Solar RV cycling log June 26. It didn't kill me, I f*****g grew!.


Solar RV cycling log June 25 period of what the fuck's? Disaster a fuckings friend? 2 days ago 3/4 of the way into a terrific ride  left leg went broken. No, not an actual bone break . Something in the tissue on the left outside of the knee. Yes, very frustrating. Seems that It is a tissue sort of thing and maybe in the Family of cramping?

Many things have been tried in that journey 2 days ago, the substantial journey yesterday. And this journey tonight.

The tremendous blessing That it is not sustained damage. That it is not like shin splints which was an original thought. Running James was very susceptible to those. They do not go away quickly if at all. This appears And then with rest even 15 minutes disappears a little bit. For a little bit. Intended James planned  to secure pickles today because pickle juice has a miracle cure reputation among cyclists, for cramps. But remember he did not. So 1 or 2 days away that is.

Extremely reticent James is to let go of The advances in strength and technique, of these many recent months. So willing he is to give up, to rest, to have severe low calorie days, but not without 1st exploring every other option.

James it may be should enter into a formal addiction program. Almost not kidding. With all his discussion of keeping the lower leg limp discovered it was today that it has been anything but. It is beyond James comprehension. But there it is.

This discovered as James was forced by this injury to triple, quadruple and more his efforts to have the lower leg completely limp on the theory that that might reduce or liminate this crippling painful event. And it seems to at least mitigate and when done properly, yes, maybe near completely avoid the pain. The muscle spasm which seems to be the lead theory.

An occupational hazard of James choice to do these climes at extremely low speed extremely low rpm and relatively high torque, an occupational hazard may be that it creates a dangerous physical linkage between each slight movement of the crank and extreme force and requirement within james' body. By contrast, what this climb tonight is revealing is that if the linkage is broken by a higher power ratio, which enables without extreme force ann rpm of probably 45 or 50 instead of its lowest 30 or 35, that a thing is enabled. Different parts of the body but in this case the thighs can be enabled to swing freely as a power source. It is almost surreal but based on the  instrumentation it is quite real.

So what is propelling us up the mountain at a sub par 100 human W per hour is dialing in enough power at each moment so that the thighs can opposingly thrust, waggle .

So An important lesson for tonight is that for the vehicle to move the body must be aware of power going in to the project. It's logical that it would feel that power going into the pedal somehow. But at least with this current body breakage there are other ways of the body feeling that power going into the project. In this case the movement of the thighs with power past one another with the lower leg completely relaxed at least in my mind and enough that it is not triggering these episodes.

Another significant lesson seems to be that there are multiple ways to generate power to move the vehicle and multiple mental images To trigger that period is there an optimal? James certainly does not know. ? Well, It seems that James has been able to regroup and not have major period of backslide and if it were not for all the skill building strength building and building of mental strategies and physical understanding We would not be continuing. Chance favors the prepared mind and body.

Oh, the shades, the sunglasses? Turns out that the gnats don't much like cool. These little fucktard are incredibly brilliant. Somehow they know when James is totally too exhausted to swipe them in that instant they go for the eyes, they know when the grade is so tough the james' can't swipe them or he has a wrench in one hand and a delicate operation going on and he can't swipe so they go for the eyes. No kidding. These fuckings little bastard's. They couldn't care less about the various repellents. Having a fan blowing it my face maybe discourages them a little bit but not much.

Well everything's been tried, except for cool. These goggle like glasses so far tonight at least slow the little Fokker some and so far have completely discourage them. Will they learn? Wouldn't be surprised pretty learn the Thirza little slot where they can fit in period

By the way, this is a great little learning exercise to find joy in the midst of hell. Mostly kidding but not entirely.

Hes not proud of it but quite literally James has almost broken his nose swatting at these little fucks hours. Almost poked out his left eye wear this some. He has tried hats with netting but they're so hot and they really destroy visibility. Wide brim hat, the little bastard's couldn't care last. This little exercise tonight suggest that there's a role for these glasses. And there will be a lot of driving if things go According to plan a lot of time out in high desert Sun and these polar Glasses Have some health benefits for the eyes as a result. Back to fairly important stuff.

James, please take away that if you are not feeling Independence free moving power generation in the thighs then you are trying to force things with your lower legs and Injury prone is at least one of the downsides.

