Massive emergency repairs required. The trouble began last night and continued for many hours. Not a..... problem this time with this miraculous mechanical machine, but with the bio machine operating it. Recently I've mentioned how my meditation and prayer life have gone by the wayside for the demands of this mission for many many weeks or months now. Last night in a paid for $21 spot in a Fairground created a space I've not had for a long time, complete control of my time in the morning. I think that's what my nervous system sensed and said, f*** it man, you're going to give me some attention and some much-needed repair. If showered me with an anxiety storm that lasted for many hours. It took three or four hours of attempted meditation to get back in control of my mind. We attach all sorts of stigma to what I've just written, don't we? That's ridiculous. We are extremely complex organisms and when placed under dire demand we need work to maintain them. By 10:30 this morning, although disappointed that departing at 4:30 for strategic points didn't happen, I felt much stronger for all the work. An alternative explanation for the anxiety storm that raged in me for many hours is that in going to Triple doses of Imodium for control of my cancer related diarrhea may have a psychological side effect. I have not researched that. I have not gone to Triple doses likely but with 1/3 less colon than I was born with and being on the road all the time I have needed to go to Triple doses to try and get things under control. I don't know if that will work. And no longer having any medical support, no doctor, don't have access to the stronger medications that are available.
10.18.2017
9.30.2017
I don't feel foolish, but it's funny. What terrified me literally yesterday, is a challenge and feeling ready to face today. This is a repeated pattern. If it doesn't kill you grow. I'm........
I don't feel foolish, but it's funny. What terrified me literally yesterday, is a challenge and feeling ready to face today. This is a repeated pattern. If it doesn't kill you grow. I'm........ thinking of the Terrible unknown crushing climbs down from Siskiyou pass for 100 miles. Back roads in the middle of nowhere. But it happens repeatedly. Like depression, or maybe a form of depression, fear, Terror, can be very adaptive. Shocking the nervous system into a brief Retreat, giving time to ponder, regroup, learn.
4.07.2017
By virtue of our DNA design we are agents of Creation in small tribes, and the Agents of Destruction in larger and or hitech groups.
By virtue of our DNA design we are agents of Creation in small tribes, and the Agents of Destruction in larger and or hitech groups.
No, everything is not fine. My depression has been periodic in my life, an inspirational and creative friend. Yes I have understandably.....
No, everything is not fine. My depression has been periodic in my life, an inspirational and creative friend. Yes I have understandably worked to surmount the depression. I no longer find that this is called for for me. My job, the job of all of us is and must be, to stir people's hearts. Fun, Pleasant, nice to be around, is not what the world needs from me, or you. Disturbed, mildly depressed. Not as an act, but as the only sane response to what is being done by us to all creation. One of the few great psychologists, Abraham Maslow, was asked at an august convention where he was speaking, dr. Maslow you cite Abraham Lincoln as iconic of human health , yet Lincoln was known to be depressive. Maslow replied, you think someone being depressed in the midst of a civil war Slaughter is a sign of unhealthy?
12.23.2016
### "A person who experienced any six or more of the categories” of childhood trauma, Dr Felitti tells me, “was 4600 percent more likely to become an IV [injecting] drug user later in life than a person who experienced none of them.”
8.30.2016
In life it is inescapable that each moment we seek to feel psychologically full, and there are only two ways to pursue that: 1. Having, 2. Being. In our culture......
In life it is inescapable that each moment we seek to feel psychologically full, and there are only two ways to pursue that: 1. Having, 2. Being. In our culture we are taught that there is only one way, having. In truth, there is only one way that can succeed, that can make us feel constantly full, being. Did you know that Americans are the most self-medicated people there have ever been? Did you know that for decades Americans have been roughly 4% of the world's population consuming roughly 25% of the world's resources?
8.24.2016
Extremely meaningful work, an extremely meaningful mission, is the one and only element that is necessary and sufficient to the highly gratified life, this contrary to all of our cultural toxic wisdom. As with every life-form we........
Extremely meaningful work, an extremely meaningful mission, is the one and only element that is necessary and sufficient to the highly gratified life, this contrary to all of our cultural toxic wisdom. As with every life-form we are inescapably designed to serve the neediest around us, but unlike every other life-form we are f****** clever enough to convince ourselves of the opposite. Hence we are the most medicated species, the most medicated generation in history. And with breathtaking insanity we do all in our power to escape the opportunities to devote ourselves, to meaningfully contribute, to the neediest Among Us. I don't have the time to cite the studies that most clearly point to this other than to say that Victor Frankl's, man's search for meaning, presents the truth clearly for those who are able to see it.
8.16.2016
"those with more intelligence and the capacity to use it… are less likely to spend so much time socializing because they are focused on some other longer term objective,” Carol Graham, who researches the economics of happiness for the Brookings Institute, told The Washington Post.
8.08.2016
Manic depression? Metamorphosis? Both I suspect. Inseparable I suspect. Tho I can't cite the studies off hand I think there's a high correlation......
Manic depression? Metamorphosis? Both I suspect. Inseparable I suspect.
Tho I can't cite the studies off hand I think there's a high correlation between the highly creative, high contributors, and some form of manic depression. I don't think it's much different than how I was as a world-class skier. You give your last drop of self to the downhill run, then you sit totally spent on the chair lift for a long time. Then repeat, repeat, repeat... gradually but surely becoming stronger, more competent, even more filled with joy and pain.
