wonderful meal, that handsome guy that beautiful girl, that exciting, the intoxication, extrinsic rewards, that is things that we perceive to be outside of our nervous system that 'make us feel good. Joy is the wrong word, the reward for doing unto the least of these,  these neediest parts of the our global family, all we, all we would have them do unto us.  This is the only universal moral precept.  This is the universal moral precept for virtually all cultures, all times in history, said different ways, the same thing, no double standards; what you would want desperaly to be done to you and yours, do to others.  No double standards. 

This is something that people 'made up' no more than people made up the most popular color globally would be violet.  Both are what we're wired for.  However, our wiring is so comprehensive, so complex, that we can invent ways that are not what we are wired to do.  Our western culture is in the final stages of destroying human future, and future for every other species.

So the important features of our nervous system ultimately and absolutely are its ability to give us the experience of finding joy within or to find the experience of intoxication/pleasures from things 'outside of' or personal efforts and attempts to do 'Good.' 

Not many people numerically have worked on this issue of, okay, what is it that produces joy, what is it that produces the experience of pleasure, intoxication;  but our greatest minds have, and whereas we look at them only for entertainment, typically, they weren't interested in entertaining us; they were interested in saving us from wasting our lives on inferior intoxications  and pleasures; so whether it's our artists, our philosophers, our great religious leaders, our  great humanitarians, our movie and heroes of literature, they all point in different words and ways to what one of the few great constructive, non-toxic, non-psychotic, non-psychotic psychologists, Miholi Csikszentmihaly from University of Chicago most of his career, in his indispensable book 'Flow,' and more indispensable book, 'The Evolving Self, done from his global, sophisticated studies of people's reported, optimal or suboptimal experience; that uninterrupted continuing experience of joy which he called 'optimal experience' is found by anyone and everything  when they were in a high challenge situation for which they have high skill, and which is of high meaning to the immediate collective -  the town, the city, the country, or the world.  This is true for our movie, virtually all of our movie heroes and literature, and our real life heroes like Gandhi, King, Jesus. 

Don't we at some level know that they have the most desirable experiences that human beings can have?  But we have built a culture on the cancerous notion that selfishness is the ultimate reward.  This is just, well, if you don't know it's wrong, I love you just as much, but you're wasting your time, in any seconds you consider what I have to say.   But if at some level you know that I'm dying to help you escape the insanity of the misdirection of our of our society, our insane western notion, that, oh no, the optimal human experience is found in leasure, selfish pleasures, for me and mine, our vacations, our over-privileged home, our  overprivileged car, overprivileged food, and we embrace it, believe it. 

If you think that's not the Truth, then save yourself from wasting your life.  The moral greats, friends, are not about afterlife.  Our greats were dying to get us a great live joyfully in this one, independant of any life after this one. 

I totally believed in this heaven, all my years, and now I've lived it; for the last 12 years that I've lived this understanding.

Let's look at what some of the other options -  what about high skill, high challange, but low meaning, as depicted here.  Well, the intelligentsia in our society, the quasi-moral and good people in the society who are anything but, but they honestly, like I did most of my life, think that they are, this is where they focus.  The rigourous understanding of the world's issues, the high accademic training, the meaningful conversations, the meeting, after meeting, after meeting over the world's issues; the serious discussions, the seroius political discussions, the working hard at a job that I hate, so that I can comply with socieity.  Ok, if you're happy with it, fine.  It's somewhat, actually, it can be highly pleasurable, but pleasure is always in cycles,  unlike joy which is continuous and uninterrupted as long as we stay in the high challenge, high skill,  high meaning pursuit that is doing for the least of these all we would have them do unto you; which makes whatever personal price it looks like we're paying, absolutely outside of consciousness, not of concern. 

Or, we can spend our time in high challenge, low meaning, low skill.  This is the place of burnout; this is the place of excuses, Well I tried.  This is the place of depression.  I tried, I keep on trying, but I'm not holding myself the standard of trying things that are are really worthwhile and I'm not holding myself  to the standard of getting the skill, or living within the skills that I have.  