James, please remember, if you are feeling free energy generation, force, pressure, in the thighs that it is getting into the vehicle even if you can't fully understand and feel how that's happening. It certainly seems to be an immutable law of physics.

Reminder from the last month that there is potentially a multiplier, a with action in that final 2" of full leg extension. This is easy to forget and not that difficult to reclaim once remembered. There's no indication that are hurts anything and it probably is a particular point of leverage.

Oh, and James has very mixed emotions about this but not pure, these little fucken nats seem to know when they're being swatted at and/or killed. They have to be serious hand grabs and James has no idea what his hit rate is. But the little foker's either die and don't come back but more likely, he misses them, but they realizes that it's dangerous and they seem to communicate teach other until James travels into the net next pack and they don't know yet.

Technical note, this is being voice typed as most logs are as James travels toward the end of the journey. This is being done on the no charge standard Samsung app voice recorder. Maybe they don't know how wonderful what they have is. Maybe by agreement with other vendors that permit them not to advertise how excellent it is.


Solar RV cycling log June 26. It didn't kill me, I fuckings grew!.

James, how can you be so slow?????

Well, like all of us, he is doing the best he knows.

Short journey this morning, 4 or 600 calories, but steep climbing.

What a treasure trove. Building on top of the yesterday log.

James, listen up! If 100% of the energy you do not feel coming from the thighs, you are trying to peddle with your lower legs. Don't do it! In case you didn't hear me, don't fuckinh do it! Exert the energy within your thighs. Until you feel 100% of the necessary energy there.

Something like magic, when 100% of the energy is found within the thigh stroke and circularity, the lower legs from the knee down can be felt to go limp, to go completely relaxed. There probably is 0 other way to achieve that.

In low rpm high torque situations the home place for the thighs is alignment with the shin's. That is, the home position where every stroke  understands itself to be originating and terminating is in the full legs straight but not hyper extended position. This is big.

With this new found 100% thigh power source it is found that the full circular in my imagination thigh range is appropriate. Normally or previously James would have thought that the range becomes more finite. Maybe so until it was understood today about this whole Position in high torque low rpm situations being full extension. In higher rpm lower torque per rpm situations There seems to be a crossover point concept which is Inches above What has been spoken of here as the home position.

Remember, James is in a low rpm situation due to a suboptimal bottom end Gear situation of this miraculous vehicle, soul. So another important discovery today. In these lower rPM Hi torque situations 2 things. One, James, you can and should slow the RPMs to appoint, to allow that home position to be Achieved without undue force. And 2, as has been the case Much of yesterday and all today, use the incremental motor ratio, increment it, as needed to allow a Sufficient rpm which seems to be 46 or above. For many many months James has been glad to achieve maximum exercise in minimal miles which translated into r P m's averaging 36 per minute which is horribly and maybe dangerously low. That means far fewer strokes for a given amount of power which certainly translates into major stress on the hard and soft tissue. Probably a sustainability problem which should be rarely if ever allowed now. On what is probably 12% grade right now James is at a motor factor of 9 whereas 3 up to 4 is what he has been doing on such such terrain in recent months. That was nice, but probably too dangerous for the body. So instead of a Minimal travel speed that the gearing results in of as low as 1.1 miles per hour James probably should recognize a limit of 1.5 miles per hour up to 1.8 miles per hour with this Carus ponding rpm of probably 42 to a more desirable 46 or 50RPM.

Acceptable 120 watts for hour is being maintained with all this new practice and theory. Quite possibly on more level ground at higher rpm a similar perceived expenditure of power will register in higher actual metrics.

Note to James! Yes, somehow your body immediately forgets that all of the power can come from the thighs, 100% perceived power from the thighs. By this afternoon it will have forgotten and decided that this is impossible. Don't let that happen. James, it is a thing. Try and stay here for days or weeks or months until you prove something else to be more desirable. As you have known in the past it seems relatively impassible that much energy if at all can come out of the relatively dead inert piston being driven on the locomotive drive train. Try and hold on to that and try and remember that this day June 26 in the morning about 500 calories of very steep climbing you discovered That absolutely with reasonable comfort and sanity and mindlessness this 100% of energy felt in the thighs is doable.

F****** hear me! All hope, 100%, for our self, our dearest, and anyone else, is on residing within our childlikeness, and thereby exerting gravity on those influenced by us to do the same. This is a better understanding of what Gandhi meant by Soul Force.