This morning here at the DNC after receiving a lovely smile and loving comment from a young Palestinian woman, and then thinking for the very first time to order some Palestinian fair trade olive oil https://www.canaanusa.com/shop/community-support/ bringing me in closer personal contact with the part of my family I've been so devoted to for so long now, I'm overwhelmed with emotion. Sobbing.
So much accumulated grief.
Partly exhaustion. For the last 2 days my mind has been unwilling to shut down, little to no sleep, an Unstoppable torrent of thoughts... a yearning and now detailed planning to undertake a cross-country trip to try and encounter and ignite Souls able to rekindle human spirit should any there still be, a Cascade of breakthroughs regarding the free Palestine solar vehicle on issues I've been pondering enhancements I've been looking to along a myriad of dimensions, major major breakthroughs in my understanding of the physics and mechanics of this solar vehicle as to how much energy it takes from me the Sun climbing descents energy generation and output... absolute explosion of and leaps in understanding.
This after after weeks of high productivity coupled with despondency over the world and the utterly disgusting DNC et cetera. The journey continues. James
5.05.2016
***** System troubles. Resetting, restarting, my nervous system: Did you ever have to reset your phone, or computer? To solve a problem? I suspect you have. I'm going through that with my phone tablet right now because the speed is almost unusable. It is taking quite a few times. For the last several weeks I've been trying to reset my nervous system. So far......
***** System troubles. Resetting, restarting, my nervous system: Did you ever have to reset your phone, or computer? To solve a problem? I suspect you have. I'm going through that with my phone tablet right now because the speed is almost unusable. It is taking quite a few times. For the last several weeks I've been trying to reset my nervous system. So far I don't have the sequence right. As with resetting my phone sometimes it takes finding out what doesn't work before the right sequence is found. This is not a new Phenomenon with me and my nervous system. It's been true throughout my entire life, particularly my adulthood. Sometimes in the last few weeks I thought I found the problem and reset, only to find out that not so. Some of it may have been a blood imbalance but I think most of it is I've been thrown off balance by many things in our world recently, and it is taking me awhile to find my balance, my point of focus, my reason for being, my reason for living, the strength to fight, how I am to fight. I suspect it will happen sooner or later. It is upsetting to me to not be at full fighting strength , but part of the fight is being honest with myself and those traveling with me. Please understand if you can. My current theory is that Many Adventures in the past month or so has taken me away from a laser-like focus on my source of life, an empathic Unity with the children in Palestine , empathic Unity with the poor in Washington DC, and or, devoting my life here exclusively to the one in a million Wagers of loving. I am not feeling the acute connection that I have in the past, many distractions, many dilutions. I expect to try and devote as many hours or days as is needed in the hopes of reconnecting, rebooting, my nervous system. Again, please try and be as understanding as you can as I attempt to bring my system fully back online.
5.01.2016
***** I love from my heart everyone. I enjoy many many many people. I like very very very very very few. Only just now am my realizing that distinction. How different my life would have been if I saw the difference between who I enjoy and who I like.
***** I love from my heart everyone. I enjoy many many many people. I like very very very very very few. Only just now am my realizing that distinction. How different my life would have been if I saw the difference between who I enjoy and who I like.
4.27.2016
***** This is the immortality I know to be true, the only one. It is a blessing, and a curse. This is why it is so desperately important that we learn to live lives that are constructive of good for all creation. Our being will live on doing good, or doing bad, for.......
***** This is the immortality I know to be true, the only one. It is a blessing, and a curse. This is why it is so desperately important that we learn to live lives that are constructive of good for all creation. Our being will live on doing good, or doing bad, for as long as there are those who remember. '' This is how our minds may actually live on after death
A psychologist explains how memory gives the dead a second life. ''
4.01.2016
***** THIS. Read, repeat 2 times, repeat 2 times more. At least that's what I'm doing. ''The rise of American authoritarianism A niche group of political scientists may have uncovered what's driving Donald Trump's ascent. What they found has implications that go well beyond 2016'
3.19.2016
***** very important article. I don't know that the article says this, but authoritarianism is the predictable, very likely results, of having been abused substantially earlier in one's life. ' the rise of American authoritarianism.'
3.18.2016
***** Understanding the fundamental roots of conflict and suffering: An interview with Rich Forer
3.13.2016
***** Witness. A one-in-a-million glimpse at what it is to be a human being. God bless his little soul.
Scientists can tell when your motives are truly altruistic, and when you’re secretly being selfish
3.01.2016
***** MONUMENTALLY IMPORTANT. ''Moral Foundations Theory was invented to compare different human cultures. But it can also explain our political landscape......'
2.07.2016
***** Some of us crave social power, social significance, the way a crack addict craves the drug, and or fears the lack of these things the way some people are terrified of torture and death.......
***** Some of us crave social power, social significance, the way a crack addict craves the drug, and or fears the lack of these things the way some people are terrified of torture and death.
Now Democrats, you educationally intellectually emotionally advantaged... what is it that you still don't understand about white male Republican's bullying, guns, hatred of human rights, women's rights, and minorities?
Till they recognize a better way to achieve social power, social significance, or a preferable substitute for these, they are not going to change their ways. They prefer death over feeling weak (preferably your death... but even their own.)