And then there's the high skill, low meaning, low challenge.  So inane video games, watching TV, watching movies, watching sex, sitting at the beach.  Hour after hour watching; oh gosh, we're so emotionally illiterate.  Try to see the difference within you of what your experiences of joy felt like, and what your experiences of pleasure felt like, and you may save yourselves from the mistaken notion that our mindless entertainment is worth a second more of your life. 

Now, maybe you've seen that this is not a four-sidded cube, and I see now, a six-sided cube issue six sided cube.  This is a six sided prism issue, but I didn't have that gadget, it is not part of PowerPoint.  So you'll have to do the transition yourself. 

So where is the best possible mother or father when their child needs their greatest help, they're at the top of this pyramid. They drive themselves to the highest level of challenge.  They muster their highest skill, and of course pursuing their greatest meaning.  So on the issue that I'm devoting my time to, which is doing my part to try and give humanity a future, whereas currently it looks like it's finally going to have a future, which is just Hell, this is where I'm getting my life be, and giving my life to try and get you to be.  It's a win win win. 

It's the only place where we'll find the intelligence, motivation, unceasing desire and drive and selflessness, joyful selflessness, to save ourselves, to save humanity, to save the future for eternity's yonng. 

And finally friends, this is much on my mind today because, if you've watched me the last couple of weeks you've seen me constructively and obsess over do I stay in DC, do I stay on hunger strike,  do I stay on hunger strike but start walking around the country trying to find signs of life.  I was right to do this, but I was wrong to think that what I do ultimately matters.  What matters is whether I drive myself to the top of this pyramid -   High skill, high challenge, high meaning pursuit.  Gandhi never said it's what you do that matters, he said, 'Full effort is full success.'   King said it , never, never said it matters who you are what you do; he said 'everyone can be great because everyone can serve.'  Jesus never said that it matters whether you're a pastor or carpenter a teacher.  He said 'do onto others, all you would have them do unto you.'  This is the one answer to every important question in life -  how do I feel good,  how do I help my family, how do I save humanity,  how do I give humanity a future,  how do I escape my depression,  how do I escape my sadness, how do I have a positive life,   what do I guide my child to - every important question has the same answer - Do unto the least of these are global neediest, all you would have them do unto you. 

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D35 50 38 'Carrying my Cross, uh, a GOLD MINE.' SL


D35 50 38 'Option 3 - Ratchet up the FAST, aka Hunger Strike.' SL


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Note to Friend I alarmed greatly thu a display of TOUGH LOVE.

[I probably can't name 4 times a year that in the 8 years here in DC anyone has shown profound, appropriate kindness or help to me; among the infinite indications as to how individually and collectively Dead we western humanoids have become.  One of those times occurred within this last week - a kind man became concerned that I didn't have access to nutritious food, or health care, and offered to help me secure that - an offer that I accepted. Being homeless I carry the clothes that keep me alive, and the equipment I use to serve humanity with me in a large backpack and a very large and fat rolling case.  When the guards at this government office where my friend met me to help me secure access to food and healthcare treated me as poor homeless dirt, and after my verbal attempts to awaken their humanity failed, I escalated to non-verbal expressions of the inappropriateness of their behavior.  Understandably, and clearly, it later became obvious to me that I'd greatly alarmed my friend, and hence the following note to said friend.]

... BTW, I assure you that my 8 yr record in DC speaks clearly - that you have  no reason to worry about what my behavior may be in checking my  stuff into the motor vehicles offices.  You saw the very most  'aggressive' I get, and I only allow that extremely rarely.  I don't much care what is done to me, or what happens to me, but I refuse myself the luxury of remaining 'silent' in the face of injustice (real or potential) to others, hence my non-verbal 'noise' at [that gov office] - offering a wake-up call to those fellows that NO ONE should be treated like that.   It wasn't an act or manipulation on my part, but it WAS the 'non-verbal' communication that I felt my two guard-brothers were owed by me, and that others like me were owed from me.  And I only escalated after several attempts to have these  brothers 'see' that they were not treating me as they would want to be treated - just the simple courtesy of basic, BASIC directions as opposed to obvious disdain and explicit disrespect. 