James is out of politics now. You should be too.

Trump and his nazi troll army have already won. Hitler and his troll army won long before the final political trappings were evident. Only a fool will deny this and not plan their lives now immediately accordingly.

The vast majority of at risk populations in Germany were such fools. Don't you be. And help those you can alert and access not be. At risk categories is everyone except for the nazi trolls. The highest risk categories can be seen in the newspapers today, people of color, immigrants, muslims, dissidents, LGBTQ, infirm, handicapped, elderly, etc.

What to do? Leave the country now. Establish serious plans to leave the country now. Move to what may be the safest States Which I suspect are States like California and New York. Establish quick exit plans to get to those States. Playing your political lives accordingly and your political activity accordingly. James is considering ending his political activities now. They have been peripheral to his major mission to ignite the rare soul now or hundreds of years from now, reignite. Pioneering joyful living in Unstoppable hell. I suggest this is the work of us all now. This is what we owe the survivors. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

Is James defeatist? Never has been. Unwilling to deny truth.

What of James assumptions that the trolls have already won? Do you see anything that will stop them?

Do you see anything that makes stopping them likely?

Do you see anything that elected or not keeps Trump from being in office with that Nazi Troll Army on 2022?

There is nothing to stop him. There is nothing to stop them. There is nothing to stop them. There is nothing to stop them. There is nothing to stop them. The article below is one of many. There is nothing Stop them. Nothing is stopping them.

And a few of the other articles of which there is an avalanche....

Neoliberal Fascism and the Echoes of History -


What if I had been raised to be blind, crippled? Instead I was raised as a body and head, not a soul.

Power for, or power over? Those in power are guilty of criminal exploitation, until proven innocent.

Power over is always corruption. Abuse. Exploitation. Power for is almost never ever seen.

My first home ever, the second time.

I love this place. I deeply love this place. I wasn't looking for home. I never imagined there was such a thing for me. I don't know that is it is reciprocated although among a handful I know that it is. I love the natural magnificence, the decency of the people, even the climbers and hikers, many of them, a bit self-absorbed, but serious, the shopkeepers and the shops, the air, the Whitney portal hostel, the Ravens....

It is very difficult to thought of leaving in a couple of weeks. But being here these last 8 months has been an incredible cocoon hot house growth opportunity and it has done its work. So it is joyful to take this growth back on the road.
Don't know if I'll ever be back. But I expect in 5 months I'll return to rest and recover and go deeper. And then probably on to Joshua Tree for the winter, not nearly as wonderful for me as this but much much higher traffic in the winter time.


The essential American soul is hard, isolate, stoic, and a killer. DH Lawrence.

Update. My bags are packed. I'm ready to go. "How's you guts?"

"How's you guts?" My friend asked on Facebook. My reply. I think I'm in the clear John. It may have been another incredible Gift, wake up call. James. Chew. Chew man. Don't swallow until you chew it down to dust. And hydrate at least moderately at the same time.  Make it really really really easy on the small intestine to accept from the stomach. This is wildly speculative, the following. But ever since the cancer operation it is virtually never that I have a solid bowel movement. This chewing may have been part of it. We'll see. But in any case, yesterday was a big food intake stress test and we passed with flying colors.  John, It was such a gigantic blessing for me to get to know you, to spend some time with you. Such a nice man. An angel Among Us.

Less than 100% chance I'll be departing Lone Pine as projected yesterday, this when I thought more soberly about the heat this time of year, even heading north, as I thought about it last night and early this morning. But as some mapping was done the this morning now, the odds are quite high again. It will be with deeply fond sadness that I depart this area. But it is back to feeling like the most joyful thing to do right now,  not the departing the area, But the seeing if this old teabag can find some boiling water, to steep in.

it looks like three or four days barring any severe winds, for which this area is prone, to make it to elevations two or 3000 some feet higher, cooler.  up toward Monmouth lakes. It might be that I'm not worrying enough about the heat. But it's also possible. I'm worrying too much. Worrying is probably not the right word but paying attention to? .

"You are an amazing soul James. Thank you for everything you do to help spread the light. I sincerely appreciate you," my friend Rex wrote. " you are totally worth it James, you have given everything. Please accept the medical support from our society? You need to carry on your important teaching. "  paraphrase. My friend Shoto despite my periodic harshness has refused for our relationship to terminate. I'm so glad.

