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JAMES' PERSONAL WRITINGS: SLOVING
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9.22.2016

You know how we look with pity and horror at that a family member or friend or acquaintance or news item that has robbed their mother, their father, their brother, there friend, for their drug fix? Look around you. Look at your possessions. Look......

If the shoe does not fit, do not wear it: You know how we look with pity and horror at that a family member or friend or acquaintance or news item that has robbed their mother, their father, their brother, there friend, for their drug fix? Look around you. Look at your possessions. Look at today's receipts. Look at yesterday's receipts. Is there anything there that was not absolutely necessary for your basic survival and your basic ability to do emergency work to help the neediest on Earth? Yes? Then to that degree you are that addict. We are robbing our brothers and sisters and all future generations of all creation with every single penny that we spend on anything besides their emergency relief and possible salvation. That's the fact. That's the truth. Look in the mirror. We are that addict. Stop it. And if you stop it you may cause someone else to stop it. Stop it.

9.21.2016

My young brother who has stepped up as much or more than anyone in my life of activism in active.......

My young brother who has stepped up as much or more than anyone in my life of activism in active and material support of the mission said, James, I just spent $12 on a beer, you could have eaten on that for a whole day. My reply:  2 or 3 days, + bathroom privileges, plus hot water for tea that I make instead of buying coffee, plus 2 hours sitting and drawing AC into the elf batteries. I enjoy making every penny scream so that any Penny I don't need can go to my family that is much more in need. I know what it is to spend endless hours playing video games in a much earlier life. The reason we do that is because the game is engineered to totally occupy our minds at the highest challenge we can possibly reach. What I didn't know was that by seeking to make every microsecond of my life count to the maximum toward future Generations is much more engrossing than the most engrossing video game and of course, totally satisfying to the soul while every moment I was playing video games My Soul was in torment at my wasted life. I don't think this is just me. I think, no credit to me, I simply understand how our nervous system works so that I can use it to my advantage of maximal joy, and thereby to the maximum advantage of my neediest fellow-creatures.

Humans have lost my loyalty. Children still have it. Very young children. Very very young children. They are still human.... And.......

Humans have lost my loyalty. Children still have it. Very young children. Very very young children. They are still human.... And not blatant victims, blatant victims, the Native Americans, African Americans , all victims who still display a shred of human dignity worth defending, they have my loyalty and always will. We White, mutant, Christian European Americans over privileged have lost my loyalty. They, we, never would have had it had I not been so deceived. The white underclass that has always been grossly discriminated against in this country they have my loyalty.... and not the people yet Unborn, the people of future Generations they still have my loyalty.

9.20.2016

"The best gift you can ever give is the gift of self." Kathy Green

"The best gift you can ever give is the gift of self." Kathy Green

"Life is what happens when you are out trying to change the world." Monica Lovell

"Life is what happens when you are out trying to change the world."  Monica Lovell

###. My faithfullest friend: this girl from high school, that due to my near comatose alienation and self-absorption as a teen, I don't remember, reached out to me ye........

###.  My faithfullest friend: this girl from high school, that due to my near comatose alienation and self-absorption as a teen, I don't remember, reached out to me years ago and has been so dear, so kind, so faithful, so loving,  so constant, so unwavering. There, I jynxed it, I'll lose her tomorrow. What will be will be. I learned this about her yesterday: "My greatest giving experience (and growing) was when i worked in a home for the chronically brain damaged people. all ages. I was on the second to the worst floor (bars on the widows and doors-one flew over the cuckoos nest style--) - taking physical care of 12 patients. They were from 30 yrs old to 80 yrs old. I woke, washed, dressed, medicated, fed, amongst many other things in a long day. IT WAS THE MOST JOYFUL OF "JOBS" BECAUSE--NO ONE WAS ABLE TO SAY THANK YOU. They just needed me and I was blessed to be there. It was me learning about true giving and loving it. a HUGE gift from God to me! ( I was 18 yrs old.) xoxox" 

I replied: Totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally totally. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for sharing. In 2000 at the peak of my career, with several of masters degrees, the most joyful year of my life was as a guidance counselor in Chester Elementary, one of the ten largest, 10 neediest, 10 most failing elementary schools in the country, 1200 K thru 6th graders. I needed to figure out how to lift the entire School. It was a massive campus,  8 Acres 20 acres? Due to the wind and neglect of these children every morning the campus was literally covered with candy wrappers condoms glass shards.... . I saw my opportunity. I would arrive between 4 and 5 in the morning, every morning, and pick up everything on the campus so the staff and the students would arrive at a beautiful clean School and possibly feel the love behind my actions. There were days that I literally could not drive home 45 minutes after work  due to the exhaustion.  I would go  comatose sitting in my car for an hour asleep before I could move on. Without question the most joyful year of my life....  What you did was infinitely harder emotionally. I'm so glad for you but I don't know how you did it.

