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Showing posts with label Focus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Focus. Show all posts


Evicted. Note to James: James, if you are going to be of any use to anyone you have got to learn what is in front of you, the increased Joy seeking joy in what you can control, your effort, and avoiding all other distractions. There's now....

Note to James: James, if you are going to be of any use to anyone you have got to learn what is in front of you, the increased Joy seeking joy in what you can control, your effort, and avoiding all other distractions. There's now.... an eviction sign for James from where he has been parking at night. No overnight parking. Big white letters on Brown background. James should have expected it but he didn't. And it is a big step forward for James to realize that what he wants is joy in a situation like this, not that it was done, but in an uninterrupted focus on his work. That such things, up and including death and or torture do not throw him off his work and the joy that comes from it. And he's making some progress.


***** System troubles. Resetting, restarting, my nervous system: Did you ever have to reset your phone, or computer? To solve a problem? I suspect you have. I'm going through that with my phone tablet right now because the speed is almost unusable. It is taking quite a few times. For the last several weeks I've been trying to reset my nervous system. So far......

***** System troubles. Resetting, restarting, my nervous system: Did you ever have to reset your phone, or computer? To solve a problem? I suspect you have. I'm going through that with my phone tablet right now because the speed is almost unusable. It is taking quite a few times. For the last several weeks I've been trying to reset my nervous system. So far I don't have the sequence right. As with resetting my phone sometimes it takes finding out what doesn't work before the right sequence is found. This is not a new Phenomenon with me and my nervous system. It's been true throughout my entire life, particularly my adulthood. Sometimes in the last few weeks I thought I found the problem and reset, only to find out that not so. Some of it may have been a blood imbalance but I think most of it is I've been thrown off balance by many things in our world recently, and it is taking me awhile to find my balance, my point of focus, my reason for being, my reason for living, the strength to fight, how I am to fight. I suspect it will happen sooner or later. It is upsetting to me to not be at full fighting strength , but part of the fight is being honest with myself and those traveling with me. Please understand if you can. My current theory is that Many Adventures in the past month or so has taken me away from a laser-like focus on my source of life, an empathic Unity with the children in Palestine , empathic Unity with the poor in Washington DC, and or, devoting my life here exclusively to the one in a million Wagers of loving. I am not feeling the acute connection that I have in the past, many distractions, many dilutions. I expect to try and devote as many hours or days as is needed in the hopes of reconnecting, rebooting, my nervous system. Again, please try and be as understanding as you can as I attempt to bring my system fully back online.


To a friend that I just unfriended:. Friend, I have warm feelings toward you. I do not indulge, go with, follow, my warm feelings toward anyone. I am not here to be a friend with anyone. I am here to.......

To a friend that I just unfriended:. Friend, I have warm feelings toward you. I do not indulge, go with, follow, my warm feelings toward anyone. I am not here to be a friend with anyone. I am here to be a friend to those who are suffering the most on this planet. I never allow myself the luxury of making an idle comment, a casual comment, only slightly thought through comment. At least it is extremely rare. Maybe to a fault I am extremely deliberate, thorough, thoughtful, research-based, fact based, intellectually based, emotionally based, academically based. Why? Because that is all I find Hope in standing on, in me or others. I have no quarrel with others who live their lives in other ways. That's not my business. But it is absolutely my business how to manage my time and that includes managing my various web sites. If anyone is silly enough to find me an authoritative source , which has nothing to do with me always being agreeable to, or correct, or absolutely correct... but for those silly enough to find me an authoritative Source I welcome their presence. In significant part I live for their presence, and I benefit from their comments more than they know. They conduct themselves accordingly speaking with respect and deep thought before they comment. It is not important to me whether they agree or disagree, only that they are thoughtful, as in, thinking deeply thoroughly factually and honestly. Your way of being is much more normal than mine, and much more casual. As I've tried to indicate to you over the years I do not have time for that from me,  you or anyone. This is why I have again unfriended you. My feelings for you are positive. But I don't have time for anyone's casual opinions, non deep, non authoritative, starting with mine. If I don't have time for it from me I surely don't have time for it from anyone else. Your friend forever, no matter what, James



[[[Quote above inspired by my favorite earlier quote, "Example is not the major thing in influencing people. It is the only thing." Albert Schweitzer]]]

The following was inspired by an email exchange with the Godsend activist from Texas, Diane Wilson. First the non bracketed sections Day -10 May 2, , and then the [[ ]] bracket sections Day -11 May 3, in most cases were further inspired by my dialogue with her.... and now a few key updates Day -12 May 4 [[[ ]]].

