"...unless you actively reach out to people walking by!" A particular concern was stated that I was not reaching out to the Save Darfur "protesters" that have been coming out for an hour once a week for an hour.
This was put to me recently by one of the people that have stepped up to support this campaign. It hurt deeply, the thought that all this effort and time has been wasted. It hurt deeply empathically, because I could see the frustration and hurt that this supporter feels after all this time and effort with nothing to show for it.
Out of love, respect and concern for this supporter and the views of this supporter I've spent many hours marching in prayer and contemplation over the above assertion. Doubtless I will continue to do so.
I find no opposition within myself to the assertion put forth, but I fully disagree with the idea and the notion that I would become more effective, not less, if I changed my approach. Much of my thinking follows:
* There are orders of magnitude difference between what I am doing and "being a walking sign" in any form. Yes to some, to most, to the vast majority I may be some sort of joke. But the Truth (the Almighty) is that out of love for my children I am on day 81, marching at great effort and pain, on a severely reduced calorie diet to drive my weight to skeleton level. It is such Truth, genuine-Lovebased-heroic-commitment upon which I have based all attempts in my adult life to spawn miracles; something at which I have experienced success, approaching matters with the same maniacal focus of my own role as I am now doing. "Truth crushed to earth will rise again," repeatedly asserted by Dr. King suggested a similar reliance on his part. I was looking for a different Gandhi quote than the following, one in which he speaks of paying with one's life for the Truth, but the following will do: "There are times when you have to obey a call which is the highest of all, i.e., the voice of conscience even though such obedience may cost many a bitter tear, and even more, separation from friends, from family, from the state to which you may belong, from all that you have held as dear as life itself. For this obedience is the law of our being." I pray many hours per day, every day to attempt this obedience.
* The Save Darfur bunch is the last place I would look for "supporters" of committed activism. Save Darfur has clearly established that they are a place to "buy" absolution from any real responsibility for the Genocide, purchased through monetary or token time contribution. They have repeatedly run from any chance to become a real, committed, necessarily sacrificial effort.
* The bunch that shows up at the Embassy, more so. It is sometimes all I can manage to avoid screaming as they laugh, joke, and talk about everything, EVERYTHING under the sun except Darfur, for the entire, THE ENTIRE HOUR. It defies comprehension. We have become sick in so many ways. There is one exception, and I will speak with her, but if she had the "readiness" that Bonhoeffer correctly speaks of below, she would have approached me with suggestions for involvement (as you have.)
* I have a moral obligation to the Save Darfur bunch (and to all my 6 billion brothers and sisters.) My job is to be a wakeup call. Now not our first wakeup call mind you. We've received tens of thousands in the four years of this genocide - a media avalanche. I must try to be the miracle of at the same time a laughably underfunded, understaffed "call" AND one that actually wakes someone, ANYONE up to the depths of their soul. This calls for a willingness to wait for the right recruit - one of great readiness and spiritual depth. (Bonhoeffer: "Action comes not from ideas, but from a readiness for action." He does not explain where that readiness comes from. He might never have figured it out. "Many are called but few are chosen," Jesus said. Maybe Jesus never figured it out. Me neither, yet.) It also calls for the most powerful possible behavior - purely "being" the pain, suffering, Love, and Commitment of a "real Darfur" father - in front of the Sudan Embassy - for an extremely, extremely long time. And yes, that probably will not be enough, either. Our Father calls us to be faithful, not successful.
* Regarding Save Darfur, or anyone that does not "hear" the "wake up" call and approach me the following comes to my mind. If we need desperately to launch a moon rocket, it matters not if I am swimming in trillions of gallons of automotive fuel, if all that will successfully fly the rocket is a paltry few gallons of rocket fuel that seem not to be available. Rocket fuel, or crash.
* I have all I can do to "be" that wakeup call. Maybe others will be called to attempt to do outreach to Save Darfur or others, beyond what has been done. For me to do so would be to cloud my role, dilute my "call" and extend beyond my mental and physical capacities that are receding more and more under the strain of these last 80 days, and this last 12 months.
Any and every supporter of this campaign must follow their own "small voice within" as I must follow mine, IF WE ARE TO HAVE ANY PRAYER OF SAVING DARFUR. We must fully rely on the Almighty. It IS for me to listen to all honest souls. But ultimately each of us must do as Gandhi said, "I will admit but one tyrant in my life; the still, small voice within." At the moment that your small voice says, "ENOUGH, Start is not undertaking a campaign I should further back," then at at that moment the voice must be obeyed! With my full Love, support and blessing from me!
Start Loving
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