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Am I finding my "Unit?"

Gosh, for so many years (my entire adult life?) I've been yearning to find my Unit - fellow fighters in the War of Total Love I've been so crudely waging. For the last 5-15 years the metaphor so often comes to my mind - that I am a Resistance fighter in the French revolution but can't find the other Resistance fighters!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Several days ago I announced it was time for me to leave the house that Ellen and Thomas use as a base for the 25 year Peace Vigil. They knew it was just a matter of time. What happened next was utterly astonishing to me. Ellen and Thomas in extremely appropriate ways made it clear that they didn't want me to leave. Well, I've had others (not many) that didn't want me to leave, and that was wonderful. But it was because they loved me, they feared for me, they found my Quixotic antics entertaining, they found me not to threatening diversion for their altruistic tendencies, I was "family"....

But several days ago with Ellen, Thomas (and maybe even Connie) it was different. They deeply wanted me to stay because I was needed in their "Unit" (military usage) as an able fighter - to help them in their fight to bring Peace to this world.

Last night at the Dorothy Day Catholic Worker House I began to feel that they were seeing me as more than an outsider, but more like one of them, one of the "family," a fellow fighter for Humanity.

Yesterday afternoon I saw Mike Dorn and Eda from the Jonah House. They are definitely fighters and they lovingly embraced me as "family." Eda, like an angel said, "boy are you a sight for sore eyes."

Also in the verses that my Dave & Mary Rachel St. Joseph's Bible opened to this morning was, "Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come. But many that are first will be last, and the last will be first."

But how does Jesus mean this? MOST IMPORTANTLY He means that as we move from Selfishness/Lust/Damned to Otherishness/Love/Saved (see diagram; also PLEASE CLICK HERE) we rejoin the human body, THE ENTIRE HUMAN BODY - about 6 billion now! They all become your brother and sister in your heart. Heaven. BUT ALSO He meant that what is a real brother, someone in your fighting "Unit" was now possible, and maybe even likely. Am I finding my "Unit?" Is my "Unit" finding me?

Dellinger called this the "Invisible Church."

King called it the "Ecclesia."



There don't seem to be many mysteries left to me about what Jesus taught us. There used to be quite a few.

One of the remaining ones has been this notion of Ransom. I've been quite intrigued by it because it has seemed to resonate with what I've been called to do, but I've been unable to make sense of it. This morning it became clear.

Last night I went to the Dorothy Day Catholic Worker. At the Friday noon vigil in front of the White House with Pax Christi and the Dorothy Day and Jonah House Catholic workers it was announced that at 7:30 in the evening there would be a presentation/discussion regarding the Jewish Occupation of Palestine.

I went. It was wonderful and horrible - brilliantly done. What the Jews/Zionists/US Imperialists are visiting on the Palestinians is every bit as evil as the Holocaust, Darfur Genocide or African Apartheid. Consummate evil - Consummate Selfishness.

The presenters were two women that have returned from duty on the Christian Peace Maker teams in Palestine. Both were brilliant. One a middle aged professional American married to a Palestinian with a Palestinian son; the other a Catholic Sister for 40 years. The younger one did most of the 1 hour plus presentation. During her introduction she made a comment that the Perpetrators were not evil. I found this enormously disturbing and singularly dissonant with an otherwise amazing and helpful presentation.

At the end, during the Q&A I asked about this comment. I expressed my extreme respect for the value of their presentation. I went on to say that cancer is not malicious, it has no awareness - but it is consummate evil. In this sense at least the Perpetrators of terror on Palestine are the darkest Evil.

The middle aged woman explained that she had said that they were not evil because they can be redeemed. I agreed that they can be redeemed, saved from the evil. I remained extremely disturbed by her early comment however.

This morning I was at the 25 year vigil standing in for Thomas by 6am. After several hours of prayer I flipped open Dave and Mary Rachel's bible and it opened to Mark Chapter 10. "The son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life as the Ransom for many."

Well, with last night's Palestine presentation, the issue of Evil and this verse from Mark in my mind clarity came regarding "Ransom."