 [[ I have never known anything more important than what I am sharing in this post with you. Therefore I have never shared with you anything more important than this post. Of course, you are not therefore obligated to me to read this at all. But humbly, I think you are obligated to anyone you know and care about to read it, as long, and rambling, and arduous  as it is.]]
[[ COMMITMENT...Total, unreserved, unhesitating, eager, passionate, aggressive, full hearted, bountiful, unlimited, joyous  COMMITMENT  is the essential and central truth of the life of everyone throughout history that we revere as the Activists who have changed the world for the good. Is this not profoundly true?

Is this not true?

Is this not true of the one, or two, or three people in our personal life that have profoundly improved our individual life for the better?

Which is the mother that we consider heroic, good, or even merely healthy : is it the mother who would do 'almost' anything for the well being of her child, or is it the mother who obviously does anything and everything, without hesitation, with the fullest and most joyful heart, no matter the pain, no matter the sacrifice, no matter the unpleasantness, no matter the indignity, no matter the cost, no matter the price...?

Maybe in our own life personally, if we are among the few lucky ones, or at least in history or literature, can we not think of the parent, the friend, the life partner, the son, the daughter, the spouse, the activist... that is truly the epitome of those sacred words just mentioned here, those sacred roles, truly the epitome exactly and precisely because of the infinite, unconditional, unending, unstoppable COMMITMENT  that was their essential nature?
Can't we please, please, find it within ourselves in 2015 to face the obvious, horrible, ultimately consequential truth, that we have spent decades, at least since the sixties, (and today's ultimate intellectual, Chris Hedges, argues authoritatively, since the early 1900's, in his book and YouTube lectures,  the Death of the Liberal Class), that we have year upon year for decades gained mastery in using our near infinite capacity for denial against our duty to humanity for radical commitment to all of humanity... precisely for the purpose of more and more aggressively and completely running into the embrace of an all-consuming selfishness, self-centeredness, self protectiveness, self aggrandizement, self medicating, self survival, self-pleasuring affloholism  at all costs, consumption centric... way of being? 

Please, can't we for just a moment, in private, as you are reading this, admit and face this ? Is there no one we love enough to face this most central, most important, future destroying truth of our pathological avoidance of True commitment , in time, even for a moment ?

Please note: in recent weeks, mercifully, for me, the word 'commitment' has rocketed to the center all that I understand to be important to humankind, to all of humanity, in this year 2015.  For the last decade of my life, the central manifestation of this all important aspect of human potentiality, 'commitment,'  took for me the form of the words, 'family emergency response,' and if one were to search my writings on the term, 'family emergency response,' they would find my earlier, & I think valuable, thoughts and writings on that. Among the things they might find is a separate blog that I created of excerpts from a book entitled, Courage and Conscience, by Eva Fogelman, stories of non Jewish rescuers during the Holocaust. I highly recommend that for further reading, the blog, the book. I think that my blog profile that can be found on the right side of this blog probably points to that other blog as well.

If you have not read the rest of this post I hope you do so. If you have, then also in double brackets you will find other important updates below. ]]

[[ note: a reminder to my activist sister who I treasure and Revere, who was the original target of the beginnings of this post, of all the people I know you are least the target of any concerns I express in our individual or collective deficiencies in this post. this is neither a credit to you nor a discredit to any of the rest of us, but please keep it in mind.]]

'Hey, dear sister. The 'Dire straits' I am in and out of, the pain,  the hospital,  these last 8 days or so, the 52 day fast... you were referring to? The only dire straits I have are the Palestinian Holocaust by USrael, ecocide,  the final destruction of American democracy, and the long ago Soul-death of any living Americans, with the exception of you and the tiniest tiniest tiniest handful of others, which is the sum total cause of the first three Armageddons . The rest regarding me physically is just of minor interest, and major distraction.

Are there friends looking after me?  This most recent hunger strike was the final straw for the few who had remained at all close. Only one exception that I see, a high school classmate that I'm not sure I would recognize if and when I saw her, but she has remained faithful and kind.  

[[ No, there is no one looking after me, and to some degree those few who had remained close to me realize more clearly than ever that I neither want nor need anyone looking after me. I am not 'the least of these' our family. 'The least of these our family' according to near all of the moral Giants left on earth is objectively our family in Palestine that for 68 years now has been subject to the most brilliant, relentless, excruciating, malevolent, intellectually and technically advanced, near infinitely funded, Infinitely corrupt, malignant terrorization that cruelty, science, evolved Nazism, evolved fascism, evolved colonialism, evolved white Euro American supremacy, evolved white Elite colonialism,1 infinite greed ... can bring to bear. The purpose of my life is to focus my energy, and the energy of anyone I can influence, not on me, possibly through me, to our family in Palestine.]]

