***** pic. Only an infinite torrent of loving balms will bring peace.

### Extraordinary moral stature. The great change agents, the Agents of positive change, throughout history are of an extraordinary moral stature. Indisputable, right? How.........

### Extraordinary moral stature. The great change agents, the Agents of positive change, throughout history are of an extraordinary moral stature. Indisputable, right? How many activists since the assassination of Martin Luther King don't totally reject measuring themselves, let alone being measured by others, against that same yardstick? Practically all, they incinerate anyone that dares go there. Moral stature is everything to the true would-be Catalyst for moral change. And it doesn't even make it into the discussion, into the consideration, into the planning these last fifty years in America. Everything but. This is why there's no hope.

### Not Human Rights, activists, but rather human rights catalysts. I don't care about words so much but I do care about Concepts. Although I have paid a high price in the........

### Not Human Rights, activists, but rather human rights catalysts. I don't care about words so much but I do care about Concepts. Although I have paid a high price in the last decade-and-a-half for fighting against the dilution and perversion of the word and concept 'activists,' like quite a few such words I think it was Ill chosen to begin with. Catalyst strikes me as a much truer capture of what Gandhi and those alongside him were and did , and Martin Luther King and those alongside of him, the tens of thousands of young people in Tahrir square, Malala, Alice Paul and the hundreds that fought alongside her, the Freedom Riders, SNCC.... They made of themselves such an extremely different thing, such a new extraordinarily moral thing , even though relatively miniscule in number versus their country and world population, exactly as a catalyst does they caused a hugely disproportionate change through the large population. They didn't try to manipulate. They didn't try to control. They didn't try to force... other than themselves, over whom they exercised huge self-control, discipline, molding themselves into something so radically pure, radically pure anti-violence, radically courageous loving, that the infinitely larger numbers could not avoid being changed by them. In nature as I understand it there is little if anything so relatively powerful as the catalyst, minute qualities of an element that fundamentally change an infinitely larger whole. Those who I have envied and admired throughout history, those who I try to be worthy of following, because of their unique effectiveness, I understand to be catalysts. They fashioned themselves into catalysts at enormous personal cost. This is what I strive to be and what I wish for others to strive to be. Human rights catalysts. Yes, Catalysts can be totally ineffective. They can become what is needed but if the nature of the mass surrounding them is impervious to reacting, incapable of reacting, protected from reacting... the Catalyst has no effect. But where I see profound progress in human morality throughout history it has been such a catalytic reaction that brought it about. I see no other chance. I see no other hope. I see no other way. Well, I see an infinite variety of ways that require a much lower price on the part of the would-be change agent that hold the promise of doing nothing but killing what little time is left for all decent future. Yes, 'Be the change you wish to see in the world.'

### I would say that in my learning, experience, practice, observation, the true activist devotes their every breath to attempting to pay as much as possible of the price NOW, whatever price, including the ultimate price, for a better world... for others. I can think of.......

### I would say that in my learning, experience, practice, observation, the true activist devotes their every breath to attempting to pay as much as possible of the price NOW, whatever price, including the ultimate price, for a better world... for others. I can think of no exceptions. This is what they showed with their choices without hesitation. This is what they prepared and prepared and prepared and prepared... to do. Gandhi's words on the subject, 'I'm talking about the love of a mother for her child.' Anyone that is seriously interested in this topic that has not watched the PBS documentary, Freedom Riders, has really disabled themselves.

### Not until tens of thousands of us would gladly die for a better future for all species will there be real hope of the real Revolution... anti-violence.

### Not until tens of thousands of us would gladly die for a better future for all species will there be real hope of the real Revolution... anti-violence.

***** James, how would you suggest we... Fill in the blank... Free Palestine, stop global warming, stop fascism in America...? My reply: If I want a Mercedes, new, from a showroom, it really doesn't matter whether I go in with dollar bills, the checkbook, a............