I don't know what I am period. James does not know what he is. He never has.  it's a mystery. He just gets pulled forward and forward. But it seems he has good within him, no credit to him. The only reason he can think that his overachieving father didn't have him killed. And he needs to continue to do what he can to intensify that. Increase the potency and to make it available as best he can. And he is sensing all of a sudden this last day or so that the growing process which was the purpose of being here in Lone Pine, Mount Whitney, has indeed enabled a tremendous amount of growth and solidifying of what James has spent a lifetime striving toward. at a point of completion? ROFL but at a point of mastery that is suchhe must get out and see what he can do to give it wider availability. A more aggressive fishing expedition more aggressively offering the seeds for planting. the vehicle Sol has been receiving some considerable thought regarding this resumption of more aggressive traveling mentioned.

As stated by James recently  an interest in having a rear drive wheel situation that is better able to handle Sandy and packed dirt roads where the climbing may be significant. My brother john hevy brought to my mind an idea that had been discarded some time ago of attempting to establish effectively a tire chain sort of option for these brief periods when such off road travel is expected really desirable.

At the  hardware store some plastic stranded rope was secured and tomorrow it is expected that that will be attempted on several areas that have been difficult or impossible to surmount ground here, wrapping it around the rear wheel. James is carrying a tire received last week, which is also an important opportunity to try a three inch wide tire versus the 2.4 currently on the vehicle, now worn out. The 3 in it is relatively expensive. And much of the travel now if indeed Lone Pine is departed will be highway shoulder well paved and smooth. And this knobby three inch wide tire is not ideal for that. So if in fact, this tire chain idea that john revived works out that will be a really wonderful option and the knobby tire will be carried if the situation calls for.

James if you do indeed depart the  Mount Whitney, you will be missed. said someone who works in one of the establishments that I frequent when I told her. my beloved sister Chrissy at the restaurant where I had toast this morning is so worried about my health that I didn't even have the heart to tell her that I might be departing. Maybe tomorrow morning if I see her.

This town has just been a godsend for me. Such an oasis. Such a place to build for the next work.

on more of a newsy Note. The fire season no longer exists. In California, it is always fire season. But there are more intense times than others and we're beginning to move into the more intense times. about 40 miles south west of Lone Pine a fire of about 500 acres has been burning way back in the wilderness. Lone Pine is in the very top right of the map. And helicopters have been very active farrying something and apparently some of it being water from very near the portal road where I spend much of my time working online. There has also been a fair amount of hiker emergencies on Whitney, which has much more snow than prior seasons for a long time, and is apparently very treacherous. A fellow from the East Coast was found dead there within the last week. And I'm informed there have been three deaths so far this year. On Whitney much of it apparently doesn't make the news, the average being six or seven a year. And that also may be responsible for some of the helicopter activities.

I'm feeling substantially full emotionally this morning. Some of it is probably the intense feeling that comes when you've dodged the bullet. All this medical emergency stuff. Some of it with a thought of moving past Lone Pine. Much of it with the outpouring of genuine concern for James from Facebook friends and friends face to face.

Very expensive very rare event happily staying yet a third night here at the Mount Whitney hostel here in town. It is  not a clear call in the least. But it's the call just made by James, his nervous system is telling him you're entering a substantial transition, you're in a substantial transition. Take another day and get your feet on the ground. Further mapping of places to stay off road in the coming weeks and months is being done. And probably work on the major project that James would like to complete before taking to the road. And that is a annotation of the now clean. Four Gospels, Tolstoy translation and then extraction of the summary portions of that into a more comprehensive, clean certain document that he can have a central though not exclusive to his audio study as he is on the road.

Also, quite possibly, he will be downloading a book he's referenced several times in recent days by the Yale multi degreed authority that had the guts months or a year or so ago, to pull together some prestigious colleagues across the country in psychology to do something that psychologists never do, stick their necks out and express concern about someone. In this case, Donald Trump the dangerous case of Donald Trump, as I recall, is the name of the book. No, I do not advocate for me or anyone that we afford ourselves the criminal luxury of constricting Donald Trump. It's too late. The Titanic is sinking. What article suggests to me that this book  buy a Bandy Lee provides an extraordinary window to more deeply understand human pathology. And for that reason, it will most likely be downloaded and translated into a form that James can have read to him some weeks hence. He'll also be creating a post for the of what James currently experiences as a massive epiphany regarding the audience that all of us should be focused on, the micro audience, But who are they? James feels that for his own work, some tremendous clarity came regarding that tremendously important topic.

