GWDF2 D15 Hold: On Hold the Death Fast is now. 9/11/12

I don't know what has changed, but something(s) has, and I must get my arms around it, and I need a clearer head to do so.  For an indeterminate number of days, I'll hold at D15 by going to a maintenance diet at this weight of approx 157 lbs, down 10 pounds from my starting point 27 days ago.  I expect to consume 1800 calories per day.  I expect to remain on post 22 hours per day here at the embassy working on "Actionable Essentials 2 - Lester Brown's Statements," and possibly several more in the series in the process of gaining the personal clarity I need to proceed -

As of now, "you look thinner than when I saw you 3 weeks ago," I was told Saturday; indeed I am, having adhered to 900 calories per day - half rations, my 'maintain' target being 1800 calories per day.

I don't know what has changed, but something has.  Some element or combination of:

*  Feeling the pregnancy of a next Pr. Obama term.
*  Slightly renewed confidence that he and Chu have been quietly waging war against env armagageddon with ARPA-E - see Atlantic article.
*  The slightest of optimisms that we may be better off than I thought:
a. Lester Brown's 3.0 may have been needlessly pie in the sky - calling for accomplishments by 2020 that James Hansen may not call for until 2030+;
b. On some or all fronts renewable energy may be moving faster than I or anyone thought due to technology, price points;
cwhat impact the global economic slowdown - how much time is that buying us;
d. Is natural gas giving us an added 2-5 years?

*  Where are we?  I'm getting closer to answering that, these last few weeks, so I have an acute sense that I maybe can, and need to find out with higher clarity where we are, before I should have my life terminate on less than now close to available to me information.

Start Loving 200 Billion Kids Bangladeshis...

nd GWDF2 D15b Tired. Can I go on? Mentally, Physically, Spiritually Tired.

nd GWDF2 D15b Tired.  Can I go on?  Mentally, Physically, Spiritually Tired.

GWDF2 D15b 'I BADLY miscalculated. No time for election.

There is no way I can fulfill my physical, spiritual and psychological role in Global Warming's Death Fast AND work for America - the re-election of Pr. Obama.

I expect all of my attention to return immediately to Global Warming's Death Fast.

nd GWDF2 D15a Maybe the meds are helping. Less pain today. We'll see.

nd GWDF2 D15a Maybe the meds are helping.  Less pain today.  We'll see.

GWDF2 D14b Less pain today. WOOHOO!

Well, I can't hardly walk standing fully straight or normal speed, hurts stomach too much. 

But WOW, I'm nothing but grateful for feeling better than yesterday.  Nothing but grateful. The Creator sent in two angels to get me meds yesterday, out of the Blue, and maybe the meds helped; maybe it is just the natural cycle of whatever it is that's broken inside me.

But whatever.  I'm nothing but grateful, nothing but grateful that it doesn't hurt as much as yesterday.  So far, I can work through the pain I have, today. Thank Creator.

I'm continuing my diversion from Book 4 -  "Actionable Essentials 2 - Dr. Lester Brown's Words," and finishing Book 1 - "Global Warming's Death.  Fast,"  to absorb all I can learn from the DNC and RNC coverage and speeches.  In another day or so of that I expect to go full time on the books for maybe 2 weeks more, get them done, and spend every second I have left on the Zero Calorie, Global Warming's Death Fast, and phone work for Pr. Obama.

Except today, for about 4 hours, I'll visit with my best friend, the woman I was married to for 2 and a half decades.  She's coming to visit from Phila.  Miracle.

GWDF2 D14b Pain attacks rob last night and today, thus far

Last night was the 2nd night of pain attacks, abdominal, since the one several weeks ago that wound up in hospitalization.  Damn!  And between the fatigue that yielded, and continuing pain through 3pm today I've been able to get almost no work done.

Except, spending an hour or so on Fact-check articles for DNC speeches of last night and the night before.  Maybe the pain is from that.  :-(  . Damn.  I trust Pr. Obama, and the DNC.  They are fighting for us.  But somewhere, some time, I need to be able to trust what folks say, as well.  Damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nd GWDF2 D14a 'John Q's son was dead cept John saw when he had ENOUGH info to act.' Loving

nd GWDF2 D14a 'John Q's son was dead cept John saw when he had ENOUGH info to act.'  Loving

nd GWDF2 D14a 'Much abdominal pain today. Discouraging.'

nd GWDF2 D14a 'Much abdominal pain today.  Discouraging.'

nd GWDF2 D13a Stomach Pain back after 2 days. Huh?

nd GWDF2 D13a Stomach Pain back after 2 days.  Huh?

GWDF2 D12b 'The risk of doing nothing to avert Environmental Armageddon outweighs the risk of doing something potenitally suboptimal.....' Loving

GWDF2 D12b 'The risk of doing nothing, too little, too late... to avert Environmental Armageddon outweighs the risk of doing something potentially suboptimal.  From the standpoint of 200 billion kids, anything is better than nothing, if it promises to be commensurate with, potentially proportional to the impending horror.'  Loving, inspired by words of a Keystone XL obstructor in Texas, last week, in the news.

See recent post this site on Bonhoeffer - Who stands fast.  Sublime.

