I'm almost always very upbeat, really. Yesterday, for a fleeting moment, the thought entered my mind, "Start, what if you knew that there was absolutely no hope, that your efforts are of absolutely zero hope, impact or positive value. What then? [because at the moment, I correctly realized that this may be true]"
My answer came immediately - "I'd keep doing what I'm doing. I don't want the existence of a parasite; I don't want what that feels like. I don't want to be evil. I don't want to live separated from the Love within me as a brother for all of Humanity born and to be born. Been there, done that.
I don't want a life of pleasure when I can have the Life of Joy that comes from Dying for a better world, one with with less suffering, and more Joy."