Also, a reason for delaying departure another week or so, a dentist appointment is scheduled for this coming week as is a doctor's appointment, be when we follow up ask for by the ortho trauma Hwang down at Riverside several days ago.

My next read. Free download? Yes. Link here. Dangerous case of Donald Trump, Yale Professor Bandy Lee.


James Mission needs your help. Yes, that places no obligation on you, however...

.... the fact remains he needs your help, his mission needs your help.

he'll probably live many more years, but as Gandhi said, live as though you would die tomorrow and that's where I find the intensity of life worth living.
My most important work has been the site

As with my life, the purpose of this site is to help ignite not anyone, not everyone, that's just not possible anymore than it is possible to ignite any but the rarest of Twigs or branches in a forest that has been under Deluge for a long long time. My life and this site is designed to help reignite the one in a million soul that has not been virtually totally extinguished and with some powerful encouragement and removal of a sense of being totally alone, might be reignited to the humanity we are all born too.
I need people to spend some time at this site, 15 minutes oh, an hour, 15 hours, whatever. And to know their thoughtful comments positive and negative. With the intended audience and purpose in mind.

In a prior post this afternoon I indicated that it seems to me I will be going back on the road within a week or  so and that will reduce the time that I could work on this site.
 You, and or people you know that might provide a thoughtful review of what it is intending to be, please feel free to invite them to do so. James

Now, a given and fixed a sumption of this site, and my life experience tells me that, this one in a million sufficiently dry twig is dying to ignite. But it will not without help. Without a lot of help. Point being, unlike any other population this site does not have time to be spoon-fed, nor can it do all the work itself. But that's the balance.

by the way, why the snake picture? Got me. And the poor sucker wasn't alive anymore. It was on the road and I hoped to get it off but it was too late.

It was never time to be political, but that's all we've done and look it where....

It was never time to be political, but that's all we've done and look it where
it's gotten us. What if we tried doing the right thing? What if we took the consequences of doing the right thing, and then doing it again, and then doing it again, even if we knew we were going to fail? This is exactly what all the great souls in the history of the world have done, pleaded with us to do, died for us to do.

There is nothing left for us to lose materially except our denial and delusion. There is everything to be gained, in this process we would regain our souls. And this applies to any individual that makes the attempt.

Yes, all hope for material decency in the future is lost, James continually.....

Yes, all hope for material decency in the future is lost, James continually claims. But make no mistake. It is because we lack the only thing necessary a tiny fraction of enough living souls to save the future. Everything material necessary is available in abundance. Other than that mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

I have read a set of real credible articles by a courageous extremely credible Yale psychologist, with other degrees in Divinity and Medicine, who pulled....

I have read a set of real credible articles by a courageous extremely credible Yale psychologist, with other degrees in Divinity and Medicine, who pulled together a range of other experts and they published the book. Bandy Lee, the dangerous case of Donald Trump.  A line that hit me was about how it struck her that he is very much the toddler, not being derisive, being clinical, the toddler that has toys and sand and soldiers in front of her and creates in Her Imagination her total world. Of course this author said it better than this but that's the gist. It struck me as very apt. He has been enabled since toddlerhood to be a toddler Tyrant and is now. He is enabled to create his own fantasy world in material world with all the lackeys around him. He imagines the reality he wants and then with his tantrums and wealth imposes it. And that of his imagination is his reality, that's as far as it goes. And we let him. We let it, I mean. Worse than that, we totally enable it. If there were ever a time that we simply turned our attention away from him, whatever it cost us, he would fold like a pitiful House of Cards.

But infinitely more likely, we will allow him to keep his fingers from the new clear buttons, and to raise his rabble mob and it will be Nazi Germany all over again.

The time for me to go is Approaching. Bitter sweet. Update.

 As announced in a post yesterday a plan today was to take in additional day in the hospital in part so that a major stress test could take place, the one day a week All you can eat Asian buffet for lunch. That completed about an hour ago. Normal huge load of calories. Indications so far is that there is no problem. Extra care was taken to chew extremely thoroughly and two more liberally consume water. And that is likely to be a major benefit of this last major health emergency. It is hoped that that may be sufficient at least to stave off the next attack for quite a while. And based on what limited study has been possible on the Internet, although there is a bit of risk it seems a reasonable one.