GWDF2 D12b 'If or when I'm imprisonned or institutionalized I expect to cease water as well.' Loving

GWDF2 D12b 'If or when I'm imprisoned or institutionalized I expect to cease water as well.  Not that it matters.  It doesn't.  The next 200 billion children are what matter.' Loving

nd GWDF2 D12b 'And you? I'm a Soldier fighting the World War III of Terror of Environmental Armageddon from GHD dumping.' Loving

nd GWDF2 D12b 'And you? I'm a Soldier fighting the World War III of Terror of Environmental Armageddon from GHD dumping.' Loving

GWDF2 D12b Full AJ Muste Essay: "If men are not willing to practice the way of non-violence with the same kind of commitment and recklessness of cost or con­sequences as they practice the way of war and as Communists work for Communism, clearly non-violence will not work."

"If men are not willing to practice the way of non-violence with the same kind of commitment and recklessness of cost or con­sequences as they practice the way of war and as Communists work for Communism, clearly non-violence will not work."

Single greatest compendium of
Essays on Unviolence -
Peace and Nonviolence
http://peaceandnonviolence.blogspot.com/

Full essay here >>> THE WORKABILITY OF NONVIOLENCE, A.J. MUSTE

Bio: During his lifetime, A. J. Muste was regarded as one of the most prominent spokesmen for the pacifist movement in America. He wavered in the mid-1930’s, believing violence to be an effective means for change, but after 1936 he was reconverted to the validity of a religious-based pacifism, as the fol lowing selection ‘K indicates.

GWDF2 D12a 'BS,' To my beloved hypocrites re dying ends my usefulness

 [NOTE: If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.  If it does, I give it to you, and may it add Life and Joy, Meaning, to your journey.]

Lovingly, 'Bull shit.'  (C and SC/clan excepted, pretty much)

1.  So, by some odd circumstance, unbeknownst to you, I and your dearest loved one are on the street at the same time, and two vicious gangs emerge in a gun war and we're in the middle.  We're both shot, badly, in the crossfire.  I get your loved one totally hidden, from everyone, in some brush.  With my last breath, I create a detailed map, and crawl miles to where you are, and with my last breath, hand you the directions to your loved one, so you can complete the rescue.  MY USEFULNESS ENDS WITH MY DEATH!?!?!?!?!?  Not a map, but a site, TPB   , another site SL  , a book "Resurrecting Your Unviolent Warrior . A Personal Trainer for INSHEs." , another book "Global Warming's Death. Fast."  , and 4 more on the way before I pass on.  'Bull shit.'

2.  On numerous occasions I've been clear as to what would/might have me survive this and prior Death Fast, yet you've not lifted a finger in that direction - not really even uttered a word.  Not a word.

3.  Hmmmm.  What is it about me that is so valuable?  You don't read what I write.  You don't listen to what I say.  You don't act on what I say. You don't tell others about what I write and say.... Most participate in a pretty total blackout of me.

4.  So, is it my intrinsic worth as a human being?  If so, you should be unmistakably, with every breath exactly 200 billion times more concerned about the next kids on earth, exactly 200 billion times by your every action, but by your every action you don't give a shit.

So what is really going on here?

It don't add up to anything but hypocrisy, does it?

GWDF2 D12a: We next 200 bil kids? NO FRIENDS. SL DOES...

 GWDF2 D12a: We next 200 bil kids?  NO FRIENDS. SL DOES have friends.  The cell in my body of humanity known as Loving, does have friends - Cathy, and SC and clan.  http://jesusgodgoodetcnjay.blogspot.com/2012/08/gwdf-d11b-we-havent-friend-in-world.html

GWDF2 D12b Jake in Avatar: Identity Crisis? Identity Epiphany. Che, before him, and Teresa, Jesus, Rachel Corrie, Oscar Romero.....

GWDF2 D12b Jake in Avatar: Identity Crisis?  Identity Epiphany. Che, before him, and Teresa, Jesus, Rachel Corrie, Oscar Romero.....

GWDF2 D12a Stomach pain returning

The pain is never gone, but yesterday it was way in the background.  This seems to be on an every other day pain intensity cycle.

As per the last visit to the doctor, before, maybe, she sent psychologists to interview me (possibly it was my doc that did, maybe not; odd coincidence), I was to be on 4x the remedy medicine.  But it seems that, maybe, rather than doing her job, and arranging for meds covered under Medicaid, she was meddling in my job.  In any case, the meds she proscribed were $100, and not covered.  And I'm doing without.

It could be worse.  It doesn't matter.  I've just re-read the end of Jim Hansen's "Storms of my Grandchidren," and am close to tears with what we are in the final stages of making irrevocable for our next 200 billion children, before all life on earth is extinguished. 

There may in fact not be another 100 billion children, maybe not 50 billion, before all of earth is dead.  This, and nothing else on earth, is what matters.

nd GWDF2 D12a 'We play important roles in our own, and other's lives. I have a role to play now.'

nd GWDF2 D12a 'We play important roles in our own, and other's lives.  I have a role to play now.'  Loving

nd GWDF2 D12a - Solidarity, Empathy, Brotherhood - Avatar, I never saw it, till this morning.

nd GWDF2 D12a - Solidarity, Empathy, Brotherhood - Avatar, I never saw it, till this morning.

nd GWDF2 D12a 'Whoever makes unviolent warfare impossible, makes violent warfare inevitable.' Loving

'Whoever makes unviolent warfare impossible, makes violence inevitable.'  Loving