EFLIUS Day 18 ND. I'm overwhelmed with fatigue, overwhelmed with........

EFLIUS Day 18 ND.  I'm overwhelmed with fatigue, overwhelmed with all the demands, a sense of privilege at the mission I've been given, but also at the Divine support that people are providing. And at the horror we are unleashing on all of creation forever, if we don't turn the tide now. It is an honor to witness the contributions of support, it is a joy to see the life that their material support breathes into this mission. Thru stinging tears,  James

***** EFLIUS Day 18 ND. "You inspire others to do more. We can always do more. I so love you, brother!" I replied: What deeply touching and encouraging.........

"You inspire others to do more. We can always do more. I so love you, brother!"  I replied: What deeply touching and encouraging words. So very kind. You move me. I do what I do simply because it is where the joy is, serving from the soul in solidarity our neediest sisters and brothers. But it's also the only place that hope is, for any of us to find peace and joy in each moment of the attempt, and collectively as a species in all creation. If I understand anything it is simply that every healthy successful bit of tissue, in any plant or non-human creature,  any and every organ,  any and every individual member of a species,  does this from the instant of its creation until the instant it expires, Devotion to the neediest among it. Except for cancer, the form of existence that we westerners have embraced long ago and is now in the final stages of killing everything, unless one by one we learn to turn in a different direction. This is the entirety of what Gandhi intended when he said, be the change you wish to see in the world. We have no other responsibilities than this. And in exercising this responsibility, Breath by breath, one by one, we become a hope for the future. Each moment that we do not, we contribute to the now all but certain Doom of the future. James 

9.19.2016

EFLIUS ND: Leading Engineers are now donating their time to the mission. I think that the following is accurate, not too grandiose. The development of the Wright flyer, the......

EFLIUS ND: Leading Engineers are now donating their time to the mission. I think that the following is accurate, not too grandiose. The development of the Wright flyer, the original Wright Brothers plane was a major achievement. Also a major achievement was the early pioneers who used the technology. In this I am no expert but my sense is that early Flyers of the mail across the country were the epitome of such pioneers.

Relative to renewable energy travel on land this EFLIUS Voyage, first supported exclusively by me, everything I have,  including credit card line of credit, and now with material support from others, is very much that kind of pioneering.

In Washington DC a Bright Young retired dirt bike professional in a small bike chain took substantial political risk to convince his shop and Executives to invest themselves in enhancing this vehicle to my specifications beyond the standard content, making it much more versatile and robust for the unprecedented Journey for this vehicle.

2 days ago catastrophy struck, a critical part that enables the motor to move the vehicle went instantly and totally inoperable. Had it happened 20 miles earlier in the day it would have cost days and possibly many hundreds of dollars to rectify. It was a disaster, and a miracle. A miracle because it happened where it did, a very mountainous region, Wake Forest, with exactly the right Bike Shop in the country , expert in recumbent bikes, knowledgeable in electric bicycles, and with exactly the right owner with a terrific imagination, and heart, and passion for advancing the technology,  and mission. He and his staff member worked much of the afternoon at little to no charge to me looking at the vehicle from the perspective of the huge Journey it was about to undertake, with their extreme experience, and tweaking here and there to make the vehicle more ready,  and generously training me at the same time. I didn't ask, I didn't beg, I simply explained the mission and the need. And my commitment, and seriousness of purpose, and dignity of mission, are pretty self-evident. And their hearts took over from there. Same with the guy and his team in Washington DC.

As strong as the manufacturer of this vehicle is in terms of design that is how weak they are in terms of execution. It's just a sad fact and also often happens with engineering strong companies. Extremely competent and part of what is required, profoundly incompetent in other areas.