Brother, I don't request that you read the following, but I think you were quite alarmed by my actions with the security guards at [that gov office] , so I happily offer this to you, if you wish.  And my awareness of your alarm prompted me to reflect; the following is part of that work / reflection, and I'll post it now on my SL Blg without in anyway identifying you, that others might learn as I am -  This willingness to forcefully 'express' stuff like I did is neither in my  nature, nor what I was taught in my nice, disgustingly sheltered elite suburban upbringing.  But I've been 'learning,' in an accelerated fashion, these last 12 years, what Love demands; what being a  Brother means.    As I've mentioned, the Secret Service at the WH house have 1000's of hours with me under their view....   

 About 3 weeks ago I was with my banners in the street in front of the White House.  I'm no fan of Connie, her fundamental, incessant nastiness / abusiveness, but my 'brotherhood'  is unconditional. In Truth, I'm the ONLY one that has been an 'friend' to her, without fail, since Thomas died; a pretty shocking fact given that she has been a DC institution for 30 years now; a fact that is testament to A. How nasty and self-serving she is, B. How devoid of Love DC (absolutely including the 'activist' community - hypocrites, lip-service vs life-service, and my brothers and sisters all) is, and  C. the Unconditionality of my Love, for which I take ZERO credit,  but that is my Life's work now to infect (not 'inflict' :-)  ) others with, as I've been infected. (BTW, this is that most sacred of all writings that ever I've seen - that Heschel essay - from one of my blogs.) 
So, about 3 weeks ago I noticed that two mid 20 somethings  were ridiculing her behind her back and taking pictures.  I left my things in the street, and walked over to the one in the street taking pictures and began telling him that it was improper to be ridiculing someone, and I placed myself in between Connie, whose back was turned to us all, and the camera, ruining his clear shot.  He  escalated his taunts at me, but I also saw that he was embarrassed, as he should be.  I allowed he taunts, and stood there willing to absorb more from him, if that was the experience he needed to give himself, and after  about 60 seconds he and his friend departed.  I felt clearly that I'd given both he, his friend, and Connie the respect and brotherhood that they all three are owed by me.  As I was returning to my stuff, a Secret Service agent I'd never spoken with, late 30ish, approached me.  'Uh oh,' I thought.  'Are you ok Start' he asked, clearly concerned?   I misinterpreted his question at first. I assumed from the situation that he'd be challenging / rebuking my confrontation. No. It became explicitly clear from his comments that this officer knew beyond any doubt that I'd never participate in a violent confrontation. He was genuinely concerned that I'd been mistreated by the couple.   I assured him that I had been the initiator, and there was zero problem. This is the level of trust and respect their 10,000's of hours of observation have earned me. This is entirely opposite of the distrust and disrespect that Connie and Thomas earned from them. 

I am indeed no longer the disengaged, neglectful of my social duty fellow of most of my decades.  But I am always, and unconditionally a 'brother,' thank Good, to everyone including the abusers, violators, the mean....  unwilling to be silent, and unwilling to be unclear in my input to others that are mistreating folks.  I RARELY, MAYBE NEVER take responsibility for their behavior - it is not my job to change them.  But it IS my job, my DUTY to give them input - clear, CLEAR input, and escalate in doing so if necessary, but not beyond a point; despite the personal risk of all sorts this opens me  up to - cowardice maybe being the ultimate, universal Sin; that which Gandhi despised and feared above all else, rightly so. 

I told you of my extremely harsh encounter with a middle aged, female guard after hours at the power plug that has been my life-line for almost a year now outside that Caribou.  I was immensely harsh with her, probably more than ever before or since in my life to anyone - it was soooo wrong her self-righteous  destroying such a lifeline to me and the few other homeless that would charge their cell phones, or wheel-chairs there after hours, so I offered her clarity on that, in no uncertain terms, for her to do with what she would -  extremely harsh,  but not abusive input, to do with as she saw fit.    