I know a tremendous amount about the path that I travel. and I am acutely aware that there is desperately  more to know and I strive with nearly every breath to learn it. 

I have learned a monumentally important lesson from this most recent fast that I did not anticipate learning, and that in another sphere of my life I had mastered early in my adulthood, but only now am i realizing its broader and central application to every aspect of my life now, and always, but I was not aware until now .

In my almost three decades business life I was acutely and centrally aware regarding any prospective relationship whether the nature of the person that I was considering engaging with was a person of profound commitment, or not. Throughout my career I would be in positions where funds were available to hire people for critical assignments and I never made the mistake of filling those desperately needed vacancies unless and until that rare individual with the capacity and yearning to profoundly commit was available. I would almost literally kill myself to take up the slack myself, or to avoid otherwise attractive and lucrative projects, never fooling myself that a less than radically committed individual could be other than at best a dead weight in the 'life and death' missions that were always what I did.

But in my personal life, from the beginning, and to a profound degree in my life as an activist, I have not held the commitment of prospective fellows as a central issue, at least not with the life and death clarity that I had done in my business life, and that I utterly needed to be applying in my personal and activist life .

I suspect I may never make that mistake again, and at the same time, as I said, the few folks that had been hanging at all close to me, too, in their own way, are understanding what has now become clear to me - it is a mistake for me, it is a mistake for others, to be in relationship with me, except with those rare individuals, maybe one in a million, like you, that by their nature understands that True Living, True Life is radical commitment, and anything less, anything else, is simply walking death, living in the matrix.  [['The person is not truly living who is not dying for something larger than themselves,' is a paraphrase, with liberties, of Dr King Jr. I know this to be true from my own life. 'We may not have the money to achieve what humanity needs from us; we may not have enough education,..., but we have the ability to die for it,' is another MLK Jr. quote, with liberties, he spoke to a large gathering of folks in a church during the civil rights movement . 

I know of the centrality  of unconditional, unbridled, commitment, to be true from so much of the literature throughout history that is great. I know this from the lives of those throughout history that I admire. I know this from what has been central to those who have positively impacted my life. Do you not know this as well? 

Am I, are you, leading those we love to True Life, or to the living Death of The Matrix?  For all but one in a million of us the truth, is the latter.   Is there no one we love enough to face this?]]

[[This penultimate centrality of unconditional, unlimited commitment to humanity and creation]] is a joyful, liberating, freeing, clarifying, empowering revelation for me. The total centrality of commitment was so central to any success I had in my business career, and so much misery for me and others has resulted lifelong through my personal life, and to the associations that I otherwise wanted to have in my activist life, through my selective myopia .  I didn't know. But I do now. So much makes sense now that near drove me crazy for so many decades because I couldn't see what was going on. What I was missing. What I was overlooking. Now I get it.

Maybe you are familiar with this old saying: the chicken is involved, the pig is committed. Even in this most vicious, excrutating, malignant, evil Israeli Holocaust of our Palestinians, even the relatively heroic activists involved with this cause, except those in the International Solidarity Movement in Palestine itself, and the Palestinians fighting valiantly in Palestine itself, except for those, even the magnificent American based activists like Jewish Voice for Peace, they are Iinvolved,' but they are only  'committed' with every fiber of their being to not getting sucked in to life changing Radical commitment to freeing Palestine that is the only thing that can ever possibly win. [['No,' you say? Tell me who in the United States is acting as though it is their immediate child, their immediate son, their immediate daughter, that will be the next one tortured terrorized terminated by the Israeli death forces and we American benefactors? Tell me!]]  There are thousands of magnificent people in the United States involved with free Palestine and none that will other than fight to the death to avoid becoming personally committed in a way that is historically worthy of the term .

I am not very bright it sometimes seems . I could not come to see this except by diving in to what I had expected and prayed was an opportunity to pay the full price of my life with the thought of saving even one Palestinian life. 

[[But with not one committed soul that I can see in the united states unconditionally  'committed ' to free Palestine,  I am unable to pay the full price of my life to save even one Palestinian... If a tree dies and falls in the woods but everyone is in willful, sociopathic, impenetrable denial to that act ... It has died in vain . If someone shows up with the ultimate price for what they want above all else but there is no one there to witness, to receive, the payment, they have wasted their life, they have thrown away their ultimate value to no purpose .]]   

[[ You think I am being judgmental? Really? With an adulthood devoted to life and death, high-stakes leadership change, I should not be thinking such thoughts, sharing my thinking? I have not devoted my life to authoritatively understanding such things?]]

