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My friend asked about my jaw, my current mission....

I find it incredible blessing to have this potential opportunity to help this little family, and maybe a larger Community too. It seems an extraordinary fit to me on many levels but I don't know if it'll last till this evening or till the rest of my days. I take it one hour at a time. Hopefully I'll not lose track of that. My bags are packed

Neurotypicals or neurotoxics? Part of a brief dialogue with the parent on Whose property I'm quarantining.


J. This was rolling around in my mind this morning....I'm wondering to what degree there is a tendency among autistics toward some combination of the following. They actually refuse to not understand the real, concrete, world. They have to figure it out for themselves. Or how do they know it's real? They have to feel it and touch it in their own terms. Do they live the question 'why' more than the mass population? Are they Rebels in a healthy sense, they'll do something because they understand it's true, not because someone said so? I think this has very much been, and remains, my world. I have to be on the Spectrum


Log. The two-week quarantine is approaching the halfway mark.

The two-week quarantine is approaching the halfway point approximately. Here in the garage. My choice. The safest place and it's fine with me. Hey, I Did Standing Rock North Dakota from Thanksgiving through mid-February and the arrest.

More sleep has been required than I would have hoped, I think as a result of both


Brief dialogue with a good Soul this morning. The only task before us...

It seems to me that I know very very few serious Souls. One that I know, on their website, posted a very moving video, set to the poem of a very moving poet that I was very fond of in my youth. 
Written 70 years ago or so I'll guess about how it isn't too late, there is time, for us to reshape our relationship to Mother Nature before she exterminates us. With hesitation I put put some countrary comment warmly inviting the individual to remove the comments because they were so opposed to the sentiment. But I felt I owed it to


James is here. Two-week quarantine. Update log.

So up until 1100 miles ago, 35 days, the plan was that when the 16 months, nearly 13,000 mile, mission to travel through most of the Devided States was completed, Kansas was number 45, absolutely to head down to warm weather to rest, recuperate, replan, refigure... the wonderful decision was made, not so much, we're going to go to Central Michigan and help that friend, or at least try to, to raise those two wonderful special needs children.

That arrival was almost three or four da


Who knew? Cycling is something best done by the thighs

Voice logs today and yesterday.

E-bike 24 hours a day in the cold.

 Roughly one week's worth of experience this now and fairly encouraging.

About 3000 watts of electrical energy are being applied each day. Roughly 1,000 Watts from the short solar days low on the horizon, which means 2000 Watts out of and through the batteries.

The batteries are in a soft sided thermal cooler of decent quality. 8 days worth of cycling has them at about 80° in this sealed soft-sided cooler. That surprised me. But there it is. A red cooler.

Last evening at 9 it was 36 degrees outside, quickly dropping 230 and below all night. This morning inside that cooler it was 40°. Safe for the batteries. Had I flipped on the $30 Walmart heating pad that snake through the batteries probably it would have been 60 degrees not 40 degrees inside this morning. Had I flipped it on for only a couple of hours. Or, had I filled the two hot water bottles with very hot water it would have been probably 70°.

Also, Oh my goodness a 15 or 20 mile-an-hour Tailwind reduces energy requirement by 50% and a headwind increases it by 50%.


James, instead of fighting for Humanity you're fighting for just two or three? You f****** hypocrite.


Much of the last two decades James has been scathing of those sitting on the sidelines instead of attempting to rescue humanity and decency. Scathing. Incendiary. And now in the final moments when the world's greatest criminal could be removed from office James has nothing to do with it and is racing to attempt to help one heroic soul in the work of raising to needy children. F****** hypocrite.

Except as for the last year or so James has admitted that his entire life he was wrong, the human species be on small tribes of 10,000 years ago was never able to be anything other than a cancer. This is history, and it is honest evaluation. Large groups cannot create the cultures that would create the majority of moral decent Humane people.


If I can make it through the pain.

30 years ago my Elite dentist said, James, you could be a case study at the University classes that I teach on Dentistry. I've never seen anyone that does such grinding.

And over recent years I've lost some of those teeth so now all that pressure is distributed over less area, concentrated on fewer teeth.

And my night grinding is now all concentrated, all of that Force, on a tooth in the lower left and it is being pressed down into the jaw deeply terribly bruising the tissue and causing new bone to try and form. It's extremely painful.

Everything I've tried so far is failing. Two different night guards are now performed today and will be tried tonight but I'm not optimistic. I think it would require a carefully formed professionally done mouth guard to transfer some of the pressure to the gaps between my teeth and that requires being in one spot while the work gets done at a lab. And the earliest that would be possible would be Lansing about ten days or 15 days away.

I'm taking as little ibuprofen as possible, a third of what I would like, but well over what safe dosage probably calls for.

Autism, the reason I jump.


It is long since I've been so deeply moved, and that by only the introduction. Overwhelming.


A confession. Substance abuse, high-stress, fatigue, mouth pain, meditation.


A personal reflection really, but confession is more likely to get your attention.
For the last two or three months probably, after a long long long hard day in the last hour or so I have been having anywhere between three and five beers. I work online while I consume them and I experience them as a way to slow down and unwind. Not Recreation.
Now that cold weather has forced me to stay in one place for the first one of 4 days, my body is physically shutting down, paralyzed with fatigue. This is a cycle that I should know and recognize but it disguises itself from me mercifully until I have the opportunity to stop and slow down.