***** James,  how would you suggest we...  Fill in the blank...  Free Palestine,  stop global warming,  stop fascism in America...?  My reply: If I want a Mercedes, new, from a showroom, it really doesn't matter whether I go in with dollar bills, the checkbook, a credit card, a bank check... Etcetera. What matters is the amount. And, oh by the way, if I instead of the amount I go in with lip service, conversation, begging, demanding, taunting, demonstrating, tantruming, Facebook posting, article writing, meeting, 2 hour demonstration... They might tolerate it for a few moments and then they rightfully are going to get me arrested, and no onlooker will object. Lip service, words... wanting... whining, demanding... does not achieve anything worthwhile, though it does give you the total Destruction of one's credibility, moral potential, respect in the eyes of onlookers , worthiness in the eyes of onlookers. Contrary to the criminally insane dictum of my boomer generation, there is no free lunch! When enough of us heroically, lovingly, courageously, selflessly, seriously... pay enough of our own personal lives to be the price of freeing Palestine it will happen. Lip service doesn't help, in fact, it disperses our energy, gives us the delusion that we're making any difference, and totally destroys our credibility in the eyes of potential joiners. An individual, then individuals, then tens of thousands of individuals devoted their very being to get rid of Mubarak and finally it was enough. The same in the American Civil Rights Movement. The same in getting rid of South African apartheid. It is not how we pay the price. It is that we pay the price. I cannot pay the price of anyone else, but I can, or cannot, pay the entire price of my own life.

***** Creator fills my heart with joy every moment that I bear the pain of creation and work to lessen that pain. James

Creator fills my heart with joy every moment that I bear the pain of creation and work to lessen that pain. James

***** I am alone, isolated, fighting alone, ( and every breath filled with joy and peace ) because 15 years ago I did what terrifies Americans, what terrifies westerners, what terrifies we over-privileged, what terrifies liberals, what terrifies activist-inos... more than anything else in the world. I gave up. I surrendered. I refused to......

***** I am alone, isolated, fighting alone, ( and every breath filled with joy and peace ) because 15 years ago I did what terrifies Americans, what terrifies westerners, what terrifies we over-privileged, what terrifies liberals, what terrifies activist-inos... more than anything else in the world. I gave up. I surrendered. I refused to fight anymore... I refused any longer to fight my heart. I refused any longer to fight my conscience. They had been nagging at me my entire disgustingly over privileged life. I at long last caved, I gave in. I found within me a vow that I have adhered to ever since. I didn't make a vow,  as I find doing such things terribly counterproductive. I found the vow in my heart and I surrender to it for the greedy Joy of it. That vow that I found there and surrender to was that I would give my life to my human and nonhuman family on Earth as best I could with every breath. That I would never again prostitute myself to the values, machines, organizations, systems of Our Sick culture for one second, not for 1 cent, regardless of the personal consequences, that I would give my life and not divert one second to earning a life for myself. If my sisters and brothers were happy to let me expire, that wasn't my business, that wasn't my concern, and I would not  divert a second to that. And with never a second thought because of the overwhelming peace and joy of that path, and because of the singular hope that that path gives, I have never looked back, only forward to the absolute joy and peace and hope of that decision, that direction, of that path. That is,  I finally said yes to what we westerners have been taught to avoid with our last breath, I said yes to heart in charge ( not to be confused with self-indulgent sentimentality ) and thereby I allowed the material world that I had been taught to Crave as a Westerner to totally disintegrate, to totally turn against me because of the path that I walk. Again, never for one breath have I looked back because of the overwhelming joy and peace, every breath, and extreme pain of the suffering world that is my fuel, of that path. I gave into truth Force. I gave in to soulforce. I surrendered to my heart. I have worked assiduously to keep my heart in charge ever since and with very very very few moments of error, I have succeeded. It is heaven, the heaven that has always been written of, and the heaven not one in a million find. But it is the heaven that every true activist lives in by whatever words, or no words at all. The one in a Million. Obviously I use every neuron in my head, infinitely more than most. Obviously I find physical strength despite my stage 4 cancer and age that many people can't imagine. That's what the heart in charge does. I use my head. I use my flesh. More particularly my heart, that I deliberately and scrupulously keep in charge, uses  both my head and my flesh to the fullest. But I never make the mistake of letting them,  my head or flesh, be in charge, only my heart, with no credit to me. Finally, after 45 years of having my head and flesh in charge, I surrendered, I gave up, to my heart, my soul, my conscience. My heart has been my loving, immensely harsh, unimaginably wise master ever since. And so I am physically alone, and certainly will remain physically alone, and relatively materially impoverished, as a consequence, a price that I pay every day without a shred of regret, for the greedy, infinite,  joy and peace of Heart of it.

