Am I doing more harm than good? Exceedingly harsh I am in my life and in my communication face-to-face. Marooned in Yucca Valley......

Am I doing more harm than good? Exceedingly harsh I am in my life and in my communication face-to-face. Marooned in Yucca Valley...... diagnosing electrical problems, waiting for parts, for nearly a week, this is an almost festive place. Almost an outpost I would say. Happy people. That's a mark of sickness. Who can be happy in such a suffering world except for a clinically sick individual? But within the sick individual might be the seeds of Health. Constantly out with the vehicle in the open doing repairs person after person drives up and in some form  asks incredibly thoughtless questions, is it electric? Etc. I'm growing. My primary horror is not at the stupidity, the thoughtlessness of the questions so much anymore. I'm growing. More and more I'm instinctively clear that the opportunity in front of me is not to be incensed at the stupidity of the questions. The opportunity in front of me, regardless of how small, is to try and jolt the dead hearts that can be happy and clueless in the face of such horror, to jolt them to life, to resurrect them to life. To resurrect them from the dead. It's possible I'm doing much more harm than good. But that is not my assessment. I believe that my understanding of how to resurrect hearts and my courage to do so despite personal isolation is increasing.

The work, the need, is to resurrect Souls, Hearts, from the dead. Jesus died exhorting us to this work. We couldn't, wouldn't, and don't see it even now. Especially now.

The work, the need, is to resurrect Souls, Hearts, from the dead. Jesus died exhorting us to this work. We couldn't, wouldn't, and don't see it even now. Especially now.

What makes the true revolutionary? The refusal to cower or surrender to the evil spirit destroying all creation. Embodying courageous loving, the spirit of creator

What makes the true revolutionary? The refusal to cower or surrender to the evil spirit destroying all creation. Embodying courageous loving, the spirit of creator.

The need, therefore the mission, therefore my mission, is to raise the living from the Dead.

The need, therefore the mission, therefore my mission, is to raise the living from the Dead.

Harsher and harsher is my demeanor and behavior. I'm not certain what it's all about. I think it's a reflection of the ever-increasing impending doom and no one giving a f***. It may be self-indulgent or it may be an ultimate Act of service, to show the harshness in my behavior while there is still time to act.

Harsher and harsher is my demeanor and behavior. I'm not certain what it's all about. I think it's a reflection of the ever-increasing impending doom and no one giving a f***. It may be self-indulgent or it may be an ultimate Act of service, to show the harshness in my behavior while there is still time to act.

Without a mission I am Paralyzed by the horror in this world. With a mission I cannot sit on the sidelines.

Without a mission I am Paralyzed by the horror in this world. With a mission I cannot sit on the sidelines.

She throws up on you for the 8th time today, your beloved 2 year old daughter desperately ill with the flu. Do you yell at her yet? Do you cut off her food......

She throws up on you for the 8th time today, your beloved 2 year old daughter desperately ill with the flu. Do you yell at her yet? Do you cut off her food...... or threaten to end her housing because of her horrible Behavior? Of course not! You ache for her pain, care not how many times she throws up, only that you help her pain subside. And yet my sisters and brothers often draw my Fury and ire. The rich in their disgusting criminally selfish mansions. My sisters and brothers in their pickup trucks with their cursing at this vehicle and their hatred. The homeless, the poor, with their trash all over the place and their wretched appearance. All are terribly sick, victims of this diseased society, and yet too often they draw not my compassion and solidarity but my hatred. But what I've just written is a new Glimpse for me of the problem within me. And I'm glad of that. I'm learning a new way to see these horrible behaviors for what they are, sickness of this Society made manifest, needing my attempts, my best attempts, to be a cure.

“Radicalized capitalists are the terrorists,” Iron Eyes said in a Facebook post on Friday. “The unnatural outlier, the disease of all pursuits of life, liberty, happiness and spirit. Here they stand before God, criminalizing water protectors, privatizing water, preying on the impoverished, forcing a form of indentured servitude for capital exchange, committing genocide, and forcing people to kill each other for their own profits. Not in defense of land, water, people or even ‘country.’ We, sentient beings, are committing unforgivable murder on the innocent for their endless war machine, their death march.” article

http://hpr1.com/index.php/feature/news/radicalized-capitalists-are-the-terrorists

Problem: Our culture says the purpose of life is to get and use money. Our genes say create, nurture, protect life. Opposites.

Problem: Our culture says the purpose of life is to get and use money. Our genes say create, nurture, protect life. Opposites.

It seems that my allegiance is not even to my own life, but to that which is good. I certainly didn't see this coming.