They are unable to hold onto good personnel and sadly that's been the case with this company year after year after year. In late spring their only senior support executive Departed the company. He is Far and Away deleting support engineer on this vehicle in the country and he has backed completely away from the business due to their management incompetence, so sad. The void is crushing. This morning he spent hours on the phone with me working through issues because I have become so expert and I'm pushing the technology so far into the future of where it belongs. And the commitment he sees in me inspires him to be substantially more committed than otherwise he would be. After the hours I asked for his address so I could send remuneration. He just laughed. Call me whenever you need help, he said.

James

9.17.2016

***** James, you are on your true path. People who meet you can feel it." My reply: With all due respect I will respectfully disagree because......

" James, you are on your true path. People who meet you can feel it."  My reply: With all due respect I will respectfully disagree because I think this is a profoundly important point. I think they are responding because I have taken A path, a path with my whole life. There are many if not infinite ways I could have done.  I think what they are responding to is seeing someone choose a path and March it with everything they are and everything they have. I know, and I'm explicit with people, I don't know what I'm doing. I don't expect this to make any difference at all. All I know is it's the best shot I can see and I will not sit on the sidelines. This is the best way I can see to put my body in the way of the harm to the Future and to keep it there, so I will do this with every breath until I can see a better way. This is what I think they are responding to. This is what I think every one of us should be doing. This is where the joy is. If there is any hope this is where it is. Selma was not the right bridge, on the right day, in the right way. Selma was people saying I ain't going to sit on the sidelines anymore, I'm going to get in the way of the harm, I ain't going to sit down till it gets better. This is what people saw. This is what woke them up. I may be wrong. I'm certain this is correct.

9.16.2016

The man Jesus who I Revere , said something like, if you devote your life to the neediest it will cost you everything, houses, Farms......

<3 The man Jesus who I Revere , said something like, if you devote your life to the neediest it will cost you everything, houses, Farms, husband, wife, children, but it will give you 100 fold in this lifetime. It is clear to me that this is true. It is clear to me what this means. Those fortunate enough to realize that the reason we're here is to help those who are neediest,  to try to help those in need,  yes, our sick cultures exact every price from these people that they can to discourage them, but none the less it results in encountering others whose heart is doing the same,  and in my experience and knowledge and study, next to the joy of Simply attempting to help the neediest, it results in encountering those whose hearts are causing them to attempt the same and is the greatest privilege and joy, the only real encounter with the Divine, available to we humans.

Barring any unforeseen disasters the financial investments that will be made between now and Tuesday should suffice to......

Barring any unforeseen disasters the financial investments that will be made between now and Tuesday should suffice to make the vehicle as able as it can be for the massive and quite dangerous journey ahead that I expect to be to North Dakota. Every little Penny now is a huge factor in terms of safety and ability for the mission. I am extraordinarily humbled by the support.

9.15.2016

EFLIUS Day 13: only 61 miles today but all morning was spent switching to the new plan so, not too bad. Tomorrow needs to be about a 90-mile day. For the first 13 days I was almost entirely off-grid. That's unlikely to happen in the future. The......