***** Avoiding unpleasantness is not the reason for denial, not the primary reason. Avoiding unpleasantness is not the reason that we limit how much ugliness we are willing to see on Facebook, how much unpl......

***** Avoiding unpleasantness is not the reason for denial, not the primary reason. Avoiding unpleasantness is not the reason that we limit how much ugliness we are willing to see on Facebook, how much unpleasantness we allow to become Central in so-called activism or in the nature of the so-called activism we have been willing to practice these last forty years or so. The primary function of denial is not to avoid unpleasantness, it is to avoid becoming loving, it is to avoid Gandhi's Truth Force, to avoid what happens when Awful Truth makes it past our denial system and hits our heart. It activates our heart, it hijacks our nervous system, and turns us near irresistibly into Insanely Humane (INSHE) Warrior antiviolent Servants of righteousness, Servants of what is Right, Servants of what our human family most needs of us, what all of our fellow life forms need of us. God forbid.... So, as the central one of our many contributions to the extermination of all life on Earth, we f****** baby boomers, our central contribution has been the activism-ino-ism of the last 40 years which is so careful to be sure that we conduct ourselves in a way that it is attractive, it is fun, it is Pleasant, it is something that people want to do, to 'join' ( a social club with a thin veneer of activism )... thereby scrupulously and absolutely avoiding bringing online truth Force, the heart, soul Force, loving... the only force in the universe that could overcome the largest mercenary force that Earth has ever seen. Brilliant. Murder.

***** I want a world where we give ourselves, give our lives, to the least of these, not where we continue to prostitute ourselves to the most greedy of these, so that we can become among the most greedy of these.

***** I want a world where we give ourselves, give our lives, to the least of these, not where we continue to prostitute ourselves to the most greedy of these, so that we can become among the most greedy of these.

I'm quite sure that 9 months from now I will be moving out of this apartment either onto the streets or back into a homeless shelter. This has been a terrific expenditure , the rent I pay every......

I'm quite sure that 9 months from now I will be moving out of this apartment either onto the streets or back into a homeless shelter. This has been a terrific expenditure , the rent I pay every month, to give me a firm footing to launch into my advocacy for the underclass in Washington DC which is taking roughly half of my time now. As I knew, there were nonprofits that would not work with me constructively as a homeless person, that allow me to gain entry now to get a foothold as someone with an address. But when this lease is up, which I cannot break without forfeiting the monies due during the 12 months , I will move out on the basis that I have less right given my lifelong disgusting over privileged, that I have less right to this property than do thousands of people on waiting lists in this city. And on the basis that I want and need the money that goes into the rent every month for more for my sisters, brothers, children around the world and in DC far more than I need it for me.

I am all work and no play. I'm as much fun as a root canal. I make it my business to live my life in the imagined presence of the most persecuted people on earth and I thereby act accordingly. I look ridiculous, unkind......

I am all work and no play. I'm as much fun as a root canal. I make it my business to live my life in the imagined presence of the most persecuted people on earth and I thereby act accordingly. I look ridiculous, unkind, unpleasant, unkempt because no one sees the jury in front of whom I live my life, or the Raging Battlefield on which I live.

***** It's a curious thing with activists in the last 40 years. Somehow they gleefully embrace the notion that, whatever I feel like doing is better than nothing. I like the idea so it will work. The opposite of SNCC. The opposite of Martin Lu.....