It seems that my allegiance is not even to my own life, but to that which is good. I certainly didn't see this coming.

I wish it were as simple as caring about a ethnic, gender, national group. But it's not. We need to Foster really good Souls.

I wish it were as simple as caring about a ethnic, gender, national group. But it's not. We need to Foster really good Souls.

Few people chose War. They chose selfishness and the result was war. David Dellinger, From Yale to jail.

Few people chose War.
They chose selfishness and the result was war.
David Dellinger,
From Yale to jail.

How are we so stupid to believe that being kind and decent is only good for some reward in return, not joy in itself?

How are we so stupid to believe that being kind and decent is only good for some reward in return, not joy in itself?

Massive emergency repairs required. The trouble began last night and continued for many hours. Not a.....

Massive emergency repairs required. The trouble began last night and continued for many hours. Not a..... problem this time with this miraculous mechanical machine, but with the bio machine operating it. Recently I've mentioned how my meditation and prayer life have gone by the wayside for the demands of this mission for many many weeks or months now. Last night in a paid for $21 spot in a Fairground created a space I've not had for a long time, complete control of my time in the morning. I think that's what my nervous system sensed and said, f*** it man, you're going to give me some attention and some much-needed repair. If showered me with an anxiety storm that lasted for many hours. It took three or four hours of attempted meditation to get back in control of my mind. We attach all sorts of stigma to what I've just written, don't we? That's ridiculous. We are extremely complex organisms and when placed under dire demand we need work to maintain them. By 10:30 this morning, although disappointed that departing at 4:30 for strategic points didn't happen, I felt much stronger for all the work. An alternative explanation for the anxiety storm that raged in me for many hours is that in going to Triple doses of Imodium for control of my cancer related diarrhea may have a psychological side effect. I have not researched that. I have not gone to Triple doses likely but with 1/3 less colon than I was born with and being on the road all the time I have needed to go to Triple doses to try and get things under control. I don't know if that will work. And no longer having any medical support, no doctor, don't have access to the stronger medications that are available.

Brando refused the Oscar defending Native American Rights. Hero.

http://m.thevintagenews.com/2017/10/04/why-marlon-brando-refused-the-academy-award-for-his-performance-in-the-godfather/

If a water skier lets go the tow rope they almost immediately sink. The most dire needs of creation is my tow rope. Nothing less can keep me from drowning.

If a water skier lets go the tow rope they almost immediately sink. The most dire needs of creation is my tow rope. Nothing less can keep me from drowning.

To a friend. I feel the same way about myself, the tiniest tiniest Speck of nothing. But I'm unwilling to not do with that Speck of nothing everything I possibly can to create a better world.

To a friend. I feel the same way about myself, the tiniest tiniest Speck of nothing. But I'm unwilling to not do with that Speck of nothing everything I possibly can to create a better world.

Full effort is full success. Gandhi. Absolutely totally completely true. Full effort is the only thing we can control. And few of us try although most of us convince ourselves we have.

Full effort is full success. Gandhi. Absolutely totally completely true. Full effort is the only thing we can control. And few of us try although most of us convince ourselves we have.

Your life is not the major thing in influencing people. It is the only thing.

Your life is not the major thing in influencing people. It is the only thing.

Somehow the journey gets harder. I'm not complaining. I'm blessed to have this Mission. But it gets harder. The degree of difficulty does not go down, it just keeps going up. Land is so.....

Somehow the journey gets harder. I'm not complaining. I'm blessed to have this Mission. But it gets harder. The degree of difficulty does not go down, it just keeps going up. Land is so..... scarce here that stores like Starbucks close up there wall sockets. gas stations close up their wall sockets. fast food places close up their wall sockets. And in these days that have shorter sun and so many Hills it is not possible to go all day on just What the sun provide some of these days.  and with Berkeley being the possible exception, the rest stops and Walmart's where it was legal to stay for the night are no more. and with all this goes I'm much more acutely awareness that we don't care about people in this Society, we care about their money, and if they don't have it, and they don't spend it, they are unwelcome. and I'm physically tired. I am emotionally and spiritually tired. the time I would be devoting to my emotional health and connection to creation has gone by the wayside largely To the moment by moment demands of this mission. Again, no complaints. Just a status update. although no one in my network other than one surfaced any housing for me in this part of the country, through my efforts I have uncovered several down in Silicon Valley that if they hold will provide a landing place and a base of operations for Three or four days of this vehicle being legally visible.  as I am stretched to the breaking point I suspect that those in proximity to me have felt that stress and largely Departed. Those who have not, your friendship is a great blessing.