[[ Should we not all be devoted to understanding what has been discussed in this post? Should focusing on our selves, on our own behavior and those with whom we associate, those in whom we retain any hope,  should this be off limits, or should this be central to what we are concerned with?

No, I spend almost no time focusing on, analyzing, criticizing many groups... not the Republicans, not the Conservatives, not the politicians, not the evil people, the government, not the corporations, not the fundamentalists and fanatics in any religion .... 

My criticism, my critique, my harshness... Is devoted at those who are most in line with myself, the Liberals, the Democrats, the educated, the 'activists'.... 

Yes, this is against all of the rules of the groups I just mentioned. Among those groups the primary rule is to never criticize those with whom you are associated. This is insanity. This insanity is totally expressed in the following quote from Albert Einstein, the world will not be destroyed by the evil people, but by the good people that do not stop them.' The good people is you who are reading this post , and those like you. You and those like you are the only hope, 100 percent of the only hope. And you are not, by any and every measure stopping the evil people, not in the next one thousand years, and at most you have 1000 days? Where else am I going to constructively focus my attention besides first myself, and secondarily, you, and those like you?]]

Every 1 of the 52 days on this death fast simply showed me that I would be throwing my life away if I want more than the 52 days I took it.

So, if I cannot save  even one Palestinian life, then I can work to slightly improve even one Palestinian life, and this  I shall do.

If and when I get out of this hospital, and based on a consultation with the surgeons several hours ago, although no decisions have been made regarding imminent surgery or not, I'll guess that I will be out this week, I'll then have my computer back at my fingertips and I expect to finalize the Free Palestine Death Fast book that I have in revision number 5. I will send it to you, pdf, and try and highlight the sections that I dearly hope that you spend time reviewing and sharing with me your comments. Again, this Death Fast has taught me some desperately important lessons that I have not been able to learn from others, even from you, & I would really like for you to be exposed to what I have learned whether or not you find it of benefit once you have seen what I mean.

[[ Monday, 3 p.m. 32 pounds lighter from the fast , and still dropping. The hospital has me on liquids only....

Major medical update:
I say again, there is no hospital in the world where I could be receiving more competent, more Loving, assistance then in this Georgetown University Hospital. I am a homeless 'bum,' like Jesus before me... tattoos on my face, no one could be receiving more compassionate, more competent, or thorough care then I. I'm deeply admiring, deeply grateful, because it seems that yet again I am to remain in this horrible wreckage of a world our neoliberal greed and  neglect is creating and the care I am receiving is giving me the ability to continue to attempt to do with every single breath my pitiful little part of trying to make it better for at least one other, unknown, creature.
Today there have been three major consultations, two with the surgical team that has been watching, and could operate on, my abdomen, and with a third doctor, a resident I think, about what is the next step, a probe of my colon.

From the surgical team regarding their diagnosis and outlook as to the bowel obstructions from which I have been suffering since last Saturday morning:

Whereas it may be that over the last 9 days I have had four major occurrences of bowel obstruction that have each resolved themselves except for the fourth one that was resolved with the NG tube, their leading theory, and mine as well, is that it was not four separate occurrences but one occurrence that never resolved.

They really are being very thorough in their explanations now which I need and appreciate.

They very very very very much want to avoid doing any more surgery because experience shows clearly that any surgery definitely increases the likelihood of future bowel obstructions over and above even what current surgeries have resulted in. And any time there is surgery around the intestines it can result in wounds to the intestine itself which can be extremely dangerous and problematic.

They have been clear for several days that they hoped I would stabilize enough that they could do a probe and look as far as they could within my colon to see if they could see what was causing the obstructions. Among their major concerns is more cancer, more tumors, as this was the site, my colon, of the original tumors.  Further, they have checked with my oncologist here at Georgetown, understand that I was due for a colonoscopy anyway to screen for further cancer, so all of this should occur tomorrow after a night for me of me drinking a gallon of stuff to cleanse my bowel, ugh.

Final scheduling is not yet set so it could be delayed until Wednesday.

They, we, simply don't know what will happen afterwards. That is, we don't know if I will go hours, days, weeks, or longer... before the next bowel obstruction.

As to diet they say that the research is clear, or the lack of research is clear, or both, there is just nothing that says what diet is best for someone after the abdominal surgeries that I have had, to best avoid obstructions, adhesions.... There are no known restrictions that offers any improvement over no restriction at all.  Yes, there is much to the contrary on the internet, which they acknowledge, but this team has my total confidence. Goodness, have they earned it. ]]


Colonoscopy and general colon exam completed.

