It has been weeks since I have felt well physically. The intestine shortened by 1/3 to remove cancer is less and less manageable and rarely feels healthy. It occurs to me that cancer may be coming back.
Knocked out. My strength and stamina are so much better than they were several years ago. I couldn't believe that, as the doctors said, eventually my body would recover, but it seems to have done so. It still ...
### Knocked out. My strength and stamina are so much better than they were several years ago. I couldn't believe that, as the doctors said, eventually my body would recover, but it seems to have done so. It still has limits and it looks like three or four days in a row all day in near hundred degree effective heat pedaling a 200 pound bicycle plus me is one such limit. 15 plus hours sleeping so far today in a cool room. I can't complain but I sure detest losing the time from work.
don't tell. I'm supposed to be resting, but this is the last day before everyone leaves Washington DC on their holidays. So here I am at Farragut square on lobbyist K Street.
Medical update: really good news. As I reported earlier I'm scheduled for cataract surgery on the 17th of this month, a 30 minute outpatient procedure. But the scheduling was tentative because the cataract that the opthamologist could see in my left eye was not large enough, with any certainty, to explain all of the vision loss. Hence, she was concerned that retinal damage might be much of the issue and that cataract surgery would be of insufficient help.
I have just concluded a visit to the retina specialist to whom she referred me. He seems very competent. and he seemed very sure that my retina is barely compromised at all for someone my age and does not explain the vision loss, and therefore he is very optimistic that the cataract surgery will give me very functional, near excellent, vision for as many years as the rest of my body holds together.
This is a far more optimistic outlook than I felt I had about a month ago.
Medical update, onset of blindness: I think that my specialist today...
... is less concerned than the last week specialist as to macular degeneration. Yet, she, today, can not yet explain why my eyesight has degenerated so rapidly in only a month. The cataract in my left eye is large enough to explain some of it but it does not neatly explain all of it. Yet, we have tentatively scheduled cataract surgery for mid December. But before firming that up she wants me evaluated by a retinal specialist. That is scheduled for the last day in November now.
It is unlikely, based on review of today's specialist, the most senior that I have yet seen I believe, it is unlikely that this is a situation that can not be arrested. The specialist last week seemed quite concerned about macular degeneration. Depending upon the type that is something that can accelerate with little ability to stop it. Today's specialist suggests that it is not as advanced as I was understanding.
But again, the rate of deterioration is something that today's specialist cannot explain based on what she is seeing so far. So November 30th hopefully we will learn more.
I am quite distressed that I lose one or two days per week to bed rest finding that my heart mind spirit and body are crushed by my dawn to bedtime digestion and republication of the news from Palestine out in public Washington DC venues. Although......
I am quite distressed that I lose one or two days per week to bed rest finding that my heart mind spirit and body are crushed by my dawn to bedtime digestion and republication of the news from Palestine out in public Washington DC venues. Although I have a comfortable seat whether I'm in front of the Washington Post, New York Times, Center for American Progress... etc, apparently I am carrying severe emotional stress and weight that I'm not aware of. I am hoping that by introducing several periods of meditation per day I can reduce the time required for bed rest. If I had my way I would require no sleep at all and simply spend every second of my life fighting to free Palestine. I am not complaining. Depending upon what I learn on Tuesday I may have something to complain about. If it is the wet kind of macular degeneration robbing my eyesight then I might not have much eyesight at all for very long.
Medical update. Oh, I AM going blind....
... cataracts and macular degeneration in both eyes. Hmmmm. Left eye is worse. No, the doc says, this should NOT be advancing so fast.
Seeing a cataract specialist next week for eval for surgery.
Cancer update: brain scan revealed....
What my beloved father must always have known...
Full cat scan of the body revealed no cancer.
Blood tests reveal no cancer.
Brain scan reveals no cancer.
Neural opthamologist today says he too sees no problem to explain the rapid onset of apparent blindness in my left eye cept that the glasses that were created for me did not fulfill his prescription of two months ago. They did not adhere to the specification for my astigmatism. I returned to the glasses place with that information this afternoon and they said they would recreate the lenses for me over the next 2 or 3 weeks.