Last night I should better have said that the Persecutors of Palestine are "possessed" by evil, captive of evil - Lust/Selfishness/Greed/Mammon. I should have said that the only hope was to Ransom them from this Evil Captor with our own lives.

Wait, didn't Jesus do this so we wouldn't have to? Also in my reading this morning, Mark or Matthew I forget, Jesus spoke of how His Father was our Father, that we were His son. What Jesus did was show us how to Live. Jesus Ransomed our Spirit, Liberated/Freed the Spirit/Otherishness/Brotherhood of a few of us from Lust/Selfishness/Greed/Evil so we could repeat the process.

I don't know exactly how this Ransoming happens, but since this morning it is easy for me to conjure up examples. Steve Beko's Heroic Sacrifice in "Cry Freedom" Ransomed the Otherishness/Spirit of the Editor (Kevin Klein) and his bio-family. Jesus with his Crucifixion Ransomed the Apostles and hundreds or thousands of followers for maybe 100 years. (Nicea was the final nail in that coffin, with the Saints and a few others as exceptions.)

Think about these and other examples - you have them in your life. Think about which heroic acts of real or fictional characters in your life have melted your heart or that of others, melted away, if only for a moment any Selfishness - Freeing your Spirit/Soul. That is what Ransomed means.

It almost seems that the Soul is somehow either complicit or drugged the way that Ransoming seems to work; it seems this way because it is the Soul/Heart that Ransoming seems to touch. Or maybe it is that Ransoming seems to be a powerful narcotic or knock-0ut agent on the Flesh/Selfishness/Mammon, puts it to sleep, and what is left is an active Soul/Spirit/Otherishness/Heart. Tell me what you think!

Let us get on with it. Who are you going to try to Ransom? How?

For me? Darfur faux-activists, White House visitors, my Inner-Family, the Zionists, the Military Industrial Complex, Officer Mallot on March 21st, The Pentagon on March 17th, the White House on March 16th, etc, etc, etc.... I hope. Pray for me. Join me.

"Resume" ready for Heaven?

This is another way I try to find and stay on the Path, to find and follow our Father's Will. When I contemplate what to do now, or what is wanted from me, I imagine the course of action I plan and what our Father will have to say about it when I am interviewing to get into Heaven after my death. (No, I don't believe in Heaven, but I don't believe in math or maps or psychology either. None of them exist in nature. They all are man-made constructs - tools. But I find all of them instrumental - most of all the constructs given us by Jesus.)

Imagining this interview is always helpful in giving me a sense of His will.

By the way, He will NEVER ask any of us about our accomplishments. He alone is responsible of that happens or not. We will only be asked about what we "tried" to do or "NEGLECTED" to try to do.

The Bible: Every word true

Which translation?



Wealth? Whose kingdom?

Our Father's? Love/Understanding/Brotherhood/Compassion/Empathy/Joy/Service

Mamon's: Stuff, Superiority, Systems/Institutions

Your pockets are only so big. What of one currency you carry of one, all the less you will carry of the other. The truth of it is that you will carry one kind OR the other. Why? I'm not sure. But that is how it is. Think about it.

Live before the Judge and Jury

We are so conditioned to live in front of a jury, arent' we?!?! Boy, I am: what will my wife think, what will my boss think, what will my kids think, what will the neighbors think...? Right?


How many people are playing golf out of their imagination of Tiger Woods' system / way of attacking / way of conceptualizing golf? Millions? Probably having a better job with golf as a result - a better job of getting in the hole.

Jesus gave us the best way of getting Joy/Peace/Love/Life in our life and on the planet.

Jesus told us to live in front of our Father. Before I was able to do this at all (I'm now an intermediate level of competence) I was better able to live in front of the jury:

Jury component A. The father, mother, mother in law, boss, husband, neighbor... IN HEAVEN, NOT NOW. Yes be highly attuned to what they will think of your behavior - WHEN YOU AND THEY ARE IN HEAVEN BEFORE GOD, AFTER DEATH! Imagine THAT! What will they tell you THEN about what you are contemplating doing now? Remember, all will be known then (if there is a Heaven. Who cares? Imagine it anyway!) So, in perfect knowledge that they will have in Heaven, what will they have wanted you to do, NOW?????