 It seems that the time to depart is approaching fairly rapidly. This is bitter sweet but more sweet than bitter. This has been an extraordinary place of Work and comradery and Magnificence feeding the soul, very intense productive study taking James abilities to the next level. For the end? Gandhi said something like, live is though you are going to die tomorrow, learn as though you would live forever. And so it is with James. Gandhi died saying that he had barely scratched the surface of what he needed to become. It is and will be the same with James. Einstein felt the same way I'm quite sure.

why depart? Not because of indications that James is going to be told to. But because a tea bag on the shelf doesn't do much good. It needs to be out in hot water. That is not to suggest James anticipates going to a particular trouble spot. But he expects to by going on the road, probably North on 395 toward slightly cooler climes in some case. It's a very high traffic road and somewhat dangerous for that reason but the drive by traffic will be tremendous and It may prove to be hotter water pot to continue the analogy, than staying in Lone Pine right now. A vague sense is of departing in the next week or so, heading North, Very slowly, no point in speed, quite possibly a hovering around the higher elevations and cooler temperatures of mamoth lakes for a while, Continuing at a slow pace North. Continuing North until necessary for a return to avoid getting caught in substantial snow. Quite possibly spending a couple of months in Lone Pine in the fall and early Winter. May be longer, may be shorter. And then heading down toward Joshua Tree which was the intended destination last fall. For James' body despite the cold Lone Pine is just the ideal place to stay your round. But it is thought that much higher visibility and therefore much richer fishing opportunities exist in being back on the highway much of the time.

It is hoped that a wider tire that should be on by tonight or tomorrow will prove to Solve the problem of having enough power to get up to camping sites on dirt roads, but not enough traction. If not there are 2 more things to try but that will be a tremendous help with this idea of getting back on the road if it proves successful. ....

Update. My friend after reading the above wrote... Daer James, I just read your post. I am glad to see you are not dying now in the hospital, but thinking it will be soon. I wonder what will actually be: you've come close before, and went on to do a whole new life of service and teaching. Blessings. I'm chanting for you.

My reply:  LOL. I hope I was not terribly unclear. It is time for me to go from this geography. I think the today's stress test of heavy eating and yesterday but doing it as intelligently as possible indicates that maybe for months or more likely years I may avoid the next attack. This location, Lone Pine Mount Whitney has been an absolute godsend. And my body doesn't want to go and part of my soul doesn't want to go. But my whole soul says, James, you've done what you needed to do here, you need to get back out on the road. Ugh. Lol.

My friend:  Yes, I wasn't clear about what you meant. But it did seem that you were planning to get back on the road. Are you actually well enough to do it? I'm just thinking of your body lasting longer for your work.

James : The health emergency of several days ago and apparently it was life and death, the chance was of it rupturing once it was blocked. It's a fairly binary event. It's plugged or it is not. And if I can avoid it getting plugged again and I really think there's a good chance. I ate several apples really quickly and they had the skins on. I did not chew carefully as carefully as I would now. And it's an entry thing. The blockage occurs almost immediately that the food exits the stomach and enters the small intestine. So the literature online is not terribly clear. It's not really very clear at all. It's not clear that they have a handle on what triggers this. But logically if the particles that enter the small intestine are really really tiny and they go in with sufficient liquid alongside them the odds of blockage would go down dramatically and I should certainly be able to hold myself responsible for that. There is no indication that I know of or find in the literature that if I delayed things my probability of avoiding an attack would go down. I was surprised at how quickly the hospital put me on a regular diet. But I think they knew what they were doing. And my body is saying, they knew what they were doing. We're back on track. There's certainly little indication to say that my departure in probably two weeks now maybe less maybe more would be at all Reckless. And to avoid doing so due to my condition I think would be over cautious given these times. Hugs.

Friend:  I see. Thanks for explanation. Hugs and best wishes. I'll continue chanting for a while.

James:  ❤️❤️❤️

All great souls are failures. They have all tried to save the world. They have all totally failed. Except in joy. And saving the one in a million soul.

Saving lives? It is way too late for that. Saving Souls is the only responsible thing to do.