I think it had to do with this: my chosen way of being is to live the pain of the world, the second by second agony of Palestine, the infinite pain of all creation going forward on writhing planet in death pangs. I don't dwell on that pain. But I keep it at the center of my being at all times because it is the primary informing of what I must do. I think by all objective measures I manage that enormously well. But I keep myself on the edge at all seconds that I am awake.
nd. My oncologist has ordered a brain scan for me on Wednesday. There is concern about the rapid deterioration of my left eye.
As to the outlook for me personally: The major CAT scan including radioactive(?) dye occurred this past Monday and the review of results with my oncologist is scheduled for this coming Monday. My sense is that I will be back on the road spreading the gospel of citizen uprising for many many many many many months. Hence I am working to get all medical issues resolved including dental and other, and logistics such as redirected mail. I have had one dental appointment and another scheduled for several weeks out that could lead to another yet. Also, with up to 10 hours per day of traveling that I do I am scheduled to have an old orthopedic issue addressed the end of October. Whether I will delay my departure that long is not clear.
oh, and an odd, possibly serious, concern has arisen regarding my left eye. Only 2 months ago two different ophthalmologists evaluated my eyes and prescribed my first set of glasses. In just that short time my left eye has deteriorated to the point that one of the opthamologists says that it is no longer possible to give me clear far site. He is somewhat concerned that something may be going on neurologically or behind the eye. In several weeks there is an appointment scheduled to evaluate that situation.
Mercifully and miraculously the very tough staff of the shelter I have been staying in broke all rules several times and fully allowed me back after being away for 35 days. Also, the parking arrangements in front of a massive DC Municipal Building at night is also working out allowing me to sleep away from the vehicle.
While confined here in DC for reasons mentioned above I am situating the vehicle and myself in high traffic areas spreading the gospel among the zombies; yesterday and the day before at a park three blocks from the White House on K Street, the heart of lobbyists and nonprofit land. Today on Capitol Hill. Next week with Pope Francis drawing huge crowds to DC I will hope to situate in the midst of those crowds outside of Union Station. I will not know till then if security arrangements will make that impossible.
Strategically my sense is that I have been blind for years but now can see dimly. That is, now that I see what the problem is the absence of reverence for life, ( http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2015/09/day-35-reverence-for-life-is.html ) which may be essentially what is correctly meant by the Holy Spirit, I am equipped with a workable problem definition. Equipped with this problem definition it is possible I may learn to better fashion myself into some minuscule remedy which is all that I wish to be, which is the only interest I have in remaining in this prison we call 2015 life. One of the impacts of this vastly improved problem definition that I now have is the notion it has given me that when I am in the presence of another I am in the presence of one of two things that are almost always possible from that individual: I am in the presence of their zombie, evil, spirit... Or, highly unlikely, the presence of the Holy Spirit, their reverence for life with which I believe we are all born. My a tendency has been to confront the evil spirit, the spirit of death and destruction, and the evil and idiocy, and or the excuses, cowardice and diversions... that it invariably spews. But the new insight with which I am now equipped at times, and I think possibly will become a primary response from me, causes me to simply wait, yes, maybe for eternity, but to wait for the Holy Spirit return within the individual who is in front of me. Yes, I do think there is some minuscule hopefulness to doing so, an infinitely greater hopefulness than any other response I can think of. What hopefullnrss? The hopefulness encapsulated in this: nature abhors a vacuum. If I am now, after a lifetime, finally seeing the problem clearly, I think the hopefulness would be in then, with my current clarity which may well increase substantially with practice, to be a presence in someone else's life, even for a few seconds, someone who is in the spirit of evil, self-centeredness, selfishness, lust... that is inhabiting them, a presents that sees clearly and with conviction that this evil spirit is not their natural, true, only spirit.... That putting them in contact with, in the presence of, someone who sees this truth might well be the, the only, way that one person can provide another the chance of salvation, escape, from that evil spirit. -- Sent from Fast notepad