Jury component B. Jesus, Gandhi, Dr. King (last few years of his life), Dietrich Bonhoeffer, David Dellinger, and other Heroes/Saints.

Jury component C. Your Darfur Family, Your Congo Family, Your 18,000 kids starving per year (1 every 5 seconds), your Haiti family, Your Palestine Family, your Iraq family, your US Soldiers..... These will all be in Heaven right? They will all have questions for us - what we did or didn't do, and why. Right?

The Judge: Our Father. He will ask us about our Palestine response no? Also, Darfur, those 18,000 kids dying per year, etc, etc. He will ask us. No?



Darfur Hunger Strike March 1st; Ascent Begun

Today I began the physical ascent toward hunger strike for Darfur - severly reduced calorie intake restricted to vegitables, fruit and nuts. The idea and mental ascent began yesterday. I remain in prayer over the idea and it may change and not go forth fully, but I suspect that it will.

As before, I experience it as a "call." It is not a coolly calculated move on my part. Yesterday the idea entered my mind entirely unbidden and unexpected. The idea was not unwelcome. :-)

I expect to continue at Thomas's working on construction for some more days. My "call" to place the completed construction under his work as a cornerstone remains unchanged.

In just the little time I've had to pray over this for clarity what has come to me includes:

* March 1st seems a strong anchor for the beginning of a campaign to end the Genocide in Darfur.

* My hope remains the students. My hope is slim and almost none. They are not the calibre of human being that we had in the 1960's and early 1970's. Profound selfishness. Almost no conception whatever of Otherishness. There are 2.5 months left with the students in school. They will be entirely worthless after that.

* HEROES: Heaven on Earth Requires Otherishness to Eliminate Selfishness.

* Hunger Strike: Hunger strike is of no earthly good. But the genocide is not happening for earthly reasons. It is happening for spiritual reasons. A hunger strike done out of pure brotherhood, a hunger strike waged as an act of Love, of Othershness can kindle the flame of Otherishness/Love/Brotherhood, can kindle the Spirit in others.

Gandhi - Give me a military man

"My non-violence does not admit of running away from danger and leaving dear ones unprotected. Between violence and cowardly flight, I can only prefer violence to cowardice. I can no more preach non-violence to a coward than I can tempt a blind man to enjoy healthy scenes. Non-violence is the summit of bravery. And in my own experience, I have had no difficulty in demonstrating to men trained in the school of violence the superiority of non-violence. As a coward, which I was for years, I harboured violence. I began to prize non-violence only when I began to shed cowardice.... A rabbit that runs away from the bull terrier is not particularly non-violent. The poor thing trembles at the sight of the terrier and runs for very life. (YI, 28-5-1924, p178), M.K. Gandhi.

It remains a fascination to me that military terms is how I so frequently conceive of the anti-violent war for humanity, the war of total brotherhood and Love that I have been crudely waging for much of my adult life.

I think there is extreme similarity between the best military men and the best soldiers of anti-violence (what in the case of Gandhi is horribly translated as non-violence.) The similarities include:
* Rise above selfishness to Otherishness;
* Live out of their imagination;
* Live out their vision;
* Give their life for others without hesitation;
* Love waging Life.

Gandhi was shown this by John Rustin's, "Unto This Last," one of the two books to spawn the heroic leader we all came to see.

I think that our central hope is to exhibit such personal courage and purposeful sacrifice that the few military men and women of courage see themselves in us and join the ranks of the anti-violent wagers of a Total War of Love.

I must try to remember that my only hope can be, and my entire focus must be to inspire those of courage. If and when there are enough of us waging Love together then, and only then will the involvement of the masses be other than a mortal distraction.

The most feared killer - cancer. Neglect by another name.