No new cancer or tumors found.  Several small polyps removed.

No hints as to the source of the four major obstruction bouts this last week.

This leaves the leading theory that it is scarring from prior surgeries that are causing the obstructions.  But it will be Wed, this morning, that I expect to learn from the docs what they propose.]]]


SPDF vlog Day 32: I knew how to recognize and pick business associates. I should've seen that picking 'frieneds' is the same, for me.

I was good if not extremely good at identifying associates, partners, team members in business that were up to the Herculean tasks that were always my focus and responsibility in business.  I can see who could do the work, quite clearly, I could see who was not up to the task, quite clearly, I could see when they were attracted to the mission, and I can see when they were not capable of that. 

These skills of mine for which I take no personal credit were instrumental to the business success that I had.  I always had an important, ultimately important, role to fulfill on the team, but never did I achieve any substantial results except as part of a maniachally committed, massively focused, heroically motivated team of individuals.

It has only just occured to me in the last couple of days that in my personal life, and in my activist life these last 10 years , I've been as unsuccessful at my associations as I was successful in business. 

It is occurring to me now that I was using an entirely different mindset in the two different situations and that this was a tremendous mistake. 

I believe that the healthy individual lives to achieve important human missions and that everything else is to be subservient to that in the healthy person, and I mean physiologically, psychologically healthy.  Therefore one should not use different considerations in whom they associate with in a any aspect of their life , certainly not in the most sacred of pursuits, activism.  But I have viewed it entirely differently and thereby wasted a tremendous amount of time of other people and of myself. 

It's not a matter of blaming myself, or of absolving myself blame.  I've done and will always do the best that I can but I think I've just gained a massive new insight.  I need to consider each and any association from the perspective of the entirely mission oriented individual that I am.  This is a very optimistic consideration for me.


SPDF Day 16: CAUTION: I am on a mission. It is a mission I've been training for, preparing for, my entire life. I have little time left to finish my work.....

SPDF Day 16:  CAUTION:  I am on a mission. It is a mission I've been training for, preparing for, my entire life.  I have little time left to finish my work. I study, analyze, plan, replan, rethink... every day, using my lifetime of training, learning, expertise.  I am not perfect at what I do, but frankly, I see no one, no one, no one... involved in working to Free Palestine that understands the situation, needs, and required action as I do. That is neither to my credit, nor necessarily, to the discredit of others.  But it is part of my assessment of the situation.  I benefit from breathtaking minds every day.  My google alerts include some of the finest minds and souls I've ever seen - Max Blumenthal, Glen Greenwald, Jimmy Carter, Emira Hass, Norman Finkelstein, Chris Hedges, Gideon Levy, Robert Reich, Philip Weis, Noam Chomsky....  Many of these have devoted decades to bringing Justice to Palestines, and I have been devoted less than a year.  But, well, take today, for example, after the Satanyahu election.  Some of these are breathless with amazement at the results, at what it shows them about the true character of the Israeli psycho state, etc.....  I've been at this less than 9 months and they are only now seeing what I already saw clearly months ago??????  I couldn't be where I am without them, and others, but they do not have my background in analysis, visioning, ACHIEVING RESULTS, FAILURE-IS-NOT-AN-OPTION, leadership, implementation, 100% to the death solidarity with the needy.  No discredit to them. No credit to me. My point?  I seek better alternatives EVERY DAY, ANY MOMENT OF ANY DAY.  But I'm not playing, I'm a world class expert at what I do, and I have not one second to waste.  Anyone that comes my way that has an extremely well thought out, massively important comment, suggestion, addition, alternative... I'll be immensely interested and grateful.  Anyone that tries to use my time for drama, hysterics, attention to me (instead of Palestine), less than gold-standard, historically and theoretically solid alternatives, suggestions, corrections... will receive a stern, 'Good day to you,' from me.  Full Stop.  NONE OF US should have a second to waste, and I do not, and will not, whatever the price to me personally.  I'm willing to fail; I'm unwilling to not give this every nano-second of my best attention, time and effort till the end.


***** (!!!!!) nd 'The root of all evil is conditional, tribal, selective, loving, conditional family. If I love any one I must stop for getting this. We have so little time. If I love any one, I must keep my focus here. I must stop being confused and distracted. There is no time left for Error.' Loving

***** (!!!!!) nd 'The root of all evil is conditional, tribal, selective, loving, conditional family.  If I love any one I must stop for getting this.  We have so little time.  If I love any one, I must keep my focus here.  I must stop being confused and distracted.    There is no time left for Error.' Loving