EFLIUS Day 13: only 61 miles today but all morning was spent switching to the new plan so, not too bad. Tomorrow needs to be about a 90-mile day. For the first 13 days I was almost entirely off-grid. That's unlikely to happen in the future. The primary reason is I'm now traveling for Speed, LOL, speed and distance. I need to be doing about 80 miles a day rather than 45. Only on the most extremely sunny, non hazy day, without significant climbing, and without trees to obstruct the sun, will that happen again. But on many days I'll be getting roughly half of my electricity from the Sun which will dramatically shortened the 2 times a day I'll need to plug in. So by and large I'll be half on the grid and half off. A number of people made Financial contributions to the mission today, one was breathtakingly large. I've gone deep into debt to get this far in the mission and that contribution will substantially help me climb toward sunlight. I'll be Reeling for many days to come and the mission was hugely strengthened. A fellow set up a go fund me site for the mission. In 12 years of similarly devoted activism I have never had that kind of help. I'm deeply touched,  greatly humbled. The mission is greatly helped. This morning at a Wawa which I never went into, I was trying to collect my thoughts on the new trajectory for the mission, North Dakota, accelerating the visit to Organic Transit for repairs, to this Saturday I hoped, and other planning had me just sitting at the convenience store outside pondering. Oh, did I mention major repairs I needed to do to the vehicle? A Jovial mid fifties white lady came over and if she is not, or was not, Nun, she certainly is the epitome of what that brings to mind. Extremely friendly. Extremely interested in the vehicle and its solar aspects, extremely interested in free Palestine, extremely interested in the message on the religion of loving. She asked me what I was doing and I told her a ridiculous Hail Mary pass to try and Spark some life in the country to stand up for our children's future. She asked how would anyone do that? I said, the only way I've ever seen it done, is to stoke the fire in oneself by redirecting one's attention from oneself to those who really need help, rekindling the fire that Gandhi counted on, the love of the mother or her child but for all children. And that by doing so in oneself and stoking the fire white hot sometimes it caused the fire to rekindle in others. I wasn't guessing that would mesh with her religious beliefs. She uttered some words not mystically but honestly that I didn't understand. I take them to be Indian words. She dug in both pockets and handed me all the contents of bills and change. Spoke very warmly to me and departed. There have been half a dozen at least meaningful encounters today in the largely impoverished areas that I've been traveling through. This continues to be my experience that where people are not plagued with the addiction of over privilege there is room among some of them for the spirit to live., many little flames encountered and encouraged today. As this post is written the author is sitting on a curb Stone having finished two cans of cold corn and a cold can of chicken noodle soup given me by a student at William and Mary. my planning and process is infantile as it relates to structuring days where I travel 80 or 90 miles per day. Seems trivial except the need to fuel this vehicle now from the grid while I'm traveling on largely back roads with no services adds some complexity and risk. I arrived at this location with probably only 5 miles of electricity to spare. in another three miles I know that there is a large truck stop. This is a much less prosperous convenience store and non-branded gas station. as I gain experience and courage I'll always follow my inclination to favor the less prosperous non corporate with what limited funds I can. And sometimes no funds at all if I think that's the best spiritual service. And that may be the case tonight. I walked into the store empty of customers and the Young Middle Eastern man at the counter, I explained that I saw a plug outside and hoped I would be allowed to plug in for several hours. a bit to my surprise he went right into risk management, I'm not sure my boss would allow it, can I bring the batteries inside and plug them in, we don't do that. I simply allowed my disappointment and Mild disgust to show. my mind immediately went to plan b, the place 3 miles down the road. As I was getting in the vehicle a voice got my attention. It was the young man. Where is the receptacle that you were talking about? I pointed to the receptacle 10 feet adjacent to the vehicle on the wall. He said, if it works, you're welcome to use it. He had simply had a change of heart. that's what it's about isn't it? Giving people an opportunity and inspiration for a change of heart? By first changing our own? I immediately directed his attention to the free Palestine signage which he had not seen. He asked me how America was going to stop Israel. How Americans were going to stop Israel. I said, we are not. But I can't control that. I can control me. I will not sit by and watch this unfold without trying to get in the way. This is my attempt. when he wasn't helping customers he's come out several times since. He said, come in for water or whatever you want. One time he came out and I was speaking to a customer of his,  a farmer white guy my age, and telling him that I was going to fail but I was not going to fail to try. The young shopkeeper jumped in and said, this man is a hero, To his customer. A new and very generous benefactor to the mission today said, I know you have to go through with this, but when you're done, I hope you take care of yourself. This is so understandable. But to understand myself, and for anyone to understand me, they need to understand that I experience the people of Palestine as intimately as some people might experience their own leg, or their skin, or their arms,  or their very own face. I experience all of the creatures whose habitats we are destroying totally and forever including all humans, as my own arms or legs or torso. I am exactly taking care of myself.

9.13.2016

Elf cycling. Which developments last several days. Oops, back of thighs, pressing against lower back

This is amazing to me. Huge strides in effectively handling this vehicle. Just now. Last few days. 1. Attempting to press,  relax, lower back into lower seat every second. 2. This creates a sense of elongation, an opportunity to stretch the leg toward the arch.

3. Ball of foot on the pedals. 4. Launching the leg stretch deliberately firing. 5. Using the hamstrings glutes.

This all seems 2 give a 10 or 20%, 10 or 20 increase in human Watt hours at a similar or greater relaxation. very amazing.

Central to this development was the notion of relaxing my lower back into the seat, slightly if only mentally rotating the lumbar back ever so slightly into the seat.

Seems revolutionary. Maybe fleeting. I don't think so. We will see.

This long stretch 30 miles from Williamsburg to Hampton University and then back  is quite flat relatively. There by the natural state of this vehicle manifests itself. At 9 to 10 miles an hour it is human-powered. an additional two or three miles per hour doubles power requirement. 9 miles per hour requires approximately 13 watts per mile, 12 miles per hour requires approximately 26.