The material future is hell. Ecocide is certainty. Bear no more children. The Young Ones must be our priority.

We didn't choose ecocide. We chose happiness instead of joy, and the result is ecocide.

Thanks to so many good folks James is able to fight another day. Dodged another bullet. No Medicare, no James.

Thanks to my brothers  John Hevy and Bill Fletcher and you that Put Your Hearts under my wings and lifted me, and Medicare, and really good folks in the medical system here, James is here to fight another day.
I hope that the lesson to be learned here was, James, with this scar tissue in your belly, and now is the time when it starts to grab small intestine, shoe, Man, chew. Nothing smaller than piece of dust gets into your stomach. Pulverize it first. There may be more to it than that, maybe I would need to radically restrict my activity and my need for calories but that's a price I'm loath to pay.

In an abundance of caution, and with financial help from a brother, last night was spent in the hostel and again tonight. Today I will resume my once per week all you can eat Asian buffet, yep. It's a necessary part of the health of this mission. My intention is to pulverized like crazy and take more time. And to see how things go. Stress test if you will in a relatively safe environment. If that goes well as I expect it will then tomorrow normal routine will resume.

It is unfortunate. I seem to be hitting my stride in terms of my micro ability to help some soul here or there, at just the time they body gets more vulnerable. When I can no longer justify the resources I consume based on what hope for the world I might be, it's time to go. But that doesn't seem to be yet.


A small group of you seems to truly care. ...

It amazes me, and it touches me and lifts  my wings.

The tube is out.  A lifesaver in, and agony to swallow, and debilitating... my body saw it as a huge violation and shut down. And that was a mercy, allowing me to sleep through much of what otherwise would have been swallowing pain. Further aided by a beautifully equipped hospital with a bed who's back I could raise and that helped reduce any swallowing while sleeping.
The tests where contrast was put in the stomach and then x-rays over a two or three-hour period Tracks the flow, the results indicated that the blockage had lessened Or gone away.

So mid-morning  or late-morning they removed the tube and have given me two meals of liquid and semi liquid diet, oatmeal being the most solid thing and so far no problem. So it is expected that I will be discharged tomorrow, and hopefully although it is difficult for them, hopefully by 7 a.m. so that I can begin the 9-hour public transit back to Lone Pine which is about 220 miles north of here.

0 to 5 I would rate this facility at 5. Kindness, compassion, expertise, responsiveness....

they received my question about guidance as to how to avoid needlessly triggering such an attack in the future, and a future attack is probably more likely than not, they readily admitted that they didn't know but will check the literature which they did. Staying well hydrated and many small meals versus large ones is what they found. And to their credit they genuinely were interested in what additional information I might find.
And just as I found qualified information that said, no, James, you're not supposed to necessarily die from this colon cancer, get a second opinion, this being four years ago or so, there is information that seems qualified that indicates that things like the skin of fruits, apples for example, high-fiber, can't be digested and can ball up and  cause such obstruction. I thought it was the apples. I still think so.
There are logical extremes I could go to but would cause a great disruption or shutdown of my currently very active life. And so far that's a price I'm unwilling to pay.
But what I do take away from this is to try and reduce the size of meals that I consume or consume them over a longer period Of time, chew very thoroughly particularly things that are high in fiber, but occasionally avoid like apple peels, and to stay even better hydrated than I have been particularly when there is food in the system.
This has been a very painful, process, but I have remained joyful in part because I kept in mind that my job, and I think the job of all of us adults, is to learn to find joy, that is staying within our soul in charge, respecting and observing the body but not becoming the body, our job is to Pioneer how to do that in hellish situations.
There were probably eight or 12 staff members that have encountered me in this visit maybe more.
Two of them independently Drew themselves into conversation with me. One I think appropriately gregarious and the other particularly curious about the tattoos. 1 interchange lasted an hour or more during the X-ray process, and the other probably 10 minutes or so in my room.
Such an extraordinary privilege. And supporting that I am studying things that are helpful to deliver in such situations. Whatever competence I have is growing.
I only ever share or write what has already been helpful to me but I am becoming more helpful.
The first conversation over x-rays was a wonderful young man and there is little question that the information I shared, much of it clinical and scientific, to some degree strengthened his soul, his limbic system, the goodness within us all, to be more in charge. He was open and ready and eager for that.
The second individual drawn to the tattoos the dialogue lead of course into the man Jesus among other things, and she seemed to be able to hear what I had to say. But it was difficult. I did not probe and she did not reveal her background but almost certainly she is of a Christian tradition and I think the other individual as well.
So after I had shared for 8 or 10 minutes much of it about the man Jesus and what he taught this person asked, yes, do you believe that Jesus is your savior, do you believe in him? And I tried to help her understand that in the eight or ten minutes I had spoken to her that I had not said so and that that was her answer. The analogy that I drew was that I believe in Jesus the same way that I would believe in Albert Einstein, as a rare individual that opened the door for those of us that want to see reality in a much Fuller way.
She seemed to be genuinely intrigued with this and resistant at the same time. Pretty much all I can ever hope to do is occasionally sow a seed on fertile soil.
Late in the conversation trying to help her understand where I was coming from, I said, now where did Jesus tell us that the kingdom of God is? I'll guess that certainly she considers herself a well-informed Christian. She admitted quite comfortably, I don't know, did he ever tell us? I said, he was very explicit, he said there will never be a time when one can say oh, the kingdom of God is here, or there, it will never come by observation. The kingdom of God is within you, and I told her that I'm certain that means our soul. Our limbic system. She didn't challenge me but she wanted to know, does it really did he really say that, where? So I instantly voice typed, I could do that by then, and up came Luke 20 I think. But it was easy, Bible, kingdom of God, Jesus. such an extraordinary privilege. And supporting that I am studying things that are helpful to deliver in such situations. Whatever competence I have is growing.

