***** Why am I so actually, physically, immobilized, paralyzed, these last 3 days? Why can't I move on with full support of the campaign Sanders, Spirit Sanders, Revolution Sanders? My body and soul are in such tormented limbo.
This is far from the first time I have gone through such total limbo. There have been periods throughout my life when I could not yet align my nervous system and its needs with the outside world. I lacked the clarity of vision and understanding. And my nature is such that I am physically unable to move forward without that clear unifying clarity as to what the world needs me to attempt, and with that Clarity I cannot be stopped, except by a bullet. I think we all have that needed, but few are as debilitated as I when I lack the clarity. This has been true since my earliest memories.
Because of this severe characteristic I have learned not to fight with this, but rather to submit to the process of regaining Clarity, understanding, purpose, mission , as I am doing now.
It is an unsettling time. It is somewhat frightening. I never know if I'll emerge on the other side. Though so far, I always have. It must be very frightening for the caterpillar to enter the Cocoon having no idea except that it is disintegrating into nothingness , no idea what is on the other side.
I think what my nervous system has known is wrong even with the Great Justice campaign Sanders, is that Justice for the 10%, and we Americans are the 10% , is not enough to live for. Is not enough to fight for. It is only for the 90%, or the bottom 10%, that life is worth fighting for.
I think my nervous system is facing that the American dream , heaven for me and mine, is death itself, is cancer, is killing everything, is Antichrist, is ungodly. No, I don't understand this in such intellectual terms but I use such intellectual terms to try and grasp what my nervous system is telling me which is much more Elemental.
When pressed very very hard Gandhi said that the force he was devoted to tapping into was, the love of a mother for her child. He did not say justice. He did not suggest that what the love of a mother equates to for her child is justice. That may be a piece, that may be a tiny piece, but it is not what the mother is concerned with. The mother wants a reduction of suffering for her child, and the increase in joy. Justice has some relationship to that but it is too distant. Justice does not equate to the love of a mother for her child, the force that I have worked to take over Within Me entirely for the joy of it, the reign of my heart over me, the reign of my soul over me.
My body has been able to go out into the miserable, Hellish, Godless, Loveless world we have created for the love of the least of these. It is telling me it is unable to do so for justice for we Americans, the world's 10%, which the man Sanders, good, Godly, righteous, just, honest is trying to lead us toward.
Nor is it even enough, so far, maybe this will change, to lead us away from the huge increase in the speed with which the future tidal Wave of suffering descends upon the world as it will with the election of anyone besides Sanders.
Does it know, is it trying to tell me, my nervous system, that the impending tidal wave of accelerated suffering is unavoidable? Unavoidable because the American Empire must and will end. Mother nature in the form of environmental cataclysm is authoring it. Not to belittle Sanders, he is a miracle, but Sanders is not leading us to disassemble American Empire.
I don't know how much longer my nervous system will be wrestling with all this. It has been having its way with me for days now or even longer. Frequently I have thought I was out of the paralysis, moving on, only to find moments later I was not. This is a very difficult juncture for me to get past. It is also a very necessary thing for me to work through, for all of us to work through.