I told you how I anonymously bought her a cup of  hot chocolate a week or so later, and then told her it was my delight to do so, as an attempt to make amends, and how she aggressively, warmly said, 'AMENDS ACCEPTED!'  LOL, the story continues.  The  time that I most desperately need that plug is sat and sun night cuz Caribou closes early those days.  She was on duty during the week, and none of the other guards have EVER SAID ANYTHING!  Sunday night, around the corner she came!  "Hello ma'am!," I said cheerfully and genuinely. "I didn't know you were on weekends!"  "I am tonight," she said with equal warmth, and cheer! "OK, ma'am, I'll pack up immediately if that is what you want, but if you could give me an additional 30 min that's when I'd be done anyway."  "Well, I can't give you 30, but I'll give you 15," and away she walked, her cheer and warmth continuing.  I was packed up in 15 min, I'm a man of my word, but a contractor boss appeared and I gave him the help he asked for in connecting his laptop to the Caribou wifi, so I was in the area another 25 minutes, and was aware that this guard, who the first time had supervised me like a mean prison guard, was nowhere to be seen. 

She sought me out in the Caribou yesterday!  Warmly and cheerfully, and very pleased with herself, "Well, you noticed that I didn't come around again  Sunday night!"  I warmly acknowledged her meaning and relied, "Well, ma'am, I did notice that!  But I'm a man of my word, so I was packed up in 15 min as I said I would." Her interfering with this plug, was/is mean, wrong...  Period.  I felt, that first night, that I OWED IT TO HER, to offer her, in unmistakable terms, that view, so I did, with all the expertise at high stakes communication and constructive confrontation that my 59 years has afforded me.  Thank God, as I ALMOST ALWAYS find, I had the effect I was aiming for - an engagement of her Conscience, Humanity, Sisterhood - Sanity. 
Finally, if you've found this worth reading Friend, I unexpectedly encountered Connie briefly yesterday, or actually, she saw me and came to speak.  Soft, gentle,  respectful, as only a few times per year she can be seen with anyone.  She expressed concern / worry about me that she'd not seen me in the park - was I ok.  I explained that this stage of my campaign had demanded intensive 14 hr per day computer work, that I was fine.  Unmistakeably what was going on, as anyone and everyone that knows Connie well would testify, she is feeling she wants, or may want, something from me, and hence the niceness.  But that's not all bad! 
Brother, among the lessons I'd never have guessed I needed, nor were even possible, that I've received these last 8 years or so in DC, were that 90-99.999% of bad / evil / destructive / self- destructive / insane... behavior is due to the enabling of others.  We choose to be  'nice,' 'non-confrontational,' 'avoidant,' OR equally bad, 'hostile,' 'mean,' 'violent,' ... in the face of injustice, to others, OR ourselves.   I REJECT THESE.  My brothers and sisters are OWED by me CLEAR COMMUNICATION IN TERMS THEY MIGHT BE ABLE TO SEE AND HEAR. And with rare  exceptions, I've found the Love to give it, and the willingness to take whatever consequent risk, hostility, abuse, anger, hate, distrust... results.  True Friends don't enable. 

Connie is sooooo hateful because she is a world-class master of manipulating people to accept it.  I won't do that to her, and her softness, solicitousness... of yesterday was a clear confirmation that my efforts are not entirely in vain.   We'll see. 

Thru this long communication with you am I asserting that I'm perfect, infallible, above reproach...?  I WISH!!!!!!!!!!  But I am asserting that what you witnessed is CENTRAL to what I've come to understand EVERYONE OWES his / her Brother or Sister - Tough Love, to the highest possible standard of responsibility to find that thin line between cowardly passivity, and and self-indulgent violence.  In this sick and objectively dying world (Heschel) if Love is not Tough - it is not Love. 

:-)  I'll save telling you about the arrest I helped with several months ago in the metro, the death threat I predictably received as a result weeks later, and the psychiatric  help that ultimately came as a result to the perpetrator... for a later time. 

"Love AS I HAVE LOVE."  OFTEN, for Him, Jesus, that included extreme harshness. And today's times demand no less from us.  The alternative being the cowardice that Gandhi most detested.   


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D35 50 36 'The ONLY BATTLEFIELD THERE'S EVER BEEN -- Mind, Flesh, Heart.' SL



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