Glutes instead of the knees

***** To the material investors in this Mission: you are few. Years go by and there are none of you. But some of you have stepped up in.......

To the material investors in this Mission:  you are few. Years go by and there are none of you. But some of you have stepped up in big and not so big ways in recent days. I find my reaction odd. I need nothing. I want nothing personally. But it is with awesome joy that your material support is received. I want nothing for me personally but with every fiber of my being I want the mission to succeed. It is a worthy Mission. It is a worthwhile mission. No credit to me, a torch blazes in my chest and there is the possibility that by moving that torch around the country it may cause the flame in the chest of others to burn brighter. It could help to start the fire sufficient to provide a decent future for all of creation. Almost certainly it will not, but there is the slim chance. It is an intelligent and much-needed mission. The only thing that can make me stop is for my pulse to stop , or for me to see a better way to serve creation, which seems unlikely. But the amplitude of pursuit of the mission is very much a function of how many people contribute how much to it. I have and will continue to contribute every breath, every resource to it, for the joy of it. But I can't do more than that personally. You, by contributing, you increase the amplitude materially, and spiritually, in part spiritually by feeding mine. Gratefully,  James.

9.12.2016

An extremely prosperous-looking dad, a bit younger than me I suspect, and his early teen Scout son, stopped by, oddly, in the remote.......

An extremely prosperous-looking dad, a bit younger than me I suspect, and his early teen Scout son, stopped by, oddly, in the remote, empty, Ace Hardware parking lot where I was working on the vehicle. How did they know I was there?

The dialogue lasted a good 15 minutes. The young man mostly led the conversation, I supplied most of the words probably. The dad was very aware of the conversation and I think a bit courageous to allow it to have gone on as long as it did.

I shared how dire the situation is in my view, the son politely said he did not see it as dire as did I. To that I emphasized that probably I am more optimistic than he in terms of seeing that everything we need to supply a livable Earth for the future is there, the technology, the know how, the the wealth, the renewable energy sources in massive abundance, everything, everything, everything except the only thing required, people standing up to make it happen.

I think the son heard this. I'm quite sure that the dad heard this.

Toward the end the son asked what I thought people should do. I said, what people should do is make the decision to put their lives in the way of this catastrophe. That there is no right way to do this. The Marchers over the Selma Bridge, it's not that they picked the right Bridge, or the right time, or the right day. It is that with dignity they put everything they were In Harm's Way to make it stop. And it was so total total, so dignified, so honest, so thoughtful, so selfless... that a soul Dead Nation could not avoid noticing, could not avoid beginning to wake up.

It was a lot for the young man to hear, probably too much. I'm not sure about the Dead. I think he heard. I'm glad we had the exchange.

I'll forever regret this: What! I snapped at The Voice......

I'll forever regret this: What! I snapped at The Voice...... This I barked as I was in the near empty Ace Hardware parking lot after it closed hours into maintenance and repair work , doubled over under the steering wheel wrestling a last bit of storage space for a backpack. Immediately after the bark I emerged to see a warm, kind, thoughtful young man with a cup of tea and a bag full of snacks and soup for me.

10 X earlier such approaches when I was either resting, sleeping with my eyes closed, in an awkward position working on the vehicle, the prior 10 times in half as many days it was some idle question showing total disregard and disrespect for another human being trying to get some sleep or working hard.

I never snap in those situations. I may not reply. I may look up and return to my work without an answer. But I never snap, I never barked. But at this kind soul, Ryan, I did. What a horror.

Not once or twice a year do I do such a thing. I think he forgave me immediately but I don't know. I'm just horrified.

He stayed for 10 or 15 minutes asking what I was up to. A student at William and Mary, he says that he lives in an apartment just the other side of the trees where I'll be sleeping in the parking lot tonight.

He had early on indicated that he had looked up online.

He was so kind, yet judging from how he exited it was not the kind of exchange that he expected, and not the kind of exchange I wish I had provided. I rarely make such mistakes. I hope not to do so soon in the future.

The downfall of nearly all would be activists since the sixties is that they mind everyone's business... except their own. They hold everyone......

