The doc's guess as to the cause of the anemia is internal bleeding. I don't recall her going further in her speculation. Maybe she mentioned intestine. I'm guessing stomach. Decades ago I didn't know how to manage my stress levels sufficiently and, well, I know what ulcers feel like, at least, what some ulcers feel like, and a stress stomach. And that isn't what this feels like. But maybe I don't know what three, 40-50 day, water only within 15 months, induced ulcers of the stomach or intestine feel like. But my body is saying she is correct. Parts of the day things feel fine. Other times my stomach just aches, like someone punched it, or, like it was wounded, bleeding. It is not excruciating. It is disturbing, and distracting, and an unhappy experience. My work doesn't need this right now. And more and more, extreme fatigue, for now apparent reason.
Last 39 days without water there were periods of very large bowel movement, but without taking food. I thought, that's odd. The cells that accumulated from bleeding maybe?
Last night, my beloved colleague came by. Before the Death Fast began he had brought his sleeping bag, tarp, mat, and at times slept at the signs in front of the embassy where I am near 24/7. We can't communicate, I being among the millions that are walking dead now due to the no-charge dumping of future destroying, our homeland destroying, Bangladesh destroying carbon emissions waste. He seemed to understand, and respect that the dead and the living can't communicate.
He lives as a person should, out of his need, not his greed, out of his Love, not his Lust, with the exception of his smoking, killing himself; in a pretty radical life of voluntary service, thus far. I've never seen his like before. A God-send?
He seemed to understand that the only thing we walking dead from countless places like Bangladesh, Athabasca, Indigenous Alaska, Maldives... can see or hear, is facts, life and death Truths: the fact that folks that could resurrect us before it is too late are finally assembling to make a stand, or not. The fact that folks that could resurrect us before it is too late are still in the thinking and talking stage, or have shifted into the Loving stage - 40 ARE, or ARE by xyz date, putting and keeping our bodies, our lives, all that we are and have in the way, until the resurrection of you millions, and our 200 billion occurs, or not. Not 'maybe.' But unmistakably, 'failure is not an option,' John Q. . 'We know that you, our canaries in the coal mine where we all live, are just the first of us to go.' 40 that are irrevocably, unshakably committed to stand until the legislation is passed, and unmistakably, unquestionably implemented in such a way that it will not and cannot fail... that is all that we walking dead can see or hear; be it in a month, 3 months, 3 years.... Sorry, everything else is final death for us. You can understand. Can't you?
If I, Loving, as a Bangladeshi father, an Athabascan Father... see that, or hear and believe that the fact of those 40 has been achieved, even if not yet assembled, then I might be allowed to leave my state of death, this Death Fast, and become #41 alongside them. There are other ways besides mine now, the Death Fast, to 'die' for a cause, to joyfully give all, everything, totally, for a cause. 40 keeping their bodies physically in the way in waves of to death's door hunger strikes, rebuild, regroup, restart... until the evil is replaced with sanity, that too is a way of 'dying' for a cause, giving all, with Joy and Love. In the face of this insanity, by the way, they would not stay 40. If they really stood, they would become the 1000, the 1 million, the 1 billion.... And then the future of Humanity is resurrected from Plan A-rmageddon, status quo, business as usual.
Can my beloved colleague play a role in this? Could Neo? Could Luke? Yes, he's the one. Are there 40 in the world, INSHE warriors in waiting, in the US, or who will come to the US, in time, not already so sub-humanized by our toxic culture, that they could respond to his brilliant goodness, his example, his wisdom, his humanity, his knowledge, his heroic focus..., and to this greatest Hell every to face humanity? Probably not.
However, Necessity is the mother of all Miracles. "Example is not the major thing in influencing people. It is the only thing." (Schweitzer). Sometimes when we devote everything we are, every breath, even unto death, sometimes the Creator steps in beside us, and Miracles happen. All human progress has been thus. Miracles never happen without this, but with it? Sometimes.
Speaking of breathtaking goodness, you should have seen him last night. Breathtaking. As we were sitting there on the sidewalk an extraordinarily hostile, mean, large, drunk, expensively dressed mid-30ish, big white guy came by, towering over us, saw the 'till enough are seen dying for it, co2 won't stop' signs, and with disdain, threats, hostility, aggression... began spewing at us. That he would be physically violent too was far from out of the question. My friend, reflexively (I being dead already I couldn't speak or react), my friend: zero evidence of any fear; returned zero but Love, tough Love, brotherhood, intelligence, calm, peace, acceptance, forgiveness.... Gandhi would have glowed, beamed.
URGENT NEEDS:
1. URGENT. Someone needs to take 1 or both of my sleep mats to where there is a bathtub so they can see where the leeks are. I have a patch kit. These literally make my work survivable, including being my shade from the otherwise killing sun on the sidewalk, and my rest at night. This is quite dire. The new one, the leak is slow enough so far that I can use it; the orange one, worthless, until patched. If someone comes by to do this, to act, to follow thru, I can hear that, and make available to them what they need. Best, by far, is if first the orange can be fixed and returned to me - takes a day for the patch to dry and be tested; and then the black/greenish one. These, and all I have will be available for liquidation or use by the next INSHEs after I pass on, after I pass over.
2. URGENT: My work needs, the bodies in the way need, on the sidewalk in front of the Embassy, to have electricity. I'm in possession as of last week, finally, of a solar battery now; but so far, it seems that the solar panel I have, for 3 years now, is not working. The $319 solar battery is not returnable, it seems. After I pass on, this will remain, if we get it functioning now, an invaluable tool for the work of any INSHE warriors that emerge. The packaging is being held by my brothers at Firehook Bakery, 4th and D, so it could be sold on ebay easily. By Tuesday I expect to have the situation finally diagnosed, including the price of the absolutely lowest cost panel to do the job, if required. I'm in communication with a solar engineer that I think will help me find the cheapest, regardless of how rube-Goldberg. Probably between $100 and $350. If someone(s) wish to donate funds for this, I'll be able to hear that. The packaging could be kept for that too, and sold on ebay for 70% of the original price, after my passing, if no INSHE's emerge that need it. The funds can be placed in my hand, or arrangements can be made to place them in my PNC checking account, easily.
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