The most feared killer is not malevolent.

Cancer is the most feared killer. It has no malevolence.

Cancer is a "cell," a unit of life, that stops being totally, 100% responsible, 24/7 to all other cells in the body.

Neglect is the greatest killer on planet earth.

Every second you and I are cancer, neglect, that we do NOT:

"Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you," Jesus.

Is this a matter that can be disputed?


13 children / minute are starving to death. Now.

What will I say to them in Heaven?

What will you say to them in Heaven?

18000 children die every day of hunger, U.N. says -

JESUS LED US TOWARD SUFFERING. Less we'll do for "our family?"

I did.

But for the first time in my life I see the first part, above, clearly. Jesus led us toward suffering.

Jesus paid the ultimate price to lead us toward suffering in two ways:

FIRST: " you do unto the least of these...." Jesus did all within his power to focus our attention, focus all of our attention on the least of these, those who need us the most, those who can most be the reason our Life is important, Significant!

SECOND: "... if you lose your life you will gain your Life...." Life (capital "L") is the yellow part of these graphics. "life" (lower case "l") is the gray. PLEASE STUDY THIS LINK. CLICK. If you look closely, and imagine the implications of this link just mentioned you may begin to see clearly, as I finally am, that
JOY / Life (of the Spirit) is in the direction of Suffering; suffering from moving:
* AWAY from "Stuff" toward your SOUL;
* AWAY from "Superiority" toward SOLIDARITY/Brotherhood; and
* AWAY from today's "Systems / Institutions" toward SERVICE/Father's Will.

Suicide! Terrifying!

But Jesus died trying to to give us in return for "going through suffering" our Life:
* Our Soul (deep Love of True Self),
* Our Brothers, Solidarity, (reuniting with our entire human family!), and
* Service of Our Father (the process of being Life itself to others - Uniting with, and "being" a piece of the Creator, our Father). You know, Jesus tried to give us Heaven.

How much longer will we be willing to lead our children and "family" to Hell when we could be leading them to them Heaven?

I am going to try to lead you through Suffering to Heaven.


Finding our Father's Will

How is it done? Here is how I do it. Rarely if ever does this take less than 10 minutes per day; often much longer before I receive a "vision" that seems like His word. This is how I find, and walk the "Path," the "narrow gate:"

A. Do not say the "Our Father." PRAY the "Our Father!" Usually takes me 5 to 30 minutes at a time. Daily. Several times a day. Use your imagination!
1. "Our Father in Heaven"
2. "Hallowed be your name"
3. "Your Kingdom come"
4. "Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven...
5. "Give us [all] this day our daily bread."
6. "Forgive us our trespasses," 7. "As we forgive ...
8. "Lead us not into temptation," 9. "But deliv...

B. In your mind imagine, see a Father up above, looking down at us all and ask yourself, "what, Father, do you want me to do now? Which of your children, where in the world is suffering to such an extreme that it is causing You the most suffering? Do You want me to help them? How? If not them, who? How? When?" IMAGINE THE ANSWERS.

C. IMAGINE where our Father is looking. Like every healthy father He is looking to the parts of his Family that are in the most extreme pain - "the least of these my family." In your IMAGINATION, ask THEM, "what do you want me do for you, now?" "Do unto others ALL that you would have them do unto you."

Never have I heard "words" or "voices." But when I do the work outlined above I do get a sense, an extremely hazy vision of what He wants, or, if He is simply a product of my imagination as I believe, what He would want if He really exists.

Note: We do this all the time don't we, use our imagination to get things we [mistakenly] think we want? I wonder what my husband wants for his birthday? I wonder how the boss want's this report to be layed out. I wonder what our clients will be buying the most of this spring. I wonder how late I can stay out before my parents ground me.... USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

LIVE OUT OF YOUR IMAGINATION FOR GOOD, FOR OTHERISHNESS. Otherwise, you will continue to be a slave to your body, a slave to SELFISHNESS; you will be a slave to the imagination of others. You will lead your children and Inner Family to be slaves to SELFISHNESS.