***** It's a curious thing with activists in the last 40 years. Somehow they gleefully embrace the notion that, whatever I feel like doing is better than nothing. I like the idea so it will work. The opposite of SNCC. The opposite of Martin Luther King jr. and those that worked with him. The opposite of Saul Alinsky. The opposite of Gandhi. Very much the stuff of the neocons. Very much the stuff of the conservatives. Very much the stuff of Wall Street, the hedge fund managers. Very much the stuff of the religious fundamentalists. Very much the stuff of Mission Control that sent up the space shuttle Challenger. Very much the stuff of the Pentagon. Hey, it seems right to us, let's do it, it's better than nothing. No discipline, no academic or theoretical rigor, no historical grounding, no humility, no self-restraint, no solemnity, no Soul, no dignity, no paying-the-price.... Hey, I'm an old guy. It really doesn't matter a lot to me personally. I just hate to see you younger ones pissing away what little chance you had.

***** To a young Jedi: Young people can achieve what older folks cannot. If four older women had been killed in a black church bombing in the sixties it might not really have been noticed. But it was four young black girls and......

To a young Jedi: Young people can achieve what older folks cannot. If four older women had been killed in a black church bombing in the sixties it might not really have been noticed. But it was four young black girls and even this near dead hearted Nation couldn't bear the pain without some response. If Malala had been 50 years old ..... If the tens of thousands in Tahrir square  had been my age instead of your age.... Soweto..... If only you young ones could realize the power, especially you over privileged white American children, that you have to the extent that with dignity, discipline, restraint, self respect, reverence for life... you pay, or offer to pay, with your lives, which does not necessarily involve dying, but that you truly offer to pay with your lives for the future that you want for creation. This seems so unjust, but it is what life does. This seems so unjust, but it is exactly what every uniolet Warrior  that we Revere has done.  There is no other way.  It can take many forms, but there is no other way and never will be.  Everything has a price.  Violence seeks to exact that price from the other.  Non violence  is determined to pay, and or offer, that price themselves. Only cancer and violence does not. Violence in the pursuit of justice is still violence, cancer.

I just don't seem to have it in me to work for justice. Sanders, and those working with him, do, but I just don't find it in me. I have it in me to.....

I just don't seem to have it in me to work for justice. Sanders, and those working with him, do, but I just don't find it in me. I have it in me to work, every breath, for loving, but for me, a just world, that is not loving, I just don't have it in me to work for, and I think it's an illusion, I don't think you can arrive at, and I certainly don't think you can maintain, a just world, that is not first, loving.  I don't have it in me to work for justice, first. If you work for loving you may get the healthy, vibrant, joyful, living, self perpetuating, lovely child ... Justice. If you work for Justice at best you will get a stillborn child. At least that's my understanding of how it has always worked and always will.

***** Update regarding my system, nervous system, crash: A. .....

***** Update regarding my system, nervous system, crash: A. confession is good for the soul, and my long post of yesterday regarding my system, nervous system, crash I think was cathartic. Thanks to my friends for being with me. http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2016/05/system-troubles-resetting-restarting-my.html  2. Having enough vitamin B12 is really important, and as a new, pretty much vegan, I need shots or supplements or both for that and was not getting them. 3. And most importantly, Without love it is nothing. If not explicitly devoted to loving, I wish to not be alive. Except when explicitly channeling the loving that is in all of us, I wish not to be in this grotesque hellish world that we have created. I think what my nervous system was telling me is that if not loving, it is not the revolution, no matter how tempting, Sanders campaign, it is too little too late, squandering the tiny little bit of time we have left. No, I am not arguing against Sanders, he is a godsend, and I think, a loving man. But the movement is not loving, not nearly enough, anyway. It is about globally grotesquely over privileged Millennials wanting more Justice for themselves. No, that is not bad, per se. It is not enough. The clarity that seems to have come to me yesterday in deep meditation is that my life needs to rededicate to loving, being loving (in action), and thereby demonstrating the path of loving, with each breath. The jury in front of whom I need to live my life is the people of today and the future that demand nothing less of me than marking the path of loving, desperate for me, pleading for me, for all of us, to find and mark this, the only, way out of the Darkness, the only way to turn from the abyss. It is the path of individual salvation for everyone who walks it... joy, peace of heart , regardless of external circumstances. It is the only potential salvation for any Shred of decency on Earth now or in the future. It is not exclusive of what Sanders and the campaign are trying to do. But as correctly stated in 1 Corinthians 13, without love it is nothing. It is a clashing cymbal. It is finally and absolutely too late for clashing cymbals. LOL, incidentally, last night I seemed to resolve the slow unuseability of my phone, tablet, as well. We'll see.