For the last month on and off I have severe mouth pain and I think finally last night it came clear as it did once before that it is a matter of extreme grinding at night on a mouthguard what is bruising the jaw on my lower left side, severely.
What's the connection of all this? I'm thinking that the substance, the beer, enabled me to unconstructive Lee deal with the huge stress that I put myself under but not as constructively as maybe meditation could do. And I intend to begin seriously experimenting with that starting now.
So beginning two nights ago I have dispensed with the beer and beginning today I will attempt to reinstitute and redevelop my meditation skills at least several times a day and I wonder if that might help a little bit with reducing my nighttime grinding.

Have I been hugely self abusing and the alcohol has helped me do that? I think so.


Apparently I'm not supposed to die yet, mission is not supposed to end yet. Why do I say this....?


Apparently I'm not supposed to die yet, mission is not supposed to end yet. Why do I say this.... , because by every right it should have ended early yesterday evening. I did everything possible to destroy Sol and myself in the process. Oh I'm doing my best, but the degree of difficulty is extraordinarily high. Not knowing if and when the severe pain in my mouth will shut me down I've doubled my mileage each day trying to get to Lansing my destination. It's very cold. So stopping to run the generator is not a desirable thing. So very carefully, very carefully, very carefully, I thought, I decided to run the generator while I was traveling with the back gate propped open about 7 in so the exhaust to go out. It was a very long day, about a marathon and a qtr worth of human energy. Probably 9 hours of travel. So yes very carefully, except I turned it the wrong way so that the very hot exhaust was exactly on the stack of plastic boxes and it turns out a brand new lithium-ion battery sitting there awaiting the power cord that the ebike place forgot to send me. After half an hour I begin to smell something but I thought that can't be me. Finally the generator stopped because it had overheated itself. Plastic boxes and one end of the new battery that by rights should have exploded , were totally melted, a melted Mass. I slept all night in those fumes. I'm not feeling terribly well right now. But under the circumstances the entire vehicle should have been destroyed with that battery blowing up, and my laptop should have been destroyed which was in one of the boxes, and the generator, and the inverter. But as it stands everything's working except for the battery, and maybe even that, but I've got to find a totally open non-flammable field where I can test the battery in case it blows up. And maybe my lungs. Time will tell.


Mayday? Are James and Saul in serious trouble? Don't know. Putting it out there.


Are James and Saul in serious trouble? Don't know. Putting it out there.

What if this pain in James jaw becomes debilitating? What happens to Sol?

James is not concerned with himself or Sol per se, but with whatever value in Sol that otherwise might get to the mom in Michigan heroically raising two special-needs kids, that otherwise would be the destination for the value of Sol?

The pain in the jaw on the left hand side is generalized. Can't tell where the hell it's coming from. It was a two on a scale of 1 to 10 several days ago and is now up in the 7 range. James is currently 800 miles from where that Mom is and where he's headed. 10 miles an hour is the maximum speed.

And the weather is turning extremely adverse.

He has been doing 50 miles a day. Personally providing about a marathons worth of energy per day. Tomorrow he's likely to begin to try and double that, not the personal expenditure but figuring out how to recharge the batteries multiple times during the day.

Maybe the pain will go away. But 600mg of ibuprofen is barely touching it these last three hours. What if he becomes debilitated?

But he figures the closer he gets to Lansing the better the chances that someone could retrieve the vehicle. It is so vulnerable.


This may be my great, and sobering rediscovery. The likelihood


This may be my great, and sobering rediscovery.
The likelihood... of a population being made up of mostly great artists, Rembrandts, Monets, is the same likelihood of a population of mostly really good people, Nil.
It may be that we are all born with the potential to be great artists but it takes such a rare extraordinary set of circumstances and environmental factors to bring that out that it's one in a million.
And so it is with the moral geniuses. I think we're all born to be that but only in an environment that optimizes it and that has always been and will always be extremely unlikely for we humans to provide to each other.
Our free will, our consciousness, our ability to understand ourselves as individuals, is our downfall. Eagles cannot decide not to be great fliers. They don't have that choice. We have the choice to decide not to be great human beings, great to each other. Unlike Eagles  we have the choice  to turn away from  being great and instead to be small and selfish. And we almost invariably cannot resist that choice.
And above I say this may be my great rediscovery. I think it was first discovered by Jesus. The gate is narrow and few will enter in. He did not understand that at the beginning but by the end it was clear to him.
 So we've been doomed to live beautiful small lives from the beginning with rare exceptions, and to exterminate ourselves as a species as we're now in the final stages of doing.

But there is still the rare soul it might be Unleashed we're protected from extermination, and that remains our work


Mission failure, in 2020.

46 States will not be achieved in 2020. 8 days additional would be required to achieve that by going up to North Dakota and it's just too late in the year to do that.

So, Creator willing, it's 20/20 it will only be 45 states with Kansas being number 45. Then depending upon whether James expect either to head West back to Lone Pine Whitney for several months to regroup, or more quickly South to Southern New Mexico to regroup.

Uncertain what comes next.

Not sure what this elderly farmer like. Video log.



Punishing pace

 Not complaining. James body is performing very well, Sol is performing very well, the weather is cooperating. But everything here is 50 miles apart in terms of reasonable stopping places and 40 miles a day is about the maximum of what this old body likes to do. We're tired, and sore. A marathon consumes 2400 calories as I understand it.

.... The Blue Wall Of Silence - Talking Points Memo ( ) Shared from @Voice Aloud Reader Android app -