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JAMES' PERSONAL WRITINGS: SLOVING
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12.22.2020

Our society views physical abuse as a crime much more readily then psychological abuse. For James it's the reverse.

At least that's how my nervous system has always worked. I can take pain physically much more readily than I can take psychological pain.

I can think of so many times but at the moment an event in front of the White House, there was a recognized member of the activist Club, my disrespectful name for the Cadre, late at night, standing 6 in away from a secret service agent on duty, berating, screaming at this individual in their face.

I have a zero tolerance for abuse, of me, and more importantly of anyone else. 

10 years ago, Within moments I was across the wide Street putting myself in between the secret service agent and facing this individual and speaking very harshly but not destructively at the individual to draw the individuals abuse to me not the secret service agent.

My dad's heart was so pure but he had very volatile emotions and whether or not he intended it when he was upset everyone in the house wanted to shrivel up and die, and I remember at least one time when my mom was in horror and my dad towering over me, never a hint of physical violence or direct psychological violence, I put myself in front of my dad and I said, dad, do to me what you want, but mom is really in psychological agony.

Gigantic portions of my adulthood in business, and activism, as a biological dad... has been fulfilling this sacred Duty.

I hope I live by my words, and if I do not, with close to zero exceptions that I can think of throughout my adulthood, then I am deeply delusional. And I think I am not that.

James understands it that it is never ever ever ever ever ever ever his right to have expectations of another person in such a way that it would give him the slightest right to have displeasure with another individuals performance, and absolutely never never never never never to direct such displeasure at the individual in any way shape or form. No one has the job of living for James wishes except for one person, James. No one else on Earth. In contractual relationships, and business relationships, and personal relationships, in family relationships, there is no exception which James is aware of that permit him ever ever ever ever ever to have displeasure at another person's performance, or direct it at them. Not through blame, not through the show of emotions, not through passive aggressive....

And with every type of abuse which is so totally sanctioned in our society, with every type of abuse, number one James does not stand for it being  directed at others, but number two, for two reasons, he does not allow it to be directed at himself more than a few times. The second reason is that to abuse someone is to abuse oneself, and to enable abuse by someone regardless of whether it's recognized or intended, to allow oneself to be abused, is to abuse the abuser by enabling, and I'm not allowed to do that.

I am allowed to speak my concern several times. I am allowed to leave relationships temporarily or permanently. Personally, I have the right, I have the duty, to quickly terminate relationships  if other means of attempting to end abuse coming toward me ,  have  not succeeded or do not seem promising in the very short-term. Regardless of the personal price to me, I mean one such incident, rather than  receive a third brief instance of  vile verbal abuse  from the person in charge of the Washington peace house,  I gathered my things and left the house and lived on the streets of Washington DC for 2 years. And I serially do both when required, with great sadness.




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