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JAMES' PERSONAL WRITINGS: SLOVING
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6.15.2010

Connie's "Freedman?"

I NEVER do anything for "effect."  NEVER.  My every attempt is
to BE the Truth of how a person should Live in the Word, in a
particular Situation.  I believe in the Power of the Truth, as
Gandhi did.  I try to Be that Truth, at all moments.

I finally chose to Be the Truth that Connie treating me like literally,
explicitly, a "nothing" is Wrong.  She doesn't singe me out -
she treats everyone that is helpful to her that way, but I'm
not responsible for what others do, just me, and it was Wrong
for me to accept such horrible treatment.

Yesterday, and today on the Hill, I totally re-oriented myself
from where I WANT to be, at the Vigil, to a Life away from the
Vigil.  I had ZERO expectation of Repair.  Ever.

Tonight I had the first time opportunity in 16 months to get to sleep at a
normal time.  Connie awoke me from my sleep, kindly, respectfully.
My sense is simply that she took some time to think a little, just
a little about me, and how she treats me.  In that alone she
treated me as other than a "nothing."  In the 5 min or so we spoke
outside the room I use, her demeanor remained INFINITELY more
thoughtful, more Human, than is usual for her, toward me.  For those
moments I was not a "nothing" to her.

Tomorrow morning at 6am instead of being on the Hill again, as
I Totally expected, I will be back at the Vigil, God willing.


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