I put up this site which is almost The Complete Book of essays compiled by Ed Guinan on nonviolence, almost 10 years ago, as I saw it then and now to be the greatest collection on nonviolent action that I have ever seen. And this essay at this link is the greatest essay on nonviolence that I've ever seen. I hope that you consider it deeply, and share it as you think best... http://peaceandnonviolence.blogspot.com/2007/03/love-in-action-thich-nhat-hanh.html?m=1

I put up this site which is almost The Complete Book of essays compiled by Ed Guinan on nonviolence, almost 10 years ago, as I saw it then and now to be the greatest collection on nonviolent action that I have ever seen. And this essay at this link is the greatest essay on nonviolence that I've ever seen. I hope that you consider it deeply, and share it as you think best...  http://peaceandnonviolence.blogspot.com/2007/03/love-in-action-thich-nhat-hanh.html?m=1

Today is the first day in several weeks that I have felt roughly my old normal, which is ready to work. I don't know.......

Today is the first day in several weeks that I have felt roughly my old normal, which is ready to work. I don't know if my nervous system has finally worked things through, or if it was something like a vitamin B12 deficiency. I did get a shot yesterday. I'll be interested to see what the blood work I initiated today has to say. It is continually curious to me that the side of me that admires Bernie Sanders and wants to jump in is continually shot down by the side of me that says no. Too little. Too late. Not the revolution. As anyone can see I continue to put up mildly encouraging posts regarding Sanders for whom I have a high regard. But the only Revolution I'm interested in is a revolution of total solidarity lived with the neediest, loving. And as positive as I see the Sanders campaign being it is a campaign about more Justice for we already over privileged Americans. It's not that I think that is bad, but it is not the revolution I'm waging. At least, this is the best I can figure so far why my body is not climbing into that Sanders fight. Here I sit on K Street with the free Palestine vehicle.

I think the lesson that I'm being taught is what I have long suspected but I'm seeing more clearly, the fight for justice is not the same as the fight for loving. And the only thing that seems to be able to get me out of bed is the fight for loving. Quite perplexing to me. But I think that's what's going on with me. I am not trying to argue that anyone should agree with my point of view. It is too unclear to me to do so.

... It is that at this point in history I think that the only thing that is sustainable is a revolution of total loving , as unlikely as of course that is. But it's the only thing that is sustainable. Everything less is straightening the deck chairs on the Titanic. So I fight, but I fight The Impossible fight for loving, not for slightly delayed Armageddon. This is really really surprising to me, but that's what I think my nervous system is telling me, doing. I keep watching it. I keep questioning. I keep listening. I keep challenging.

Absolute Fearless loving is the revolution. If it's not loving it's not the revolution.

Absolute Fearless loving is the revolution. If it's not loving it's not the revolution.

***** Suddenly I feel profoundly less alone. I consider Norman Finkelstein the most important nonviolent Warrior in the last 30 or 40 years , certainly the most heroic, qualified, determined, capable.... And here he is at the top of his powers totally and completely marginalized, an outsider, rendered a non-participant by this sickest of all cultures, this most disgusting shadow of a left liberal movement. Yes, suddenly I feel much less alone. ''Norman Finkelstein on Sanders, the first intifada, BDS, and ten years of unemployment.''

http://mondoweiss.net/2016/04/norman-finkelstein-on-sanders-the-first-intifada-bds-and-ten-years-of-unemployment/