I only ever share or right what has already been helpful to me but I am becoming more helpful.

In no way denegrating or disrespecting this individual, in the few times that I encounter people that consider themselves Christian they have absolutely no idea what Jesus had to say..

The dearest friend of this mission just let me know that I will be picked up by this friend at the hospital tomorrow and driven up Lone Pine. Part of the consideration of this individual is that that will allow flexibility that public transit will not in case I need to get to a restroom facility or whatever. It will be so great to see this individual and such a great kindness.
In several separate instances the staff member here or there has said, sometimes to another staff member, oh, he will be your best patient tonight. I Revel in goodness and kindness. And I express my joy when I see it. And this staff, this hospital is as good as there is in the world. And their kindness is huge. The other day a headline  caught my eye that if patients in Europe treated their medical staff the way Americans treat their medical staff that it would destroy the European medical system. I suspect that's true. We are so blind.

Hell to pay there will be for our substitution of pets for people.....

It is a daily joy for me to coach butterflies out of the road, beetles out of the way, protect lines of ants from the unaware, step over plants in the sand....

But as a society we cheat, we are cowards, lavishing all our 'goodness' on pets, strays, whatever when millions of children need our help.

Because fighting for animal rights is pretty cheap personally, we do that, while human rights are really now near completely demolished. 

Now, it is Hell to pay.  The piper will be paid.

Morphine, for the Throat!

Stomach activity is possibly a good sign.  Little pain there in 18 hrs.  3 hour test yesterday: contrast pumped into stomach, xrays every 15 min to watch flow.  The xray tech, great guy, didn’t seem to see much flow, not a good sign.

The very nice and good doc in lone pine said, yep, about 4 years after surgery is when these adhesions, scar tissue spreading and kinking the bowel, about 4 yrs is when this STARTS to appear.  Hmmmmmmm.

Sleep almost nonstop - pain management, sickness, fatigue from my way of life.

One couldn’t be receiving better care anywhere. Kind, competent, excellent facility.

NG tube is agony.

I expect to see the docs this morning for a progress update and treatment outlook.

I’m guessing that the chopper transport vs road, and hospitalization suggest the life threatening nature of this condition.  But being in there care, there is little risk.

I'll be inquiring of the staff if I can self treat in future incidents somehow.  All this cost to society is barely justifiable for me.  But as long as I can be productive in my work I will consider it. 

Unable to voicetype due to high pain in throat, but have the laptop.

Guessing they will begin soft foods today, but have to wait to hear from docs.


Brief update. Severe throat pain from tube.

Little strength except to sleep or doze. Excellent care. Tube is an attempt to keep all pressure from the stomach off the intestine so that the intestine can relax and clear the blockage. Surgery is always an option but it creates major complications. Wait and see.