Yes, my mood has lifted. The world to my eyes is an ocean of festering increasing evil but if I hold fast to the (water skiing) tow rope of trying to make things better I stay slightly above it, with some Joy, much peace, and am able to travel on. Rarely do I get distracted and lose my grip on the tow rope but sometimes it happens. Yesterday and the day before it happened, because of a severe distraction to do with potential safety of the vehicle and that it might actually be marooned where I was parked or substantially damaged if extracted. Pictures were posted of This Magnificent site along the river, far enough from the high-speed road that road noise was at a minimum and visibility of the cars was at a minimum. Right along this River it is very Rocky and some sand because of the spring flooding that obviously occurs. To get from the highway over to the river, only about a hundred yards, a third of the way there there is a Gully and it caught me by surprise tired in the evening as I traveled in and my mind's eye saw it as quite severe. In a split-second I decided to increase the speed of the vehicle down one side of the Gully and up the other on the basis that too little speed and it would get stuck and unable to climb the other side. It worked and shortly Camp was being set up over by the river. Wide awake I found myself in the middle of the night all of a sudden, and in my mind's eye the Gully was very deep, and I realized all of a sudden that 0 thought had been given to whether the vehicle could make it back out to the highway. And in my mind's eye the answer was very very possibly no. This raised serious issues about what to do, a tow truck could be called after walking several miles down into town. But that would be a significant expense and could the vehicle survive the strain of being towed? There is no place on the vehicle where a strap or rope can be attached without damaging the vehicle. Laying there among the tasks in my mind was how to rig such a thing temporarily and how to do such a thing more permanently in the future. And much thought was given to the fact that I just didn't think ahead. Very inflexible. I knew I wanted to get to that spot. I knew of no good options. But never would I have done so if I had taken just a moment more to realize that maybe the entire vehicle was being put at risk. It has been a long time since I've faced such a situation and my skills have gotten Rusty. I didn't stop to think of the consequences. I'm very grateful for that lesson. A little bit more sleep was gotten in spurts by me and then there was enough light many hours later to go out and inspect the Gully. It was not nearly as severe as my mind's eye had captured. Some risk but with a little care it was likely we could get out, and we did, without any apparent damage. Anyway, all of that distracted me from the tow rope and it need not have to the degree that it did. But it did. And hence the depression. Another lesson. In what seems like my more sane moments where it even occurs to me that sometime this fascist government May first torture and then kill me. Probably not but it's not out of the question. So far that doesn't distract me. It helps me remember I am a soul, I care about the soul, mine and that of others, and they can't damage that unless I let them. And that puts my body at peace and keeps me from depression.
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