The downfall of nearly all would be activists since the sixties is that they mind everyone's business... except their own. They hold everyone to the highest standards, except for themselves and those alongside them, who they hold to no standards whatsoever. They are concerned with the behavior of everyone, except for their own. Of themselves they expect only lip service. Of others they expect the highest life service. It is disgusting. It is deadly. It is killing what little time we have left. It is the most disgusting hypocrisy. Yes, there are exceptions here and there. If the shoe does not fit, do not wear it. If it does fit, those who need to wear it probably won't.

Revolutionaries don't need, revolutionaries can't afford, your encouragement from the sidelines. They need you on the field of battle.

Revolutionaries don't need, revolutionaries can't afford, your encouragement from the sidelines. They need you on the field of battle.

To a kind soul that said, when I get tired I think of you, James, you inspire me. I replied: I'm glad......

To a kind soul that said, when I get tired I think of you, James, you inspire me.  I replied: I'm glad if I can be an inspiration because what I value in my life has come from being inspired by others. I remember one hunger strike in Washington DC when on my several mile walk to Capitol Hill on no calories for many weeks it was all I could do to put the next foot forward, and I would think of my brother the man Jesus, and his face would come to my imagination, and he would smile, and I would smile, and I would take the next step.

65 in a month. Stage 4 cancer survivor. In a Corollary to what dr. King said, when one sees what they would gladly die for , they are equipped to live.

65 in a month. Stage 4 cancer survivor. In a Corollary to what dr. King said, when one sees what they would gladly die for , they are equipped to live.

9.11.2016

***** What I think Millions need to do differently is to realize that mindless greed is literally the weapon of mass destruction, the army of mass destruction, that is destroying everything decent on Earth. What millions should do......

What I think Millions need to do differently is to realize that mindless greed is literally the weapon of mass destruction, the army of mass destruction, that is destroying everything decent on Earth. What millions should do is stop hiding behind the skirts or trousers of their spouse, the diapers of their babies , and do what my father's generation did, go put their bodies in the way of the harm that is in the process of destroying the future of those who depend upon them. This is certainly not directed at anyone in particular, it is directed at everyone of us collectively.

Years ago with the birth of the first of two biological offspring my deep sense of loving for that Offspring was coupled with an all-encompassing awareness of responsibility toward that young life. It was a wonderful, terrible, realization that........

Years ago with the birth of the first of two biological offspring my deep sense of loving for that Offspring was coupled with an all-encompassing awareness of responsibility toward that young life. It was a wonderful, terrible, realization that everything I did mattered for good, or for bad, toward that young life. A fire in me started at that time and it has spread from that first child to every child, every adult, every creature. I think that's what's supposed to happen in all of us. No credit to me, that's simply what happened to me.

9.10.2016

***** I'm sure I will die having failed to heal the world. I will not die having failed to try, with my last breath. To me, nothing less is life. To me, everything less is death, suicide.

I'm sure I will die having failed to heal the world.  I will not die having failed to try,  with my last breath.  To me,  nothing less is life.  To me, everything less is death,  suicide.

9.09.2016

EFLIUS. No offense to anyone. Deja vu all over again. Just as with last August September in a similar to journey to this one , this afternoon......

No offense to anyone. Deja vu all over again. Just as with last August September in a similar to journey to this one , this afternoon when I passed into the seriously poor Southeast area of Richmond , seemingly outside of the solidly urban area, but just barely, the first true, deep, Spirits were encountered. A white lady a little younger than me , intrigued with the vehicle, read my shirt although maybe asked me to help with a word or so, and was just totally enthralled. If I didn't rent my room you'd be coming home with me to sleep tonight she spoke as a sister, and his sister in the spirit indeed she is. And an African American man with his two daughters early teen, from Broad and deep immediately understood the seriousness of the renewable energy message. It came from his spirit. Almost all of us with all of our internet and book learning we move too fast and far in the intellect to allow the massive room that the spirit needs to thrive and exist. All hope is in the spirit.

9.08.2016

I was centrally obsessed with sexual activity from almost as early as I can remember for my next 45 years. What a hideously empty, joyless......

I was centrally obsessed with sexual activity from almost as early as I can remember for my next 45 years. What a hideously empty, joyless life I had for sex to have had any room in my life. What a sad, uninteresting, inferior Pursuit. Such empty, tawdry, meaningless lives we are brought up to in this Dreadful culture. My life is a trillion times more full, interesting, joyful, meaningful, fulfilling then it was for so many decades.