Develop your vision of what He wants, and Live by it. It's Heaven.

For HEROES. New blog contemplated



Dear IFam, I'm back thru the rabbit hole after 35 years

That's the best I can describe it, and problematically, the analogy that has come to me, that of the rabbit hole - I've never read "Alice in Wonderland!" So the analogy my be terrible! But I think not.

My understanding is that Alice traveled between two realms and as we traveled with her into "Wonderland" we could experience how profoundly, and utterly disorienting it was; like the most aggressive of amusement park rides. Well, that is how it feels for me.

I've returned "Home" after 35 years, to our Father's Kingdom, our birthright, the place we are all born to... and leave, needlessly, horrifically. At best, it must look to you like I have gone into Alice's "Wonderland," of a sort. At worst... I can't imagine how it looks to you, or what your fears and hurts might be. But I try to imagine what it is like for you; and I ache and quake at the thoughts.

My first time through the rabbit hole was abandonment of "saving the world," for the pursuit of sex/marriage and the "real" world, making the woman I was married to and my "family" pleased and proud, pursuing the American "way of life." I remember "Business School" at Syracuse University. It felt like Hell. The value was money/stock holder wealth/profit/safety/security/career advancement.... My body literally hurts at the recollection of it. But tragically, rather than recoil, I found what I thought was "courage" and "responsibility" and plunged onward, contorting and crippling my Soul to fit through that inhumanly small rabbit hole.

I spent the next 35 years pretty much, in a world that seemed as absurd and inhuman as "Wonderland" did to Alice.

Well, now I'm back Home, but it's been 35 years.

No one was Home when I left, except for my bio-father, and when I had the sense to find him, the Father of us all. I suppose that is a major reason that I left in the first place - it was so lonely! Trouble is, living away from Home was infinitely more lonely - a world of zombies and no Father!!!!!!!

Well, now that I am back practically no one is Home. But I say practically. It is sort of like a huge Home that has become a field hospital. With the occasional exception of Thomas (who is usually quite ill) and a few others the occupants of Home are so "ill." [Jay, all this "illness" talk, this is pretty offensive! Well, it is like Dave Dellinger said,

"...decent people ... have been conditioned by a sick society into playing anti-social roles, the basic inhumanity of which they do not understand."

"This is a diseased world in which it is impossible for anyone to be fully human. One way or another, everyone who lives in the modern world is sick or maladjusted. Slick businessmen and bosses, parasitical coupon clippers, socially blind lawyers, scientists, and clergymen are as much victims of "a world they never made" as are the rough and irresponsible elements of America's great slums."

"The only way we can begin to break the vicious circle of blindness, hatred, and inequality is to combine an uncompromising war upon evil institutions with an unending kindness and love of every individual-including the individuals who defend existing institutions."

Isn't this what Jesus told us, with all the shit-from-the-ages-that-the-Church-has-piled-on washed off? Isn't this what the "Fall" is ALL ABOUT?!?! Well, back to my points.] Who are these occupants I am encountering? Some are homeless (lowercase "H"), most are materially poor [what do you do if you can't afford a middle class lifestyle for ALL of your kids? :-) Well, I abandoned most of mine, in favor of two. Some of these folks are doing better, abandoning fewer than I did.] They are outcasts of society. THEY EXIST OUTSIDE OF SOCIETY! Hmmmmmm. Like Jesus.

My point? It is not easy being back Home. Back through the Rabit Hole - absurd and profoundly disorienting. Scary. Daunting. I've forgotten the language; I have no idea where things are; if there are resources I don't know where they are; I don't know how to contribute well; it is like a Hospital ward with a bunch of walking wounded and no supplies, no help, NO TRAINING, and NO LEADERSHIP; I'm walking wounded although I've regained a lot of my Health. And, not only is the hospital filled with wounded, not only is the war raging around us, we are the "enemy," or, the "diseased," the masses of really sick people think! They want to lock us away; and they often do.

:-) Enough for now.

Love forever, your brother, jay